Prince William Unrecognizable, Powell's Endorsement Undeniable, Lohan's Tan Unreliable and Mo' Gossip

It was a night of douchebag debauchery for the future King of England. Not on William Wales' end, mind you, but the idiot bodyguards who supposedly kept him from fraternizing with Queen Xtina. At some point, His Highness was recognized and given court before setting out with Prince Harry on a week long South African motorbike race for charity. I don't know who snapped this romantic memento of the Prince's glitterati rendezvous sans hubby Jordan Bratman, but that's the most photogenic Christine Aguilera has looked in months.

Actor Alan Cumming recalls washing away his disappointment over 2004 election night result with handstands and trannies. Today, he fears possible revolution in the event of a similar outcome this November.

Respected GOP stalwart Colin Powell finally announced his endorsement for president and it's .... Democrat Barack Obama. Surprise! Meanwhile, the McCain Campaign somehow persuaded CNN to scrub its report of the Palin family's involvement in the Alaskan Independence Party. Media censorship knows no boundaries.

Like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle," claimed Guy Ritchie in describing love-making with soon to be ex-wife Madonna. Ritchie blamed the material girl's obsession with exercise and Kabbalah for sex life interruptus, some draughts lasting as long as 18 months.

Foo Fighters front man David Grohl too chicken to dedicate song Everlong to Sarah Palin? That's the rumor being floated after the band protested the McCain Campaign's use of song My Hero. Grohl appeared at a private video gamer event where he almost segued from a Palin reference to a dedication, then quickly substituted "... the Republicans" as recipients of his affection.

Fake tan malfunction alert. Calling all hosers. Can't explain why this non-news item made today's cut. Must be the lure of Lindsay Lohan's naked two-toned legs, although from the looks of strategically placed stocking holes, the cover-up doesn't seem nearly as garish.

Echoing Alec Baldwin's empty threat to leave the U.S. in the event of a George Bush presidency, Tina Fey claims she'll leave the planet if the McCain-Palin ticket wins the election. Exactly how the 30 Rock star plans to handle the unthinkable is between her and doppelganger Palin.

Underage Sex Slavery Calls For Response and Mo' Gossip

"Call + Response," a new documentary funded solely through donations, explores the underbelly of the juvenile sex trade. With compelling first hand accounts by activists such as Madeleine Albright, Daryl Hannah, Julia Ormond, and Ashley Judd, along with performances by musical artists including Moby, Natasha Bedingfield, Matisyahu, Imogen Heap, members of Nickel Creek and Tom Petty’s Heartbreakers, the film goes undercover and calls upon everyone to stop the misery.


Too many drugs in the House of O'Neal. Daughter Tatum an admitted coke head and now the boys. Ryan O'Neal and son Redmond were arrested after police found a suspicious substance resembling methamphetamine. Lawyers for the tony two denied any wrongdoing.

Lego has created a cadre of glitterati to celebrate its 30th Anniversary. Mini figures such as Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Posh and Becks, and Simon Cowell will go on display, but won't be released to the public.

Another star-studded fundraiser for Barack Obama netted about $9 Million in contributions. The main attraction was a concert by Barbra Streisand. Notable celebrity supporters included Will Ferrell, Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg.

And speaking of Obama, actor Ed Norton has agreed to stop publicizing his upcoming documentary about the rise of Barack Obama. According to Norton,

We're making a historical record and not something to play a role in the election, so we have an agreement that this is something we won't talk a lot about or publicize until the election is over. I can't really comment on our access to Obama because it's part of our arrangement with the campaign, but it's a fascinating thing to be able to be documenting. We'll have an opportunity to talk about that process when it's all unfolded but we kind of have to stay off the record about it until it's all resolved.

George Clooney Hungry for Sack of Potatoes Tails Kidman

[click to enlarge]

Gotcha! That's Nicole Kidman cradling newborn Sunday Rose as they exit the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden, London with a Clooney-esque driver bringing up the rear.

When, oh when will we get a good look at that growing baby?

Celebrities Trash Sarah Palin and Mo' Gossip

The Rush Limbaugh Show painted Eva Longoria Parker as the latest celebrity to voice her opinion about the qualifications of Republican V.P. Nominee Sarah Palin. In an unverified promotion for tonight's 2008 Alma Awards, Longoria Parker reportedly stated, "After four years of sex and treachery in Desperate Housewives, I thought I was a perfect pick for vice president." We thought she was the perfect pick for baby bump speculation, but what do we know?

