Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Gary Busey Finally Meets His Waterloo

The episode opened with Lil Jon saying he might quit if Gary returned from the boardroom. No wonder Nene screamed for joy when Gary walked into the waiting room. The men would have to deal with Gary at least one more time. All of them wanted him gone.

Gary said he didn’t know why there was an alliance against him. He could only surmise his teammates were afraid of him. John said that wasn’t it at all. Right to his face, John called Gary either a saboteur or crazy and since Gary is a smart guy, he thought it was the former. With a lopsided smile, Gary clinked his glass against John’s glass and wished him the best of luck.

The teams were tasked with writing, producing and starring in a live cooking demonstration featuring a variety of products from Omaha Steaks. In addition, they had to create and name an original Omaha Steaks variety pack which had to be featured in their presentation. Teams would be judged on branding, their original variety pack, and their overall presentation.

The women picked Hope as their PM even though she admitted she didn’t know how to cook and wasn’t a red meat eater. So why did she lie to The Donald, claiming she was a steak eater? I don’t know if this will come back to haunt her in later episodes, but I think she should have come clean. Who cares if she eats meat or cheese? Do you think it makes a big enough difference to lie?

The men chose Gary as PM. The Donald said Gary was either potentially a genius or a moron and he hadn’t figured out which one. In a judicious exercise of restraint, Lil Jon said he had it figured out, but wouldn’t say.

Gary appointed Meat as chef even though Meat said he couldn’t cook. Neither Lil Jon nor John volunteered their cooking skills for the team. In the meeting with company executives, Gary asked questions that didn’t have apparent relevance to the task. He also went off on a tangent, creating a Father’s Day theme featuring a son and dad flying a kite with little connection to steaks. The whole team quickly became frustrated. Meat and Gary had a total disconnect. When Ivanka arrived on the scene, all three of Gary’s teammates complained about him. Gary said his teammates didn’t respect him.

"I feel like I walked into a group therapy session," moaned Ivanka.

The women fared much better, although Star immediately commandeered the task by assigning jobs. She also led the meeting with company executives. No one, except Marlee, seemed able to get a word in edgewise. This did not sit well with Nene. Hope asked LaToya to be the chef because it was the easiest job of the task. LaToya became visibly upset when Hope changed her steak demonstration to burgers. Nene preemptively ridiculed LaToya, imagining how LaToya would later complain about this to The Donald. In reality, it was Nene doing the complaining. LaToya started a fire while prepping the food for the presentation. This further upset Nene.

Close to presentation time, Gary realized their menu was wrong. John, who was responsible for coordinating the menu, nearly bit Gary’s head off. He complained about Gary calling him "boy" — which Gary denied — then refused an apology, even though Gary seemed sincere. Meat was upset that they didn’t rehearse the demonstration.

During their presentation, Gary tried to work his magic, but fell short. He decided to pick winners from the audience to eat their prepared meals, but company executives thought this was awkward. They also couldn’t understand why John and Lil Jon contributed almost nothing to the demonstration. And they hated Gary’s Father’s Day theme, especially the part about the kite. The only thing they did seem to like was Meat's performance as chef. Funny, since Meat complained that he couldn't cook.

The women’s presentation was very good, with some exceptions. The audience couldn’t understand everything LaToya said because she spoke too softly. Neither Nene nor Marlee said "Omaha Steaks" in their presentation and the women ended their presentation by shouting "Omaha!" This did not sit well with company executives. "I wish they would say ‘Omaha Steaks’," whispered one to the other. They also didn’t like that the food was pre-prepared.

In the boardroom, all of the men complained about Gary. John called Gary’s management style "a catastrophic collapse of time management." Meat chimed in that he was upset about not rehearsing.

"The menu was printed wrong and was the wrong menu," Meat further complained, blaming Gary for the mistakes. The Donald made Gary recite his Father’s Day theme then called it "overly complicated." The team saw that as an opening to gang up on Gary. Lil Jon said Gary was in outer space.

"Gary is not always on earth here with us. We were so frustrated. I didn’t have anything to do."

Hope praised the women and would not rat out Star for commandeering the team. Star said she would be proud to have Hope as her daughter and thought she did very well. Marlee also praised Hope. LaToya said she thought the team really jelled and thought of Star and Hope as her friends. Nene, however, couldn't hold back when asked about Hope. For that, The Donald labeled her negative. He then told the women they had won.

Star tried to comfort Nene in the waiting room, saying she had her back and didn’t think she was being unfairly negative. I thought this was incredibly kind, given the way Nene had spoken about Star earlier. Nene complained that Star was always preparing the graphic materials, thinking this would keep her safe. In fact, Star is very talented with graphics. Why shouldn’t the team utilize her for her strengths?

Back in the boardroom, Meat was so down on Gary he lost his ability to communicate. John and Gary got into another argument over the "boy" incident, John saying it was disrespectful and Gary saying he called John "ka-boy," a reference to the Dallas cowboys.

"That means you’re calling me a liar," John nearly spat back at Gary.

"I called you ka-boy," Gary insisted. The Donald saw the dispute as a non-starter.

Gary sealed his own fate when he wouldn’t bring any of his teammates back to the boardroom. The Donald couldn’t get over Meat’s frustration.

"Then, Meat Loaf, I’m going to make you very happy," The Donald said with barely a pause. "Gary, you’re very talented. You’re very unique. You’re an amazing guy. And Gary, you’re fired." Da-dum. Everyone on the team thanked The Donald. Gary cleared out as his teammates chose to stay in the boardroom.

Driving away in the town car, Gary said he was at peace with The Donald’s decision and blamed his teammates for getting him fired. Then he turned philosophical.

"I could turn a thunderstorm and a tornado into a rainbow, and I’m flying over the rainbow tonight," said Gary. "Who knows, it could be true."

Indeed. I expect to see Gary flying an ethereal kite somewhere off in space this very moment. He always brought a lot of humor to the show. Call him genius, a moron, or anything in between, the truth is, there probably never will be another Celebrity Apprentice contestant quite as entertaining as Gary. I, for one, will miss him terribly.


Read My Other Season 4 Reviews:

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Meat Loaf Meltdown

Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

With each team now down to five players, the time had come to separate the wheat from the chafe. The men have been whittled down to their strongest members: Mark, Gary, John, Meat, and Lil Jon. The women, on the other hand, could stand to lose some weak links.

LaToya, aware of her precarious spot on the team, decided to step up as PM. Mark volunteered to be PM for the men. That leaves Hope as the only player not to act as PM. A sure sign of weakness, unwillingness to lead, or sheer incompetence? She’ll have to become PM soon if she wants a spot in the final.

From the outset, the men were gunning for Gary’s dismissal. "We’ve all said that we may walk off if he doesn’t get fired," Meat privately confided to the camera. Mark said they couldn’t carry Gary any more. Gary seemed oblivious to the growing animosity.

The teams were tasked with creating a 10 by 10 ft. glass box to showcase Australian Gold sunscreen and body lotion. They would be judged on creativity, product integration, and branding. The winner would receive $20K from Trump and another $20K from Australian Gold. Nowhere close to the amount of money raised last week, but still a nice chunk of change for charity.

LaToya assigned jobs to everyone but herself. Immediately, Nene and Star complained about LaToya's lack of organization. Truthfully, no one knew what they were supposed to do. Nene offered an idea for the concept which LaToya nixed. In their meeting with company executives, the owners stressed family fun and the company logo, a surfing koala bear named Sidney. LaToya then cobbled together a "fun in the sun" theme with little detail. Assigned to props and costumes, Marlee complained she didn’t know what to buy. Playmate of the Year Hope volunteered to paint her body gold and strut around in a bikini. Inexplicably, LaToya said no.

