Some Big Name Star Looks Mighty Skanky

Someone has a new look that practically leaps off the page.

Go ahead. Guess. Which big name star was recently seen out in public with blotchy skin, enlarged pores, pimply chin, matted forehead hair, and semi-cracked lips.

A thinned down Linda Ronstadt?

Hair dyed Cameron Diaz?

Recent DWTS reject Kim Kardashian?

How on earth Kardashian got booted off before paleolithic Cloris Leachman, I'll never know. That girl must be one gawd awful dancer. And after getting a taste of her acting, it's fairly safe to say she'll never be as big as her booty.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Lay off picture lady whoever she is. She can't help having a bad face day. But I was pretty appalled when I saw this shot, mainly because Mrs. Michael Douglas didn't seem the least bit concerned about projecting a glamorous image.

In fact, Catherine Zeta-Jones looked mighty skanky at the 2008 Global Leadership Awards. She was busy chatting up honoree Ted Turner when Neilson Barnard snapped this photo. Incidentally, they also presented rapper Jay-Z with a global leadership award for his MTV documentary Water for Life, and his collaboration with the U.N. to ensure safe, accessible drinking water in Africa.

Other photos show Zeta-Jones sandwiched between the U.N.'s Ban Ki-Moon and an unidentified woman. Can't say I would blame hubby Michael if he decided to work the room. Did you see the size of those zits!

At least now we can understand why Zeta-Jones prefers the seclusion of Bermuda over Hollywood. Imagine what it must be like to need a major makeover whenever it's time to take out the trash.

Jewel Elopes, Osteen Trial Plays Race Card, and Miss Universe Models Nude

Okay, we've succumbed to the pressure. You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Introducing a brand new feature here at The Spewker, The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

Jay-Z will not confirm or deny his marriage to Beyonce even though US Magazine caught him out and about with a wedding ring. Mr. Carter considers personal matters off limits to the news. In other words, NOYDB. Get the full story at Vibe. In related news, cosmetics giant L'Oreal denies lightening Beyonce's skin in recent print ads.

Celebrity pastor Joel Osteen's wife is fighting to keep 10% of her net worth in an ongoing civil suit. Continental flight attendant Maria Brown is suing Victoria Osteen for assaulting her over a drink spill. The Osteens left the flight, leading to a $3,000 fine by the FAA. Jurors audibly gasped as Osteen's attorney accused Plaintiff's witness of testifying by playing the race card. The ugliness continues in a Houston, Texas courtroom.

19-year old Joshua Allen is the Season 4 winner of So You Think You Can Dance. Read yesterday's spoiler alert at Entertainment Weekly.

Harvey Weinstein shoved Catherine Zeta-Jones' latest release under the bus. His new distribution company Third Rail Releasing dumped Death Defying Acts in the UK after last week's dismal U.S. box office receipts. The film opened in two theaters and made less than $4,000.

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty continue getting hot and steamy. Despite reports of reconciliation with his wife, Getty and Miller were spotted together Wednesday in a Malibu Country Mart shopping center.

Tons of celebrity divorces in the works. Dixie Chicks Emily Robison finalized her divorce with crooner Charlie Robison. Tennis star Pam Shriver filed for divorce from actor George Lazenby. Cynthia Rodriguez filed for divorce from New York Yankee's star Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod shot back with a request for enforcement of their prenup. Pro-wrestler Ric Flair may be headed for divorce after muddled reports surfaced about wife Tiffany filing papers. Boston Red Sex owner John Henry reached an out of court settlement with wife Peggy Sue Henry. And actor Morgan Freeman and wife Myrna Colley-Lee filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. The two were separated before Freeman's serious car accident and subsequent hospitalization. Freeman was released from the hospital sometime after 12 noon yesterday.

Elvis' famous peacock jumpsuit sold for a record $300,000 at auction. It was the highest amount ever bid for Elvis memorabilia. Daughter Lisa Marie is pregnant with twins.

David and Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Liam Gallagher, and Patsy Kensit made the short list of sixteen contenders vying for the title of "most influential magazine cover off all time."

Singer Jewel and longtime rodeo star boyfriend Ty Murray eloped, surprising tabloids after living together for more than ten years.

The new Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, will not lose her title for modeling jewelry in the nude. The controversial photos were taken before she competed for the crown.

Denise Richards is an "unappealing reality star" and her E! show faces possible cancellation. Viewers are fleeing in droves after the Charlie Sheen-ex used foul language on her show and publicly battled Sheen in an ugly custody battle for their two toddler daughters.

Beyonce and Jay-Z Play Gossip Roulette

Don't know about you, but I have no patience for celebrity cat and mouse. I'm starting to notice a trend of leaked falsities and clear as day realities denied, the latest a Nicole Richie Joel Madden hoax. My frustration goes beyond whether Beyonce or any other celebrity du jour is pregnant.

Oh how I long for the days of dependable celebrity gossip (yeah, right). We'll all know in good time, my pretties, all in good time.