An airport paparazzo suffered a "gak" attack at the hands of musician Kanye West and his manager, Don Crowley. Facing charges of felony vandalism, West was released from police custody Thursday afternoon. "We back in the lab!!! I'm cool with the paparazzi. This guy wasn't cool. I gotta work now... I'll rant later," wrote West on his blog. All good about being cool, but did he ever stop to think the problem might not be the cameraman?

Appearing in Toronto to denounce animal abuse, former Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson had some more choice words for Sarah Palin. "I can't stand her," Anderson told E! News Weekend Canada. "She can suck it!" Oh come on, Pam. Say how you really feel.

The lively ladies of The View hosted Senator John McCain, then grilled their guest with accusations of lies, distortions, and walking in lock step with his party. McCain claimed he was the same guy as always, a maverick who will clean up Washington. Using what -- a hunting guide from Dick Cheney?

Saturday Night Live will premiere its new season this weekend with guest host Michael Phelps, Baltimorean and Eight Time Olympic Medal Champion. Speculation is rampant about the actress best suited to play Sarah Palin. Yes, there's a certain separated at birth look about Tina Fey and Gina Gershon, but my money's on Kristen Wiig. What do you think?

Brad Pitt Rescues Fan and Other Celebolitics Shorts

The Tuesday Wrap:

A hero of The Venice Film Festival can now rest comfortably on his laurels. As an anxious fan almost fell into the canals below, Brad Pitt reflexively offered a hand to scoop him away. Pitt then gave the boy an autograph before making a quick exit stage left. [more]

He's here, he's there, he's everywhere. If there isn't a limit to striking the iron while it's hot, there should be. In addition to scheduled appearances on the season openers of Oprah Winfrey and Saturday Night Live, Olympic champion Michael Phelps paraded with Mickey, filmed a cameo with Ari Gold, and accepted an invitation to present at MTV's Video Music Awards. Is there anything the eight medal in one Olympian cannot do? Yeah. Lead a victory parade in his own hometown. Happy hobnobbing, Phelps. [more]

Baltimore isn't the only town holding its breath for a celebration. The Republican National Convention remains on high alert as big names cancel appearances right and left. The political correctness of Hurricane Gustav is killing 'em in St. Paul, Minnesota. Let's hope the same doesn't happen to residents of The Big Easy. [more]

CCTV had an eye-opener when actor Josh Harnett and a lady friend drew the curtains in a seemingly secluded portion of the Soho Hotel library. Little did they know, employees gawked as video cameras captured their explicit sexcapades. Afterward, Harnett was quietly asked to take his business elsewhere. [more]

Model and singer Grace Jones sent tongues wagging with a bizarre array of stage outfits and headgear. Strutting her stuff at the Electric Arena in Ireland, the fishnet clad diva's mental well-being was recently called into question. [more]

Another celebrity boy toy hits the scene, this time with 50-year old actress Sharon Stone. She and charity supporter Chase Dreyfous, 24, were recently spotted getting cozy in Malibu, California. The pair have been seeing each other for about two months. [more]

Always wanted to be a movie star but never fit the bill? Now's your chance to be a reality star... in the comfort of your living room, that is. Announcing "Imagine Movie Star." Oh yeah, it's for real. In a fantasy sort of way. [more]

And in big duh news, Amy Winehouse's incessant drug use is feared to have caused brain damage (must not go there...hold tongue....too easy... moving on). [more]


Daily Arrested:

Former British Celebrity Big Brother contestant, Jack Tweed, 21, was sentenced to 18 months in Chelmsford Crown Court for a 2006 assault. [more]

An assistant to Ginger Baker, prominent musician of the 1960s band "Cream," is on trial for twenty-seven counts of fraud. Baker had hired the former bank employee to help him with his finances only to find about 21,000 pounds missing from his account and fraud alerts disabled. [more]


Celebrity Causes:

Critically acclaimed actor Johnny Depp got on board with the Dan Marino Foundation. Depp played with former band, "The Kids" for half an hour in Pompano Beach, Florida to benefit special needs children. [more]

Kate Moss, Liam Gallagher, and Jude Law have donated personal items for charity. Among the items being sold to raise money for Breast Cancer Care are a signed pair of Christian Louboutin peep toe stilettos, a Martin Margiela suit worn in the remake of Alfie, a signed guitar, a leather jacket from Gary Kemp's days in the Spandau Ballet, and an original Jake Chapman drawing. [more]