Meanwhile, the men quickly latched on to Mark’s suggestion of a pirate theme that would showcase the product as buried treasure. John wasn’t sure a pirate motif fit the brand and Gary didn’t like the concept. In their meeting with company executives, the executives spoke again about family fun, emphasizing "treasure those moments with family." That convinced Meat the pirate theme was a winner. One owner began talking about teenage boys using the product. Gary interjected, "Gives you a sexual feeling" and the room seemed to go dead. The men were mortified by executives’ reactions. Again, Gary seemed clueless.

Mark, Meat, and John worked hard on fabricating their box and producing promotional literature. Mark sent Lil Jon and Gary to buy props and costumes. Privately, Jon said he was assigned to babysit Gary. The two of them picked out great costumes, but passed on the koala bear because Jon didn’t think it resembled Sidney. Gary became bored as they waited for the costume store to load their truck. He sang a made-up pirate song, danced the robot, and smoked a cigar.

"I’m cray-zee, but smartly cray-zee," Gary rapped out loud. Jon, looking like he might keel over, called Gary his kryptonite.

The women fared well with props and costumes. Marlee made sure they rented the koala bear costume. "A no-brainer," she said, referencing the meeting with company executives. Nene volunteered to wear the costume for the task. A budding friendship between Marlee and Nene blossomed. I wonder if it had anything to do with their rhyming names.

As expected, LaToya’s style of management didn’t sit well with her team. She didn’t tell the women they had to help construct the glass box. By that time, the women were tired and had no idea what LaToya wanted. Even Ivanka thought the beach theme was unoriginal. That sparked LaToya, at the eleventh hour, to add a snow theme to the presentation. Hope thought the idea was half-baked. Nene, already frustrated by being ordered to construct a beach from 6,000 pounds of sand, thought LaToya was acting kooky. LaToya didn’t fare much better with Star. Star wanted her to be practical about the budget. LaToya wanted to spend money the team didn’t have.

"I’m the project manager," proclaimed LaToya. "What I say goes." All right then. Figure out a way to get the money from thin air and you can spend as much as you like.

Miraculously, LaToya made everything come together for the presentation. While safe and unoriginal, the women’s glass box looked nice and drew a sizeable crowd. However, when Don, Jr. came to check on the women, Nene made sure to tell him LaToya did a lousy job. She said the implementation of the task was very chaotic and that nobody knew what they were supposed to do. Privately, Nene confided to the camera, "If we win, that means the guys sucked." LaToya told Don, Jr. she felt ostracized by her own team.

The men collectively worried about Gary. "There’s a huge concern about what Gary’s going to do," Mark privately confided. "Gary’s a wild card. You never know what Gary’s gonna do. Gary can be a real liability in a public relations campaign."

As it turns out, the men were right to worry. Their presentation was fabulous, with gold "wenches" in tiny bikinis, a motley crew of pirate actors, and an addicting pirate chant (penned by John). But when company executives arrived, Gary corralled them for the pitch, keeping them away from the rest of the team. He even went so far as to push Mark away. Gary also offered to act as company spokesperson "for a reduced fee, of course."

Gary’s nonsense was offending, but it was not the reason company executives chose the women over the men. The women’s presentation had its faults – not putting Hope in a bikini and covering up Nene with a koala costume – but they also had a concept embodying the brand and a real life company mascot. In contrast, the men only put Sidney on banners. The men also created a concept that did not resonate with company executives. They didn't think the pirate theme represented their brand.

Going into the boardroom, Mark said if his team lost, it would probably be him going home. "I would have to take full responsibility," Mark said, "because it was my concept." The Donald did not look pleased.

The Donald also looked surprised when Nene complained about LaToya’s management style and countered that LaToya was quite impressive. Marlee tried to be diplomatic in commenting on LaToya’s style. Although Nene remained firm about the chaos swirling around LaToya, The Donald was not convinced. LaToya complained that Nene didn’t like her. "It’s nothing personal, just business," Nene professed, another nod to the show. If they keep plugging the show's theme, do the celebrities earn more money for charity?

After The Donald announced the women had won, he told Nene to apologize to LaToya. Instead, while nestled in the waiting room, Nene ripped LaToya to shreds.

"You tried to make it look like I didn’t like you," she screamed at LaToya. "If you want to say anything about me, you say I’m real. If you didn’t like it, go in the bathroom and hide."

"Nene is all mouth and height," LaToya countered. "And she uses that to her advantage. Nene is a big bully."

Nene continued criticizing LaToya, saying she did all the work while LaToya stood there "like Casper the Ghost." Then it got ugly personal. "You fooled a lot of people with this but you have not fooled me," Nene yelled as LaToya cowered in the corner. "The only reason you made it this far is because of your last name. You faked it for 50 years. You’re very old. And you need to play your age and not 12. You’re an old lady."

Well that’s certainly laying it on the line.

In the boardroom, Meat tried to save Mark’s hide by ratting on Gary. He told The Donald about Gary’s "sexual" comment in the planning stages and about corralling company executives at the presentation. John and Lil Jon also ganged up on Gary.

"I now have a doubt in my mind that I didn’t have before this task that his dysfunctional ways were part of his makeup," John told The Donald. "Gary said last week that he likes to keep people off-balance. He is very focused in this boardroom, but outside the boardroom, he’s all over the place." That prompted Mark to take Gary back to the boardroom rather than fall on the sword for the team.

Out in the lobby, Gary wanted to know why the team was against him. Mark told Gary to "take a swim in Lake You and see what you find." Gary admitted to being 66-years old and having two out of body experiences. "I’m a lot further along than you," he reminded Mark. I have no idea what this exchange accomplished.

In their boardroom showdown, Gary denied making inappropriate remarks to company executives. He denied keeping them to himself at the presentation. And he also denied pitching himself as their next spokesperson. I don’t know if Gary seriously believed what he told The Donald or if his lies are part of a strategy to make it to the final.

In the end, however, it came down to Mark admitting full responsibility for the concept and the concept accounting for their loss. Mark could have shifted blame to Meat for reinforcing his idea, but instead left Meat totally out of the picture. The Donald said he did not like firing exceptional people, but Mark had to go. He also reprimanded Gary on his way out, saying he had a long way to go.

"You better shape up," he admonished Gary. "There are too many complaints and they cannot all be wrong. Watch your face and your hands, and watch your mouth."

Easier said than done. It is now clear that Gary has a strategy for staying in the game: keep his teammates in turmoil while denying all to The Donald. It‘s unlikely Gary can continue playing the buffoon without getting sacked. Promos for next week show him back in the PM saddle. I firmly anticipate a mutiny on the Bounty.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Dionne Warwick Makes Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Meat Loaf Meltdown

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Meat Loaf Meltdown Targets Gary Busey

Article first published as Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Meat Loaf Meltdown Targets Gary Busey on Blogcritics.

This episode of "Celebrity Apprentice" saw the most money ever raised in a single task, or for that matter, an entire season, including past seasons of "The Apprentice." A testament to the current cast’s star wattage, the episode will also be remembered for its "Meat Loaf Meltdown," a bizarre tirade directed at Gary and periodically hawked in the promos.