Maybe it's a guilty conscience. Jude Law is also donating his time in war torn Afghanistan to maintain momentum for The United Nation's Peace Day celebration. Law says he wants more people to recognize the day because he believes it help save lives. [more]

"I Kissed A Girl" pop star, Kate Perry, plastered her chest to raise money for breast cancer research. Keep-A-Breast.org will receive all proceeds from the MTV video and ample bust casting. [more]

U2 frontman Bono and fashion designer Giorgio Armani have once again convinced actress Julia Roberts to design a T-shirt for charity. Her treetop acronym design will benefit the global fight against AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. [more]

The mother of all telethons smashed records once again. The organization run by comedian Jerry Lewis raised a record $65 million for the Muscular Dystrophy Association over Labor Day weekend. [more]


Civil Matters:

Claiming age discrimination, UK Channel Five replacement Selina Scott is taking the station and its Director of Programmes Ben Gale to the London Employment Tribunal. The former face of News at Ten, age 57, claims she did not receive a final contract to fill in for pregnant newsreader Natasha Kaplinsky because Gale wanted "a younger face." [more]

Survivor producer Mark Burnett filed a complaint with the California Labor Commission alleging former associate Conrad Riggs violated The Talent Agencies Act, a little known law generally used in disputes between actors and agents. Burnett claims Riggs acted as his de facto agent, defrauding him of fees and commissions. [more]

Celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz is being sued to pay for renovations to her Greenwich Village townhouse. Documents claim she has racked up debts totalling more than $700,000. [more]

The lies are not true. Novelist Salman Rushdie won a libel suit against former bodyguard Ronald Evans. Rather than claim damages for the harm to his professional reputation, Rushdie only sought reimbursement of legal expenses. [more]


Gone But Not Forgotten:

Host of the gardening television show, Sow What and Australian celebrity gardener, Kevin Heinze. Heart attack at age 81.

Australian actor, writer and director Michael Pate. Lung infection at age 88.

Theatrical comedian Ken Campbell. Unknown causes at age 66.

The King of Voiceovers, Don LaFontaine. Complications from pneumothorax at age 68.

Gone With the Wind suitor, Fred Crane. Complications from diabetes at age 90.

Babs Slams Palin, Garth Goes Wailin', and Gandolfini Sets Sail'n

In today's wrap of mundane celebrity gossip...


In a surprise weekend wedding, The Sopranos big kahuna, James Gandolfini married fashion model fiance Deborah Lin. The happy couple tied the knot before 200 friends and family in Lin's hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii.

Does anyone care that the boy they said who couldn't might be quietly dating the girl of his dreams? Rumor has it that eight time in one Olympic champ Michael Phelps is planning a cozy rendezvous with American Idol star Carrie Underwood when he visits Nashville, Tennessee.

Still coming off its record breaking ratings, the Democratic National Convention continues to tally up the stars. Compiled from various sources, A-listers on the scene in Denver include Stevie Wonder, Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg, Kanye West, Jamie Foxx, Charlize Theron, Anne Hathaway, John Legend, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lopez, Ashley Judd, Bono, Spike Lee, Ben Affleck, Cicely Tyson, Lou Gossett Jr., Alfre Woodard, Blair Underwood, Danny Glover, Pete Wentz, Cyndi Lauper, Ellen Burstyn, Kal Penn, Tony Goldwyn, Alan Cumming, Susan Sarandon, Tim Daly, Josh Lucas, Rachael Leigh Cook, Angela Basset, Matthew Modine, Rufus Wainright, Melissa Etheridge, Annette Bening, Sheryl Crow, Fergie, Rosario Dawson, will.i.am, Lily Cole, Kerry Washington, Richard Dreyfuss, Ashanti, Sarah Silverman, Chevy Chase, Giancarlo Esposito, Dave Matthews, Dana Delaney, Tim Daly, Gloria Reuben, Richard Schiff, Herbie Hancock, Chris Daughtry, Charles Barkley, Muhammad Ali, Idina Menzel, and Forest Whitaker, just to name a few.

And speaking of stars mixing their noses in politics, Barbra Streisand lashes out at candidate John McCain for his choice of a running mate. The former Hillary Clinton supporter who now backs Barack Obama calls Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin "a transparent and irresponsible decision all in the name of trying to win this election." Guess certain people don't need people as badly as the presumptive Republican nominee had hoped.