The crazy castigation was well worth the wait. Without skipping too far ahead, I think every other word out of Meat’s mouth was either the f-word or the s-word, although with all the incessant bleeping, it was hard to tell. It played more like an episode of "Late Night with Craig Ferguson" than a Trump production. All the while, I couldn’t help thinking what on earth is wrong with Busey? How can he absorb such abuse without reacting, nay, while simultaneously trying to pacify an imploding cruise missile ready to tear his fool head off?

As it turns out, Gary was smart to choose the high road, but more about that in a moment.

In the opening sequence, Team A.S.A.P. appeared to be falling apart. Sensitive Nene, still reeling from Dionne’s parting shot ("You’re a coward," Dionne nearly spat as she headed to the elevator), argued with Star while Richard stood eavesdropping nearby. John called the women "palpably sad." Three-weeks-in-a-row losses must be bad for morale, he surmised.

Before we could linger on the women, Trump ordered everyone back to the boardroom. The teams would create original works of art and seven New Era baseball caps to sell in their own art galleries. Whoever raised the most money would win. Contestants were encouraged to solicit from friends and family. Marlee, with connections to philanthropists, volunteered as PM for the women. John, the ostensible King of Nashville with country music connections out the wazoo, volunteered as PM for the men.

When the teams went shopping for art supplies, Meat confessed a dislike for Gary relating to his "attitude of entitlement." Huh? I must have missed something in the editing. Gary thought he could count on Meat to help buy art supplies, but that’s it. Otherwise, he pretty much kept to his own little world spouting off stupid acronyms:

ART: arrive at truth. FUN: finally understanding nothing. FORGIVE: Finding ourselves really giving individuals valuable energy. Who, except Gary, could engage in such nonsense and think himself pithy?

Back in the studio, Meat misplaced his bag of supplies. That’s when all hell broke loose. He accused Gary of stealing his paint, lashing out in a tone akin to Shrek’s roar. Gary insisted the paint on his desk belonged to him, but sponges in his space triggered a cuckoo reaction in Meat.

"I am the last person you ever want to @#!@ with," Meat screamed at the top of his lungs, eyes squinting into tiny slits. He also threatened to put Gary in the hospital. I love how Meat’s shirt label hung off his neck the whole time, like some kind of wild homeless guy. I wonder if he reacts as badly when his socks come out one short from the dryer. Uh, anger management classes, anyone? Been there, done that, according to Meat. Yikes.

Making the tirade even more bizarre, John found Meat’s supplies in a corner. I’ll bet that’s when 'ol Meat wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. He later admitted he was mortified by his crazy outburst and apologized profusely to Gary. By then, things had calmed down and Gary readily accepted with no hard feelings. Gary thought the nasty incident made their friendship stronger. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade. Gary feeds off of double rainbows.

The pressure was on to get money from friends and family. Jose and Richard privately admitted they had no one to solicit. Around that same time, Jose received bad news about his father’s health and decided to leave the competition. The Donald pledged $25K to Jose’s charity, The Baseball Assistance Team, and wished him well. Not one to shy away from negativity, Richard said Jose may have dropped out because he had no one to solicit. Sadly, Jose’s father reportedly passed away this past March.

In contrast, the women rallied around Marlee, who hit the ground running by soliciting big contributions. Marlee clarified at the outset she expected everyone to bring in large donations. LaToya made up some lame excuse about her family living too far away to contribute in time. Puh-leeze. With modern technology, the money could have been wired any number of ways. However, LaToya made up for her lack of soliciting by donating a one-of-a-kind designer shirt signed by brother Michael. The shirt later sold for $99K, and would have brought in more had the women’s credit card machine accepted amounts over $100K.

The women didn’t leave their studio on time and got stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Meanwhile, the men quickly set up their gallery with time to spare. They went to spy on the women less than an hour before opening and found their gallery empty. That’s when Lil Jon and Mark decided to shoot a video. Scrambling to get their artwork up, the women did a pretty nice job of making their space presentable. Upon opening, they received a slow trickle of patrons, but eventually, the flow of potential customers increased.

The Donald sent a judge to pick the best baseball cap design. LaToya won, receiving $25k for her charity, AIDs Project Los Angeles. John called in all kinds of favors from country music friends, receiving $470K for a bedazzled autographed guitar. For her part, Marlee made three sales of $99K each.

In the boardroom, The Donald was so impressed with the total haul, he allowed both teams to decide whether the losing team could keep their money. Surprisingly, Marlee and John both agreed. The men raised $626,908 for John’s charity, St. Jude’s Research Hospital, and the women raised $986K for Marlee’s charity, The Starkey Hearing Foundation. Marlee did not seem upset about her decision. The Donald also kicked in $14K of his own money, bringing Marlee’s total to a cool million.

Then, The Donald did something unprecedented. He let the women decided whether someone from the men’s team should be fired, as they had already lost Jose. The women went for the jugular, agreeing somebody had to go. "It’s just business," said Marlee, echoing the show's central theme.

The Donald let the women stay in the boardroom to voice opinions about who should be fired. When his teammates said Gary was the most unfocused, Marlee intervened on Gary’s behalf. Luckily for Gary, and probably because he did not react to Meat’s meltdown, The Donald decided to fire Richard. Richard raised the least money of anyone on his team and was definitely the weakest link in that area. One would think he would fight to stay, but dumbfounded Richard sat there patiently waiting for a turn to speak. It never came. The Donald talked throughout his decision-making process. If Richard wanted to defend himself, he should have piped up and interrupted.

Lesson learned: Sitting patiently and quietly in the boardroom when it’s your head on the chopping block is not a wise course of action.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Dionne Warwick Makes A Cowardly Exit From Boardroom

Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Article first published as TV Open Thread: Celebrity Apprentice Recap - Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom on Blogcritics.

This week, the women’s team began the task with fairly low morale. Having lost two weeks in a row, the team was down to only seven members. A well-stocked team could let lightweights LaToya, Dionne, and Hope slide, but clearly the women had their work cut out for them before they stepped out of the gate.

The teams were tasked with creating a 30-second commercial showcasing the ACN videophone. ACN executives stressed the importance of creating an emotional connection rather than focusing on function. The women, led by Nene, immediately centered on family, creating a spot where a young girl in France communicated with loving parents in America. Academy Award Winner Marlee took the role of the mother, while Grammy Winner Dionne stepped up as French host mother. The women made an excellent video.

However, ACN sales reps would select the best video, not company executives. The men saw this as an opportunity to "think outside the box" and roll the dice. They created an edgy concept called "Tommy Gets Engaged," a gag that "went for the gay angle" by casting a make-up-laden Jose in the role of Tommy’s fiancé.

"It’s either gonna go over real big when we deliver the punch line or it’s gonna go down badly," said PM Lil Jon. "Gay Jose" was their punch line, the fiancé presented at the end. On the other end of the videophone, Gary played a doddering grandfather clad only in black socks and bathrobe. During filming, he accidentally flashed "Big Wednesday" to the camera. Cut! Edit.

For the fourth week in a row, almost everyone on Team Backbone accused Gary of being difficult to manage. "Gary lives in his own world and has no consideration for other people’s space," complained Meat. Jon did his best to manage the distraction. "Just relax," Jon kept saying to Gary. "I am relaxed," Gary shot back. "Okay, then sit down," ordered Jon. Judging by the promotion for next week’s show, Gary better watch his back.

Same goes for LaToya. Supposedly due to LASIC surgery, LaToya suffered bouts of blurry vision. Nene assigned her the role of timekeeper then complained her 11-year old could handle such an easy job. LaToya was taken aback and defended her work for the team. LaToya is clearly a drag on the team, despite the praise heaped upon her last week.