"There were times when being in the show was worse than high school. The environment there was like, 'Are you kidding me?' There was a lot of tension and unnecessary drama on the set, a certain amount of competition, and a certain, probably, anger about different salaries as the years progressed." So says Jennie Garth about her days in the 1990s fast lane, Beverly Hills 90210. The actress who is slated to star in the CW's 90210 sequel also claims turmoil on the original set turned her into an agoraphobic.

In a sad role reversal of victim and victimizer, Dame Helen Mirren recounts being date-raped, yet downgrades the possibility of sending perpetrators to prison. Women's rights groups are seeing red. Guess all those years of cocaine binging may have addled someone's brain.

Hilary Duff Lands in Pool of Paparazzi

Once again the public's insatiable appetite for "stars as they are" causes apparent anguish in Tinseltown. This time, paparazzi trail former Nickelodeon powder puff, Hilary Duff.

But is everything as it seems?

The hunt for Duff as she jaunts about el Lay is a nagging head scratcher. Her career marinates in tabloid style sections, yet a gaggle of camera people jostle to document a rather blase ensemble. Run of the mill oversized undershirt pulled over black body suit topped with matching go-go boots, a definite fashion whatever. The in your face presence of multiple photogs seems oddly out of place for a routine trip to the mall.

Is anyone else thinking what's wrong with this picture? Seriously, how did that many lenses pinpoint Duff's location? Better yet, why?

Maybe they've planted imperceptible trailing devices on celebrity vehicles broadcasting locations over a secret short wave radio channel. Much like amateur crime busters monitoring police scanners, the paparazzi decide when to send out the dogs. On the day they trailed Duff, it was a slow one for broadcasts.

On the other hand, Duff's father is once again in the news, this time to report his arrest and incarceration in a Texas jail. Good photo opp? Unlikely.

Perhaps boyfriend Mike Comrie is really a mole, working behind the scenes as a double agent texting photogs known locations in exchange for cold hard cash.

Could the anguished Duff be her own tip off? Stars have been known to "leak" their location to tabloids, hoping to increase public exposure. Duff is currently shooting the Mark Polish film Stay Cool, along with Josh Holloway, Winona Ryder, and Chevy Chase. Word from the top may be to get out the buzz.

In that case, they have our attention.

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.



Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

Keely Bares Icky, Madonna Tour Sticky, and Phelps Gets Wicky

Pierce Brosnan's wife, Keely Shaye Smith, gets tongues wagging by going boogie boarding in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny very mismatched blue bikini.

Director Christopher Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman in his next Batman movie may already come with a lifetime supply of whips and masks. Rumor has it that Cher is in negotiations to join the tentatively titled "Caped Crusader" film which begins shooting in Vancouver early next year.

France's new First Lady may be with child. Speculation is running rampant after paparazzi photographed President Nicolas Sarkozy affectionately patting Carla Bruni's rounded tummy during a seaside vacation.

Celebrate the Sweet 16 of Miley Cyrus at Disneyland this October. Be the first of 5,000 outrageously ga-ga fans to splurge $250 a ticket, and you too can party like a teenage rock star. Tickets go on sale August 30th at 9 a.m.

Sticky and sweet doesn't do justice to these photographs from Madonna's new world tour. The 50-year old pop sensation still has the moves of a woman half her age. Go Madge!

Could Jennifer Love Hewitt be getting cold feet? After shedding 18 pounds, the Ghost Whisperer star postponed her wedding to Sottish fiance Ross McCall, claiming different shooting schedules caused a strain on their relationship.

A hospital reportedly run by Celebrity Rehab star Dr. Drew Pinsky is under investigation. Within the past five months, three patients have died under mysterious conditions at the Pasadena facility.

To kick off Rock The Vote's voter registration drive, singer Sheryl Crow will give away digital copies of her new album Detours to the first 50,000 people who register three friends to vote. People who log on to the Rock the Vote website or join the group mailing list can also get a free download of her new song, Gasoline.

Before the Olympics wrapped, there was Olympic freestyle. Or maybe it was doggie style. No joke. Read all the sordid details direct from an Olympic insider.

Sure, everyone wanted to see photographs of Fred Phelps, estranged father of Olympic superstar Michael Phelps. But now comes word that Michael bought a multi-million dollar Baltimore condominium, snagged a book deal, AND is snogging fellow Olympian, the "racy Aussie dolphin" Stephanie Rice. Bet Fred must be kicking himself about now.