Nene also complained about Dionne, saying she left the task too early. While the rest of Team A.S.A.P. patiently hung around in the editing room, Dionne hugged Nene goodbye. "Oh, you’re leaving?" Nene asked as she hugged her back. "Well, bye. Thank you," she said as Dionne exited.

"My body said, girlfriend, it’s time for you to lay down. And being that I am the matriarch of the group, I felt I deserved a little bit of a reprieve," Dionne crowed privately to the camera. Oh brother, did that ever come back to bite her in the patooty.

Yes, the men gambled on their concept, hoping executives wouldn’t be too offended, and won the task in a 53-47 vote. Everyone on Team Backbone praised Jon’s leadership abilities and cheered his $40K win for The United Methodist Children’s Home. The women also praised Nene as PM. It wasn’t that her team failed – the vote was very close – rather, the men’s big gamble paid off.

But even before a victor was announced the women were at each other’s throats. At one point, Nene cried.

"What is going on with the women’s team? It’s the third week in a row you’ve lost. There has to be a reason for it. Who is your weakest player? Who could your team do without?" demanded The Donald.

It took a while for the claws to come out, but eventually, Nene and Hope pointed the finger at Dionne, while Star and Marlee fingered LaToya. After their very public feuding, I’m surprised Nene didn’t dump on Star. Then Dionne did something stupid. Just like Niki the week before, she essentially accepted the blame for her team’s loss and agreed that she should be fired.

"I seem to be the one who has no problem saying what I have to say and that may be a bit intimidating," speculated Dionne. "It seems that everyone wants to get rid of Dionne," she continued, referring to herself in third person. "If that’s the way you feel, it’s cool." The men, watching from the waiting room, were stunned.

It took prodding from Star and The Donald to get Dionne to change her tune. Star blamed the team’s repeated losses on women who won’t stay and fight for their charities. The Donald agreed that Dionne was basically quitting.

"I can go forward," protested Dionne, "I don’t want to go, but everyone wants me gone."

"Not true," countered Ivanka. "There are people on the team who want LaToya fired."

But The Donald would not let Dionne off the hook. "It’s too late. You did the wrong thing," he admonished, "Dionne, you’re fired." Once all the women were out of the boardroom, he turned to Don, Jr. and Ivanka, saying, "She looked me in the eye and challenged me to fire her. No one gets away with that."

Lesson learned. Do not accept blame unless you’re prepared to be fired. Dionne acted like a whimpering fool, trying to go out as a class act, then changing her mind midway, trying to claw her way back in. It doesn’t work that way in Trump Nation. No one who agrees to be fired walks out of the boardroom unscathed.

Dionne had the nerve to call Nene a coward, but the one with the big yellow stripe running down her back was Dionne as she walked to the elevator.


Read My Other Season 4 Reviews:

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under the Bus

Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Recap: Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

This article first published as TV Open Thread: Celebrity Apprentice - Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads on Blogcritics.

For a comprehensive recap of last night’s episode, mosey on down to Don Jr.'s official blog. There you’ll find a blow-by-blow account of the show's major talking points (which I’m sure will be updated soon). Two hours of Trump boot camp is much too much to summarize here. Besides, it’s more fun to focus on all the back stabbing and mud-slinging that happens on the show.

If pressed to characterize what went down last night, I’d call it "Battle of the Airheads." In this corner, for the women, presenting Niki Taylor: supermodel, crash victim, and "free and easy" PM. Niki is the kind of gal who doesn’t mind flouting her lack of mental prowess. While traveling with fellow model Hope to prepare print materials for the task – creating an outdoor camping experience to best showcase the RV and camping products of corporate behemoth Camping World — Niki confessed she wasn’t sure if they were living in the 20th or 21st century.

"Centuries I remember as 100 because there’s 100 cents on the dollar," Hope suggested as some kind of mental trigger. I still don’t understand the connection between centuries and dollars.

And in this corner, for the men, it’s PM Gary Busey: recovering addict, force of nature, and likewise a crash victim. Only in this case, the man landed on his head and hasn’t been the same since.

"I am focused like you can’t believe," Gary emphasized at the show’s outset. Oh yeah? Well then why without fail does every member of his team regard him as an unfocused buffoon? Is it jealousy over his Trump-proclaimed "genius" or disdain over having to carry an extra load?

For the record, despite Gary’s inadequacies and glaring inability to lead, the men pulled off a stunning victory. Say what you will about the power of positive thinking, John’s pandering country ballad, and lucky breaks (that’s "Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly" according to Gary), but if the men had lost, they would have sent Gary's head to the chopping block. Yes, Jose gives a bad name to lazy, overhyped sports personalities — sitting on his duff, reading a magazine, and taking a nap throughout the task – but the team convinced Gary to accept the PM slot because, let’s face it, they want him gone.

"You’re at risk, you know that," cautioned The Donald when Team Backbone announced Gary as PM. "I’m at risk every time I wake up," countered Gary. I think he was serious.

Clearly, Meat Loaf is not a fan. He and Gary locked heads last week waiting for Lisa to get the boot. And Lil Jon confessed he "wasn’t feeling" Gary after some tussling over the task. The two of them argued all the way home from the boardroom despite an impressive win. For his part, Gary called Jon an antagonist.

Off the subject, has anyone noticed a subtle change in The Donald’s hair? I swear he’s turning from blond to white. Maybe it was the sunlight or the camera angle. You know he’s about to become a grandpa.

But getting back to Gary, the guy is such a character it would be a shame to give him the ax, at least at this point in the competition. I sometimes think Trump and friends keep him around just to boost ratings, but then again, the women truly did deserve to lose.

Niki, however, made a huge mistake by shouldering blame for the women’s loss. I don’t care if her team finally worked well together or if Niki wanted the "class act" moniker more than a spot in the final, that girl should have stayed and stepped up for charity. Dionne failed spectacularly not only by skipping the trip to Home Depot (and thus costing Niki shrubbery needed to beautify the team's camping space), but also by lambasting Niki in front of potential clients. With Marlee chomping at the bit to fire Dionne, saying she only does the bare minimum each task, and Star in Niki’s corner ("I was thrilled with Niki as PM," said Star), The Donald could have easily fired Dionne.

Do you think Niki acted like an airhead? Would you rather be known as a class act than someone who fights on behalf of charity? Class act be damned, I would have stayed and battled.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus

Meat Loaf Meltdown

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus in Celebrity Apprentice Season 4

This article was first published as TV Open Thread: Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus in Celebrity Apprentice Season 4 on Blogcritics.

The Celebrity Apprentice is back with a cast more akin to It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World than Barnum and Bailey's three-ring circus. Actually, Season 4 of the star-studded reality romp plays more like a hybrid of the two with a pinch of Rocky Horror Picture Show thrown in for good measure.

Following in the career-enhancing footsteps of such reality fare as Dancing With the Stars and American Idol, this season boasts more than its share of name celebrities. There's Oscar Winner Marlee Matlin (complete with her own sign language interpreter), Oscar nominee Gary Busey, Grammy winners Dionne Warwick and Meat Loaf, former teen idol David Cassidy, and supermodel Niki Taylor. Add Playboy centerfold Hope Dworaczyk, country crooner John Rich, rapper Lil Jon, author and baseball slugger Jose Canseco, Michael Jackson's sister LaToya Jackson, former host of The View and current attorney Star Jones, reality housewife Nene Leakes, Harry Hamlin spouse Lisa Rinna, Survivor heavyweight and tax evader Richard Hatch, and Sugar Ray vocalist Mark McGrath to the mix for a season chock full of star power. The higher star wattage may have something to do with celebrities such as Bret Michaels, Piers Morgan, Joan and Melissa Rivers, Curtis Stone, Holly Robinson Peete, and Sharon Osborne enjoying upticks in their careers, all of whom appeared in seasons past. I'm just happy to see so many familiar faces on a show I have followed since its debut.