Gwen Stefani Gives Birth and Other Mundane Celebrity Gossip

This feature is sometimes known as Mo' Gossip.

Zuma Nesta Rock joins big bro, Kingston James McGregor as the second son of rockers Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Stefani gave birth by C-section early Thursday afternoon at Cedars Sinai Medical Hospital in Los Angeles. Although Nesta sounds like a nod to reggae great Bob Marley, the game loving Kingston actually may have helped name the new addition.

"The accusation is dangerous, defamatory and blatantly untrue. Victoria takes her position as a role model to young women very seriously and is horrified by this hurtful, fabricated story." So says Posh Spice's agent Jo Milloy amidst published reports that the diminuitive pop diva and fashion goddess secretly indulges in diet pills smuggled by her sister to stay a slim size zero. Beckham is considering legal action against British tabloid Now Magazine.

Don't get the wrong idea, gossip hounds. Woody Allen ingenue Scarlett Johansson is delaying her marriage to actor Ryan Reynolds until after the presidential election. Twin brother Hunter is so busy working on Barack Obama's campaign, the couple has decided to wait until his calendar is clear.

Fans left The Tyra Banks Show in a huff. The brains behind America's Next Top Model let her audience wait for almost two hours while she shot the breeze with staff and friends behind stage. During the taping she made the audience go outside to release balloons in honor of black models. Seems no one was in much of a mood to comply.

Yep. That's it. Sorry so short, but time constraints on this end. Tune in again for the daily Wrap of Crap.

Ellen DeGeneres to Wed, Jackson Browne Seeing Red, and Lindsay Sharing Bed

You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Another edition of The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

McCain and the RNC finally went too far. Musician Jackson Browne is the latest aggrieved celebrity with a beef against the Senator from Arizona. Browne joins an ever expanding list of celebrities with copyright infringement claims against McCain and the Republican Party, including Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Paris Hilton, ABBA, and John Mellencamp. Ohio RNC chairman Robert Bennett pulled the ad after Browne filed suit in L.A. U.S. District Court.

Contrary to persistent rumors, Madonna is not adopting another child. Or maybe she is. We're so confused. Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg has been known to issue misleading news in the past.

Ben Stiller continues to battle backlash against his latest film Tropic Thunder. But not for the reasons most people suspect. Apparently, Stiller is an equal opportunity offender, placing Caucasian actor Robert Downey, Jr. in black face, and repeatedly using the "r" word to refer to developmentally challenged children.

BET debuts a cross between Keith Olbermann and Bill Maher with a black perspective this Friday at 11 p.m. Entertainment news program The Truth With Jeff Johnson is the latest entry in the political entertainment genre.

It's wedding bells for DeGeneres and de Rossi. Popular talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and fiance Portia de Rossi plan to wed in a same-sex ceremony this weekend.

Get a chance to see what life looks like through the eyes of a famous celebrity. A-list stars donated their eyeglasses for an eBay charity auction benefiting Sightsavers International. Bidding ends on August 24th. Money from the auction will fund the work of the international blindness charity in 33 countries across Africa, Asia and the Caribbean to prevent and cure blindness and support people who are permanently blind or visually impaired. Former spectacle owners include Sir Michael Caine, designer Bruce Oldfield, George Michael, and Ewan McGregor.

Elizabeth Edwards is reportedly anguished over husband John's admitted affair with a campaign aide. Edwards was "unprepared for the amount of disgust and how swiftly everything else he had done in his career would be wiped away, and ... really reeling from that and afraid what it will do to their legacy as a couple and what their children will inherit." Maybe Edwards should have considered the scum sucking fallout before hopping into bed with a flooze.

Check out the "Celebs to Watch Out For" list. Paparazzi, you've been warned.

It's official. Lindsay Lohan confirms sharing a bed with lover Samantha Ronson. Lohan hasn't been with a man since the two started dating. Reportedly Sam has a real calming effect on the former wild child and the two are inseparable. Any relationship helping Lindsay tone down her hard partying ways is a big plus in my eyes.

Weight loss stories sell magazines. Just ask actress Jennifer Love Hewitt. After admonishing the tabloids for shining the spotlight on her cellulite, she encouraged women to be proud of their own bodies whatever shape or size. Now the star of Ghost Whisperer announces dropping 18 pounds in 10 weeks. "I am in a pretty good workout regimen that I like, so it inspired me to keep it up," Hewitt told US Magazine. Her trainer claims she didn't drop the weight to look good in a dress but failed to offer any other plausible motivation.

Jewel Elopes, Osteen Trial Plays Race Card, and Miss Universe Models Nude

Okay, we've succumbed to the pressure. You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Introducing a brand new feature here at The Spewker, The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

Jay-Z will not confirm or deny his marriage to Beyonce even though US Magazine caught him out and about with a wedding ring. Mr. Carter considers personal matters off limits to the news. In other words, NOYDB. Get the full story at Vibe. In related news, cosmetics giant L'Oreal denies lightening Beyonce's skin in recent print ads.

Celebrity pastor Joel Osteen's wife is fighting to keep 10% of her net worth in an ongoing civil suit. Continental flight attendant Maria Brown is suing Victoria Osteen for assaulting her over a drink spill. The Osteens left the flight, leading to a $3,000 fine by the FAA. Jurors audibly gasped as Osteen's attorney accused Plaintiff's witness of testifying by playing the race card. The ugliness continues in a Houston, Texas courtroom.

19-year old Joshua Allen is the Season 4 winner of So You Think You Can Dance. Read yesterday's spoiler alert at Entertainment Weekly.

Harvey Weinstein shoved Catherine Zeta-Jones' latest release under the bus. His new distribution company Third Rail Releasing dumped Death Defying Acts in the UK after last week's dismal U.S. box office receipts. The film opened in two theaters and made less than $4,000.

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty continue getting hot and steamy. Despite reports of reconciliation with his wife, Getty and Miller were spotted together Wednesday in a Malibu Country Mart shopping center.

Tons of celebrity divorces in the works. Dixie Chicks Emily Robison finalized her divorce with crooner Charlie Robison. Tennis star Pam Shriver filed for divorce from actor George Lazenby. Cynthia Rodriguez filed for divorce from New York Yankee's star Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod shot back with a request for enforcement of their prenup. Pro-wrestler Ric Flair may be headed for divorce after muddled reports surfaced about wife Tiffany filing papers. Boston Red Sex owner John Henry reached an out of court settlement with wife Peggy Sue Henry. And actor Morgan Freeman and wife Myrna Colley-Lee filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. The two were separated before Freeman's serious car accident and subsequent hospitalization. Freeman was released from the hospital sometime after 12 noon yesterday.

Elvis' famous peacock jumpsuit sold for a record $300,000 at auction. It was the highest amount ever bid for Elvis memorabilia. Daughter Lisa Marie is pregnant with twins.

David and Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Liam Gallagher, and Patsy Kensit made the short list of sixteen contenders vying for the title of "most influential magazine cover off all time."

Singer Jewel and longtime rodeo star boyfriend Ty Murray eloped, surprising tabloids after living together for more than ten years.

The new Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, will not lose her title for modeling jewelry in the nude. The controversial photos were taken before she competed for the crown.

Denise Richards is an "unappealing reality star" and her E! show faces possible cancellation. Viewers are fleeing in droves after the Charlie Sheen-ex used foul language on her show and publicly battled Sheen in an ugly custody battle for their two toddler daughters.

Shia Busted Again for DUI and Mo' Gossip

Hello, world. IT'S MOAN QUIVERS! Reporting to you live from the red carpet in virtual Hollywood. Even though no one seemed to enjoy last week's titillating round of gossip, I'm getting a second shot at this gig.

So, without further ado, here are my sizzling gossip picks for our Monday morning "Weekend Wrap."

Keira Knightly won't buckle under pressure to permit digital enhancement of her upper torso in movie promotions. Only in Hollywood, folks. You go, girlfriend... er tomboygirl ... erm, whatever. [NY Daily News]

More disturbingly intimate photos of Miley Cyrus have hit the fan. Yech. Ptooey. Somebody better teach the Disney diva about the better part of valor before her fan base hits the fan and moves on. [Ocean Up]

The supermodel and the quarterback put their respective bachelor pads on the market. Do I hear wedding bells for Tom and Gisele? When can we start calling them Gisom? [People]

I know who I'm hitting up for a night on the town. Forbes ranked top paid female celebs and you'll never believe who hit #1! Hint: It wasn't Reese. [Hollyscoop]