Sunday night's installment opened with a recap of the week before. The men and women were divided into two teams, Team Backbone and Team A.S.A.P., respectively. After the men lost the selling pizzas task, David Cassidy got the boot for rubbing Project Manager (PM) Richard Hatch the wrong way. He also wimped-out in the boardroom. Jose made no bones about wanting to punch Richard in the face, but refrained from making a scene in front of The Donald. Meanwhile, having raised over $169,000 -- the most money ever raised on a first challenge -- A.S.A.P. PM Star had the honor of transfering the gargantuan sum to her favorite charity, The American Heart Association.

The two teams briefly trash talked in the waiting room, then regrouped for their next task. Each received orders to create and write a children's book to be performed for four and five-year-olds. Judging the task would be children's book publisher Margery Cuyler and children's book author and former contestant Holly Robinson Peete.

Meat happily agreedy to act as PM for the men while pouty Lisa reluctantly accepted the reins for the women. Later in the show, she admitted she wasn't comfortable in the role, saying almost anyone on her team would have done a better job. "Does that signify weakness," questioned Don Jr. in the boardroom. "No," replied Lisa, "I just wanted to wait longer." Poor stupid Lisa didn't realize there are no brownie points for honesty. At least she had the sense to recognize a sorry lack of team support. Nene basically confirmed as much, privately confessing they chose Lisa because they knew she couldn't handle it and wanted her out of the competition early.

Fits and starts in the creative process hampered each team. Jose tossled with John over semantics in their story rhyme, arguing certain words didn't apply. Cursing ensued after Meat sent Gary and Jose to the wrong theater location, not once but twice. At one point, Jose looked as if his head might spontaneously burst into flames, but thankfully that didn't happen. When the men went to pick out costumes, Gary flew off on some ridiculous tangent, taking a shine to some prisoner costume rather than appropriate little boy clothes for his character. John had difficulty focusing Gary and the men started to run out of time.

But that was peanuts compared to the women. As Lisa desparately tried to formulate a concept, LaToya privately called her "discombobulated." Marlee wrote on a piece of paper: "Tell me what to do." Clearly, Lisa's team was not on her side. Dionne quickly hijacked the creative process, nixing Marlee's idea for a deaf lion and claiming deafness might sadden the children. Privately, Marlee called Dionne ignorant and publicly took offense. A frustrated Lisa declared the lion would not be deaf, leaving Marlee very unhappy. Marlee also thought their concept, a happy lion who needs to learn how to roar, had been done before, in fact, way overdone. For the record, Niki criticized the story lesson of "just be yourself" as too complicated for four and five-year olds. As expected, nobody cared.

Lisa delegated the task of creating the book to Star and Nene, a mistake if there ever was. Star refused to give final approval for the cover and ordered Lisa to leave rehearsal to complete it. Adding insult to inury, Star wanted cover credit for writing the story. Dionne piped in that she also wanted credit for creating the concept, to which Star readily agreed. Unfortunately, Lisa would have none of it. Story credit would go to Team A.S.A.P. or no one at all. "I'm the captain," Lisa privately complained, "we're on the Titanic and we're going down." Within the group, the fighting raged. LaToya almost cried while Hope showed support for Lisa. Sadly, it was not enough.

Everyone needs "to behave," chastised Lisa as Dionne took offense. She laid into Lisa who in turn dug in her heels. "Bring it on," taunted Lisa privately, "but I will not be brought down by a bunch of bitches. No way." Back in the group, Dionne sighed, "What's next" as jaws visibly dropped at the spectacle. "We're done," pouted Lisa. And they were.

"It was as if Lisa wanted plausible deniability," fumed Star. "When you try to take down the queen, make sure you kill her." Star the self-appointed queen? I'd like to see her and Dionne duke it out.

Overall, both performances went well, although both had noticeable defects. "I know my ABC's and my one-two-threes" the men rapped as children and parents happily clapped along. For their part, the women mesmerized the audience with sign language and cute animal costumes. Privately, Nene bragged she was the best animal in show even though her part lasted all of two seconds.

The judges liked the men's rhyming, but didn't like Jose and Meat's performances. They thought the women's theme was a little too complicated for four and five-year-olds and the font in their book too small to read. "I shouldn't have to squint," Holly complained to The Donald. She and Margery unanimously chose the men's team to win. "You're gonna make me cry," sniffed Meat as the winner was announced in the boardroom. The Donald promised to publish the men's book, saying money from sales would also go to Meat's charity, Painted Turtle, a camp for sick children.

Left alone in the boardroom, the women ganged up on Lisa, save Marlee who soundly denounced Dionne and Hope who sat mute. "She intimidates me as a person and people tell me she's a legend..." Marlee began, referring to Dionne. "Don't you know she's a legend" interrupted The Donald? "Well, I'm deaf," Marlee replied. Touche.

Marlee added that she was demeaned by Dionne. The Donald seemed unfazed. As expected, Lisa chose Star and Dionne to come back to the boardroom to see who would get the ax. Watching the ordeal from the waiting room, Lil Jon couldn't get his fill. "Catfight!" he cried out when The Donald snapped, "Turn off your TV." Let the clawing begin.

But it was not meant to be. Lisa basically crumbled under a constant barrage of criticism from Star. She said Lisa led from a position of fear rather than one of knowledge. "I did the best I could under the circumstances," countered Lisa. "I crumbled under the pressure of the whole team wanting me to take over as PM and you threw me under the f------ bus."

The Donald was flacidly unimpressed. "Lisa, you're the PM, but I'm just not seeing a lot of fight in you," he said. Lisa countered that she didn't want to fight the intense negative energy of her team. Dionne, showing her claws, said she would fight much harder as the PM. "Don't you see what they're doing," asked The Donald? "Star is playing you a little bit as a child. Same thing Dionne. Can't you see that?" Star quickly chimed in, "She's not fighting completely crazy because at her core she knows she failed as PM."

Fighting completely crazy? Man, I'd pay good money to see that.

In the end, as always, The Donald had the final say: "We're all giving you points, Lisa but you're really having a hard time with it. Look Lisa, you were the PM, your team lost, everyone thought you should go, and I have to say Lisa, you're fired." Boom. Skinny Lisa dejectedly walked out in her leopard-print dress, hands behind her back in defeat.

Fired for not having any fight, the usual black town car whisked Lisa away. She said it was an honor to work for Trump, then added, "I put myself out there and they threw me under the bus. Do I think he made the right decision? No. Are you f----- kidding me?"

Sorry, but with thousands of charitable dollars up for grabs, possible endorsement deals and a comeback in the balance, I'd say this is no laughing matter. And adding the f-word to otherwise meaningless rants does not a leader make.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Niki Taylor Thrown Under Bus
Meatloaf Meltdown
Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Do you like a good forgery? Watch Abe Lincoln giving a talk.

Yes, that's right. No, you really cannot trust anything you see on the Internet. Take a listen.