Once again, Shia LaBeouf has been busted for DUI. Lately, the Disturbia star is showing disturbing signs of serious trouble. LaBeouf crashed his truck around 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning and underwent surgery for injuries to his left hand. Police are using blood drawn at the hospital to confirm alcohol levels. Woo boy. [TMZ]

Richard Simmons intends to wipe out childhood obesity one chunky chubby at a time. The exercise guru discusses plans to march on Washington in support of new legislation. [Extra]

Bobby Kennedy, Jr. and wife Mary have turned construction of their new environmentally friendly green home into a 13-part reality series. "This Old House" star Bob Vila will supervise the project. [Rush and Molloy]

Now here's something truly wacky. Some wild and crazy Iowans tried to take Congressional matters in their own hands by making a citizens arrest on Dubya's old pal, Karl Rove. Too bad these crazy mixed-up kids were then arrested themselves. But ya gotta admire all that spunk and determination. [CBS]

She supposedly busts up a perfectly good marriage and now she's suing the photographers who caught her trysting nakedly with a married man. Homewrecker! Hussy! Ho! Blaming the paps for your sinful ways is lower than dogmeat. [Hollywood Newsroom]

Talk about being a wanger. Andy wangerhead to be precise. Yes, Andy Dick goes out of his way to prove he actually can get arrested even though hardly anyone in Hollywood will touch him with a ten foot pole. [Uberazzi]

That's a wrap. Tune in again next Monday morning for another live Moan Quiver's report. Ta.

Katie Holmes Goes Molly and Mo' Gossip

To beef up the profile of our virtual Hollywood correspondent Moan Quivers, we're starting a new Monday morning weekend wrap of tacky gossip and related oddities. No relation to celebrity politics whatsoever. Moani needs more to do around here.

Oh, oh, I'm so excited. I finally get my own regular weekly feature. This is such a step up from that tired pink bot. Thanks, peoples! I'll try not to let you down.

IT'S MOAN QUIVERS !! Wow. I'm getting slightly misty-eyed. Play it, Bruno!

No, wait. That was my other gig. Ah-hem, moving on.

These Aussie guys are party animals. Haimish and Andy, get it? You'd have to be really old. These two aren't. Feeling a tad kindred spirit with young Andy, if that is indeed his real name.

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom continue to deny rumors of a break-up. Kissy-kissy. Next time don't be so public when cozying up to the grease.

Peek-a-boo Nahla Ariela Aubrey (aka Halle Berry's daughter). Oh, show her blink'n face already! That kid's gonna be driving a car before we get a good gawk at her.

Britney Spears would be meshuganeh to poo-poo her parents now. She looks better at this Generation Rescue gala than she has in years. Brit's back in the recording studio and taking a stab at a comeback. Now if she would drop that hideous paparazzo and date some normal people, I might have to stalk other places for dirt.

Daisy, sweetheart, no doubt you are the inspiration for this incredibly funny SNL skit. Dave, darling, there are better scraps in the dumpster.

I feel like I'm reading a spy novel. "The departure began at 3:50 a.m. .... minibus with darkened windows ... sudden spray of light ... very quickly organizing themselves inside ... 'Pouf!' they were gone." No wonder the French reported the birth of Brangelina's twins as a major American news event.

Katie Holmes has been channeling her inner Molly Ringwald. TomKat must be on the prowl for Hilary Swank roles.

Ooooo. Kelly Osbourne engaged? Doooo tell!

Dumkopf. If you hadn't pressured him to marry you in the first place you'd still be together. Sarah pines for George. Duh.

Speaking of pressure, if Jennifer Aniston knows what's good for her, she'll stop swooning all mooney-eyed. Dog Norman has taken an intense disliking to new beau, John Mayer, for good reason, I'm sure.

One of our favorite producer/directors Brett Ratner will be working with his Rush Hour trois star Chris Tucker again. The two plan to bring a big tell all Sinatra biopic to the big screen.

Brenda's back. Shannen Doherty will return for multiple guest spots on the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off, 90210. That muffled sound you hear is Aaron Spelling turning over in his grave.

So... ya think they should expand this spot to a daily?

Sean Penn Hooks Up With Petra Nemcova

Aw shucks. We can't get the gossip scoop on anyone. Recently separated actor Sean Penn showed up with model Petra Nemcova at Elton John's post-Oscar bash. Yada yada. Moan Quivers reports Sir Elton's hair looks like tufted rooster head feathers. Love the charity ball, hate the hair. At least Sir Elton didn't cancel his annual fundraiser out of spite...unlike disgruntled actors/directors who were nowhere to be found on Oscar's red carpet.

Celebrities Served 12.13.07

This is the first edition of a new feature here at The Spewker. A roundup of political and legal news culled from the world of entertainment:

1. The home of the “Voice of Los Angeles,” could be razed rather than preserved as a national landmark. The new owner claims Bukowski was a Nazi sympathizer. [utchmynitz]

2. Akon plead not guilty to criminal charges for tossing a young fan off a concert stage earlier this year. [pravda]

3. PETA is targeting Olsen twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley, for killing animals to look attractive. [dumbasscelebrities]

4. Media mogul Conrad Black was sentenced to 6-1/2 years in prison for fraud and obstruction of justice. [canoe]

5. Gary Collins has been charged with driving under the influence, but somehow escaped prosecution for manslaughter after his accident victim died. [latimes]

6. Daniel Baldwin’s lawyer wants an arrest warrant dismissed, claiming his client's failure to appear for a scheduled hearing was an honest mistake. [celebnewsupdate]

7. Speaking of mistakes, everyone’s favorite screw-up skipped a scheduled court deposition in her pending child custody case. [babble]

8. Madonna is battling the board of her luxury apartment for blocking her purchase of a neighboring property. [timessquaregossip] Madge recently horrified animal activists by dying her sheep rainbow colors for a spread in Vogue. [thenews]

9. In more New York housing battles, following a dispute with her landlord, Bianca Jagger was evicted from her home. [showbizspy]

10. Looks like a home isn't a castle on either coast. Burglars hit the Hollywood Hills estate of Charlize Theron. [13wham]

11. Shia LaBeouf can breathe a sigh of relief. Walgreens dropped trespassing charges against the handsome Transformers and Disturbia star. [stuff]

12. Handsome rules the day in awards news. George Clooney and Don Cheadle received the 2007 Nobel Peace Summit Award today. [thenews] Clooney is planning a second profile raising trip to Darfur next month to increase awareness of human suffering. [moono] His documentary about the war torn region, A Journey to Darfur, will air this Monday on the AmericanLife TV Network. [usatoday]

13. Sopranos creator, David Chase, is back in federal court fighting copyright infringement claims. A former municipal court judge argued Chase ripped off the successful HBO series from his crash course about the New Jersey mob.[blogonaut]

14. In other claims, the Rev. Al Sharpton denounced an IRS investigation into his non-profit civil-rights organization, National Action Network, as a low-down smear campaign to discredit his forthcoming presidential candidate endorsement. [officialteflontvblog]

15. More smear. A racist slur cover-up from the 2004 manslaughter trial of ex-NBA star, Jayson Williams recently reared its ugly head. [nj]

16. When will the drunk driving stop? Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver singer, Scott Weiland, was arraigned on DUI today. [msn]

17. Adding more fuel to the fires of the Bush administration, the 58th annual Berlin International Film Festival will debut Errol Morris’ Iraqi prison scandal documentary, Standard Operating Procedure. The festival runs in early February, 2008. [loosetooth]

18. Trying to make light of the whole Iraqi prison controversy, Fox humor columnist, Greg Gutfeld, suggests waterboarding torture tactics should become the country’s national sport. [thinkprogress]

Nobody Cares on October 23, 2007

I can't get my work done, my kid had an operation, the rented video is busted, and the downstairs toilet is not only stuffed up, but the flushing handle doesn't work.

Nobody cares.

Likewise, nobody cares about these culled tidbits from around the blogosphere:
1. J.Lo is preggers. Duh. Do we really need an announcement [ more...]?

2. After transmorgifying her image from this to this, we all know Tara Reid is just a washed up has been in bimbo's clothing. Everybody knows they're fake, dahling. Why bother with surgery when you have such a pretty face[ more...]?

3. Speaking of face, Britney changed some features of her own face the other day, then covered up to avoid the ever present paparazzi. Don't worry, Britney's mom, this too shall pass. [more...].

4. Eddie Izzard and Keifer Sutherland. Separated at birth? You be the judge [ more...].

5. Kim Kardashian continues to hang out in all the right places. After all, it was the woman's birthday. But why the body obsession? The more I read and see about Kim's tush and tiddies, the more I want to hurl. [ more...].

Well that's a wrap. And nobody cares.