No microphones or movie cameras existed yet in 1862. But no matter. The technology today for doctoring old footage is still rough. It's easy to spot a fake like this, and watching Lincoln's lips move along with the voice is creepy. But over time, this software will improve and "reality" some day may become like just another flavor of ice cream or another type of TV show.

Beware, my historian friends. If Abe Lincoln can look at you in the eye and speak convincingly in what appears like his own voice and his own words, then how much weight will our skeptical, academic, scholarly works continue to carry in comparison?

Ace of Cakes Won't Be Your Friend if You Mess Up the Vote

Locally produced Ace of Cakes is starting to film its sixth season. The show airs weekly on The Food Network.

Production and other business obligations keep the crew of this bad boy very very busy. So busy in fact, I don't know when owner and star Duff Goldman finds enough time to churn out his confectionery creations. Or as they're otherwise known in the biz -- vanity cakes.

Okay, I made that up. Nobody actually refers to these works of art as vanity anything. They're fancified cakes in the shape of any image you like, a big plus for those harboring an artistic sweet tooth. A word of caution, however. Charm City Bakery is booked through the end of this year.

So, when Duff and the gang aren't busy making cakes or filming reality TV, how do they keep busy? By getting out the vote, silly. Even scary bakers with blue colander hats and cake knife pitchforks think participation in the right to vote is a matter of vital importance.

Based on the sign she's holding, the woman in green must either be an illegal immigrant or convicted felon. Either that or she has some obsessive-compulsive desire to avoid jury duty. Wonder how she'll keep busy on Novembet 4th.

Not. So very not.

60th Primetime Emmy New Category Awards

The 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards did a night of firsts at the the Nokia Theatre in Hollywood. A preliminary list of winners is here.

I love how they call the winners "outstanding" whatever in their category. Not "best" just "outstanding." That gave me an idea. Why not make up some "outstanding" categories from last night's broadcast and crown my own winners? Better than writing a diatribe. For better or worst (this is really a late post), here goes.

Outstanding Hot Outfit: There was low, low cut, chic, and chic sexy. There was Christine Applegate looking radiant and oo-lah-lah (I hope she does kick Christian Slater’s behind in their time slot). And then there was Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In a smoke’n hot apricot gown, Louis-Dreyfus emanated from the stage of a New York diner reminiscent of a Seinfeld episode, "The Contest." She later lost in her category to Tina Fey who graciously mentioned her as comic inspiration.

Outstanding Surprise of the Evening: I strongly disagree that the evening held few surprises why, it’s hard to narrow them all down. For instance, I had no idea Lorne Michaels actually wrote for Saturday Night Live. I thought he just lorded over cast members. Rob Reiner writing for The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour? I thought Meathead was his only TV credit. Who knew Tommy Smothers got high in 1967? Or that Martin Sheen would utter the least controversial political statement of the evening (everyone needs to vote)? And was that David Morse on stage with the winning cast of Mad Men? Didn’t he play some part in runaway winner John Adams? But to me, the biggest surprise of the evening was how Presenter Neil Patrick Harris and I thought exactly the same thing at almost exactly the same time. Howie Mandel’s yarblings and Steve Martin gushings were tremendous wastes of time, especially in light of presenters and winners being rushed off stage.

Outstanding "What’s YOUR problem?" Moment: This was a toss up. After accepting her award and making a nice short statement, Glenn Close had the gall to eat up more time babbling about some "Sisterhood of the Traveling Divas," ostensibly including the likes of her, Dame Judi Dench, and others (bet Dame Judi loved being included in that category). Still, the winner is Howie Mandel. After doing his St. Elsewhere rap, Howie asked specific members of the audience, "Why do you applaud?" The bit was barely funny. Degrading members of the audience for their polite reaction was downright rude.

Outstanding Presence of Mind During "Get the Hell Off the Stage" Music: Steve Colbert who won for best writer. As the music tried to shush him away, Colbert had the fortitude to thank Jon Stewart for humble beginnings and his wife and family for all their support.

Outstanding Production Gaffe: Mike flubbings for Vanessa Williams and America Ferrera and some nincompoop cut off Tom Hanks’ acceptance speech (don’t they know he is Hollywood royalty?). Perhaps winners Glynn Turman and Cynthia Nixon weren’t supposed to present three successive times. But, the home audience never saw the presenter for outstanding actor in a drama series (Keifer Southerland?) because production came back so late from commercial. Whoever is responsible for that idiotic move, you win.

Outstanding Presenter Who Couldn’t Get a Laugh if His Life Depended On It: No, it wasn’t Ricky Gervais trying to tickle his Emmy away from Steve Carell. Loved how Carell would not crack a smile. Tom Bergeron of Dancing With the Stars wins hands down. Hated that drama/comedy drop gag and the rest of his performance was as flat as toilet paper.

Outstanding "Wait Until I Get You Home" Look: Love the Rickles and love that he got two standing ovations. They tried to snuff out his line about the O.J. jury (all white front row) and "The Emmy goes to Herbie Dickman" line went right over my head. But the look on wife Barbara’s face when he said, "Today she sits in Malibu on the sand with the jewelry signaling ships," had me rolling. I imagine by now she’s used to the embarrassment.

Outstanding Cast in a Time Warp: They either have the best makeup artists, face lifts, and hair colorists in Hollywood or the fickle finger of fate has smiled on their saggy behinds. The five-member presenters of Laugh-In, especially Gary Owens, are amazingly well preserved. Jon Stewart leaning in for the French kiss win with Ruth Buzzy only to have her clobber him with that ratty brown handbag was one of the evening’s highlights.

Outstanding Cast in Time to Move On: Presenters Mary Tyler Moore and Betty White. If you’re going to do face lifts, you really should do them right. Are these grand dames of TV in their 80s? 70s? MTM’s face was so tight you could bounce a quarter off it. Don’t get me started on Betty White’s retirement colony pantsuit.

Outstanding Political Commentary: The award goes belatedly to Tommy Smothers. After accepting his long denied best writing award from 1968, Tommy had the best political lines of the night. "I can't stay silent when hearing peace is only attainable through war. Nothing is scarier than watching ignorance in action. I’m accepting the Emmy on behalf of other people who won't be silenced. Truth is what you get other people to believe." The audience laughed, but he wasn't joking.

Runners-Up: Laura Linny, lead actress in a miniseries or movie, saved time by thanking supporters privately and showed appreciation for "great community organizers who organize our country." Feigning disdain for political commentary, presenters Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert instead did a metaphor about prunes. Colbert said, "America needs a prune, granted shriveled and at times hard to swallow, but this dried up old prune has the experience we need," while Stewart countered, "After eight years, you would think America would have had enough." Kirk Ellis who won for best writing for miniseries John Adams had the grace to thank Tom Hanks and add "A period in our history when articulate men articulated complex thoughts in complete sentences. They used words ---" and yikes, got cut-off. Must have been a Republican in the tech booth.

Outstanding Imitations Making Gallagher Look Good: Josh Groban. Suicide was not painless as he sang theme songs from M*A*S*H to The Love Boat, to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood to the gospel style of The Jeffersons. Esther just Rolled over in her grave.

Outstanding Catch Phrase: Hard to pick just one. There was Barry Sonnenfeld who won best director for a comedy series, Pushing Daisies. "Love TV and fear the Internet." Tom Hanks acknowledged Presenter Sally Field as "Mom" and almost launched into a Forrest Gumpism. Guess he forgot about their roles in Punchline. Then there was Don Rickles, big winner after fifty-five years of no acknowledgments saying, "This crap got me no place." Paul Giamatti, best lead actor in a miniseries or movie, thanked "my fake wife, Laura." However, Tina Fey, big winner of the evening, also wins this category with the line, "Better to be a writer than an actor. At weddings, people are less interested in talking to you."

Outstanding Classy Remark: Even though they sat the cast of House way toward the back, Greg Utanes, best director of a drama series, thanked the Academy. And Presenter Sandra Oh acknowledged and waved hello to her parents. Winner? Seven times nominated first-time winner, Alec Baldwin, for outstanding lead actor in a comedy series. He was the first of many who was gracious enough to thank his co-nominees. Other winners followed his lead throughout the rest of the evening.

Outstanding Missed Opportunity: Presenter Bill Peterson, aside from wearing some questionable black number with velvet-looking lapels, let the biggest opportunity for a laugh slip right past his fingers. After accepting Tom Wilkinson’s award on his behalf, and hearing Conan O’Brien say he would hand an award accepted for someone else to Steve Carell, it would have been hysterical if Peterson had actually handed Wilkinson’s Emmy to Carell.

Outstanding Theory About Mad Men's Win: It was the only nominee in the drama category that had more than one word in its title.

Gone But Not Forgotten: George Carlin, Bernie Brillstein, Joey Bishop, William F. Buckley, Charlton Heston, Les Crane, Alice Ghostly, Ivan Dixon, Cyd Charisse, Mel Ferrer, Claudio Guzman, Barry Morse, Deborah Kerr, Larry Harmon, Estelle Getty, Roger King, Sydney Pollack, Ron Leavitt, Bernie Mac, Eric Lieber, Suzanne Pleshette, Abby Mann, Dick Martin, Delbert Mann, Harvey Korman, Jim McKay, Lois Nettleson, Mel Tolkin, Richard Widmark, Stan Winston, Tim Russert, and Isaac Hayes.

Outstanding Line of the Evening: Jeff Probst, first winner as outstanding lead for a reality program category. "G’night."

Jodie Marsh Hogs Red Carpet Roundup

A fourth judge will join American Idol when the program returns in January, 2009. Kara DioGuardi appeared in New York for a promotional event with fellow judges Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, and Randy Jackson. According to producer Simon Fuller, the format change is supposed to bring "a new level of energy and excitement to the show."


The 65th Annual Venice Film Festival kicked off with a screening of "Burn After Reading," a dark comedy from the madcap Coen Brothers featuring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, and Frances McDormand. The farcical spy movie is one of only five American entries competing for the Golden Lion, the Festival's top honor for best picture. Organizers blame fallout from last year's writers strike.


Brendan Fraser greeted fans at the premiere of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in Sydney, Australia. The movie, starring Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh and Aussie actor Luke Ford, opens down under on September 11th.


Daylight Robbery premiered at the UK's Apollo West End Cinema with reality star Jodie Marsh hogging the limelight. Actually, that's not all she was hogging. The film follows a group of English football fans using the World Cup as a bank robbery cover.


Star power is in full bloom at The Democratic National Convention. Sighted in Denver: Annette Bening, Spike Lee, Kal Penn, Cyndi Lauper, Anne Hathaway, Sheryl Crow, Danny Glover, John Legend, Dave Matthews, Pete Wentz, Ben Affleck, Alan Cumming, Tim Daly, Josh Lucas, Susan Sarandon, Rachel Leigh Cook, and stars of The GRAMMY's Rock The Convention Concert.



American Idol host Ryan Seacrest rang the New York Stock Exchange closing bell on Tuesday. NYSE Euronext Executive Vice President Larry Leibowitz joined Seacrest for the final gavel. Stocks ended mixed on concerns about the path of Hurricane Gustav, offsetting a better than expected reading on consumer confidence.

Jewel Elopes, Osteen Trial Plays Race Card, and Miss Universe Models Nude

Okay, we've succumbed to the pressure. You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Introducing a brand new feature here at The Spewker, The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

Jay-Z will not confirm or deny his marriage to Beyonce even though US Magazine caught him out and about with a wedding ring. Mr. Carter considers personal matters off limits to the news. In other words, NOYDB. Get the full story at Vibe. In related news, cosmetics giant L'Oreal denies lightening Beyonce's skin in recent print ads.

Celebrity pastor Joel Osteen's wife is fighting to keep 10% of her net worth in an ongoing civil suit. Continental flight attendant Maria Brown is suing Victoria Osteen for assaulting her over a drink spill. The Osteens left the flight, leading to a $3,000 fine by the FAA. Jurors audibly gasped as Osteen's attorney accused Plaintiff's witness of testifying by playing the race card. The ugliness continues in a Houston, Texas courtroom.

19-year old Joshua Allen is the Season 4 winner of So You Think You Can Dance. Read yesterday's spoiler alert at Entertainment Weekly.

Harvey Weinstein shoved Catherine Zeta-Jones' latest release under the bus. His new distribution company Third Rail Releasing dumped Death Defying Acts in the UK after last week's dismal U.S. box office receipts. The film opened in two theaters and made less than $4,000.

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty continue getting hot and steamy. Despite reports of reconciliation with his wife, Getty and Miller were spotted together Wednesday in a Malibu Country Mart shopping center.

Tons of celebrity divorces in the works. Dixie Chicks Emily Robison finalized her divorce with crooner Charlie Robison. Tennis star Pam Shriver filed for divorce from actor George Lazenby. Cynthia Rodriguez filed for divorce from New York Yankee's star Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod shot back with a request for enforcement of their prenup. Pro-wrestler Ric Flair may be headed for divorce after muddled reports surfaced about wife Tiffany filing papers. Boston Red Sex owner John Henry reached an out of court settlement with wife Peggy Sue Henry. And actor Morgan Freeman and wife Myrna Colley-Lee filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. The two were separated before Freeman's serious car accident and subsequent hospitalization. Freeman was released from the hospital sometime after 12 noon yesterday.

Elvis' famous peacock jumpsuit sold for a record $300,000 at auction. It was the highest amount ever bid for Elvis memorabilia. Daughter Lisa Marie is pregnant with twins.

David and Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Liam Gallagher, and Patsy Kensit made the short list of sixteen contenders vying for the title of "most influential magazine cover off all time."

Singer Jewel and longtime rodeo star boyfriend Ty Murray eloped, surprising tabloids after living together for more than ten years.

The new Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, will not lose her title for modeling jewelry in the nude. The controversial photos were taken before she competed for the crown.

Denise Richards is an "unappealing reality star" and her E! show faces possible cancellation. Viewers are fleeing in droves after the Charlie Sheen-ex used foul language on her show and publicly battled Sheen in an ugly custody battle for their two toddler daughters.

David Arquette Struts Obama Stuff and Other Celebolitic Shorts

This site isn't the only one mixing up politics and celebrities. In today's "Bastard Child" feature, a sampling of mutant celebolitic spawn from around the country.

Is the "man-tango" too shocking for prime time TV? Celebrities weigh in on former 'N Sync star Lance Bass possibly dancing with a same-sex partner on ABC's Dancing With the Stars. The show's Season 7 cast will be announced on the August 25th broadcast of Good Morning America.

Little Coco Arquette's doting dad made an attractive fashion statement for Barack Obama. Better late than never, buzzchrome.

Hoisted "by his own petard." Sorry, but there's something hilariously funny about John McCain preceding the word "petard" in the same sentence. The belabored controversy over who's the biggest celebrity politician, Obama or McCain is starting to grate on my nerves. Who cares about McCain's scrubbing his website of celebrity references? Isn't it time for the candidates to explain their positions on more important issues like healthcare, the economy, energy development, and securing our borders?

Congressional legislation has become so boring they're packaging it as a movie preview to grab attention. Are the editors of The Congressional Record just frustrated screenwriters in disguise?

And speaking of screenwriters, now they're mining movie dialogue for political "truth." Oh brother. Valliant effort, but just another rehash of movies with a political theme. Where's the insight, the truth, the pizzazz? Maybe the line between celebrities and politics is so blurred, even a seasoned reporter can't separate fact from fiction.

FCC Fine Tossed for Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction

Oh great. A three-panel appellate court invalidated indecency fines levied against network powerhouse CBS and its affiliate stations, ruling the FCC acted "arbitrarily and capriciously" in assessing the penalties.

Oh yeah? Well, five 12-year old boys were sitting on my couch watching that game, and not on MTV, I might add. I don't think their parents appreciated them getting a load of Janet Jackson's ridiculous sunburst on network TV.

That malfunction was so planned. Arbitrary and capricious my eye.

PETA "Give Peas A Chance" Slogan Rings Too Familiar

Unlikely coincidence or great minds thinking alike? I know everything published in the blogosphere is fair game, so I'll just sit back and let you be the judge.

Corey and Susie Feldman are politically minded reality TV stars. Corey, a vegetarian, is half of the famous child star duo who lived to tell about his tumultuous rise and fall in Hollywood. He and the other half of The Two Coreys, Corey Haim, were recently slapped with a $1M lawsuit for producing their reality show on another network. I mention the litigation because it may be an indication of other suspect behavior. You'll see where I'm going with this in a minute.

Recently, the actor and his wife re-enacted John Lennon and Yoko Ono's famous bed in protest against the Vietnam War to promote a vegetarian lifestyle. Their slogan: "Give Peas A Chance." Applause, applause for lending their fame to a worthwhile cause.

As most of our readers know, The Spewker maintains a presence on Twitter through our virtual reality character, Moan Quivers. Moan reports breaking celebrity news from virtual Hollywood whenever we get around to updating her bot (which is sometimes weeks, but who's keeping tabs). Moan's different image incarnations can be viewed on our Flickr stream, but in the interests of time, voila.

The original Moan

Moan Quivers on virtual Vogue

Give Peas a Chance Moan

Moan Quivers reports live from virtual Hollywood

"Give Peas a Chance" Moan appeared briefly on Twitter back in February, 2008, then found a permanent home on Flickr in mid-May. I created the "peas" slogan because for some reason, pea avatars used to be wildly popular on Twitter. Lately, the trend has waned. Besides, the pea pod costume obscured Moani's naturally blond hair. The whole persona was just plain wrong.

Feldman's PETA poster slogan made my jaw drop. Far be it from me to suggest someone may have ripped off Moan Quiver's "Give Peas a Chance" avatar in an effort to promote vegetarianism. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Lord knows, The Spewker has likely been flattered that way before. Eh - hem.

One time, if these obvious similarities aren't great minds thinking alike, just once I wish The Spewker would get credit where credit is due. One lousy link, comment, or acknowledgment. Is that asking too much?

Spewker Comments Like Closet Ditto Head

Hot darn, really love it when people leave comments on this blog! It's like, I know they're out there reading The Spewker (vee haf ways of tracking dees tings), but for some reason, they're hesitant to tell the world at large.

A perfect example is when we gave out free T-shirts for leaving comments at the end of our smack down against Omarosa Manigsworth Stallwell, whoever the freak that non-celebrity is. I'm not even going to bother looking up the correct spelling or pronunciation of that 15-minute hog's last name. She should shimmy back to wherever she came from because there isn't an iota of talent in her body or a shred of anything entertaining in her persona.

The point is, plenty of people tuned in to that Celebrity Apprentice article, a link from a Moan Quivers Twitter live blog, but none were willing to comment in the fifteen or twenty minute window of time to win a free T-shirt. A very nice T-shirt too, I might add, with a great logo on thick 50-50 comfy white. No, I take that back. Five people finally did comment, but only three left an email address. Of that three, only one responded with an address to send the T-shirt.

For the record, "purplefrogcat" was the only comment published (who didn't win because five other people had commented by then) just in case contestants linked their names to actual email addresses. Didn't want them risking getting spammed for a lousy T-shirt and always keep my promises.

From that experience, I concluded people are somewhat strange when it comes to having a dialogue with this blog. Tiptoe in, tiptoe out. Like if readers leave no trace of themselves, no one will know they've been lurking about.

That kind of behavior reminds me of the time I spoke to Rush Limbaugh on his Open Line Friday program,. Say what you will about the man - plenty of my friends do - but his is a voice to be reckoned with in our times. You can't have an informed opinion unless you're hearing news from all different sources. Sorry, but that's the sad state of journalism today. Rush tells it the way he sees it, making his opinion and the opinions of his listeners valuable commodities. I hardly ever agree with him, especially these days regarding oil, the election, etc., but that's neither here nor there.

It was my birthday, about two years ago, on a Friday afternoon. Don't ask why I was cooking in the kitchen listening to Rush Limbaugh on my birthday. Something told me to call in when a certain caller hung up, so when the phone actually rang, my heart started to pound and my head began to race. I wanted to discuss an issue that had come up in an earlier program, but his screener (Snerdly?) said plenty of other people had already called about that topic and didn't sound very enthusiastic about putting me through.

Quickly, I had to think of something else or risk being dropped me for the next call. This goes against the premise of Open Line Friday's format, but I wasn't about to argue with the guy or take no for an answer.

For lack of a better subject -- and being unable to think fast on my feet -- I asked for a better understanding of Rush's position on abortion. After all, Republicans are always spewing about less government, less government interference, less control over what we do as individuals. Isn't the Conservative stance on abortion antithetical to that line of thinking?

Bingo! He put me through. What happened during the course of that phone call is fodder for a different discussion. I'm getting way off track here and want to get back to the topic at hand, comments on this blog, but there is an analogy if you give me time to develop it.

I was a little star struck speaking to Rush, I'll admit that. Here was someone whose opinion I had listened to, whose take on the news entertained and amused me, whose Paul Shanklin parodies sometimes had me LMAO day in and day out for years, finally having a one on one conversation with me. Not being a Conservative myself, I didn't want to antagonize him, but I didn't want to compromise my own political integrity either.

One of the first things I said was that I was a registered Democrat who listened to his program all the time, but that I wasn't a ditto head. I was trying to convey being a fan - a big one - but being at odds with his ideology. Not exactly an endearing opening which in retrospect I would not repeat given a do over. I'll never forget his response, nor the way he said it, like a retort, lording and condescending ... understandable if you know anything about Limbaugh.

To paraphrase, "Well, Cheryl, if you listen to the program as much as you say you do, you already are a ditto head." Ooooo. Snap.

And so, dear readers, if you subscribe to this blog through our feed or just drop by from time to time, whether or not you leave comments is irrelevant. Your electronic footprints may not be showing to the blogosphere, but they're showing to me. I've been very pleased with our growth over the course of the past year.

You may not comment because you're not ready to wave that freak flag, the one labeling you as a fan of The Spewker, but that's okay. Just because you don't consider yourself a spewklet doesn't mean you're not one already.

Kind of like being a closet ditto head, whatever that means. I'd like to think it means I'm a fan of Rush Limbaugh, rather than its common understanding.

You, on the other hand, can craft a meaning for "spewklet" however you like.