Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Gary Busey Finally Meets His Waterloo

The episode opened with Lil Jon saying he might quit if Gary returned from the boardroom. No wonder Nene screamed for joy when Gary walked into the waiting room. The men would have to deal with Gary at least one more time. All of them wanted him gone.

Gary said he didn’t know why there was an alliance against him. He could only surmise his teammates were afraid of him. John said that wasn’t it at all. Right to his face, John called Gary either a saboteur or crazy and since Gary is a smart guy, he thought it was the former. With a lopsided smile, Gary clinked his glass against John’s glass and wished him the best of luck.

The teams were tasked with writing, producing and starring in a live cooking demonstration featuring a variety of products from Omaha Steaks. In addition, they had to create and name an original Omaha Steaks variety pack which had to be featured in their presentation. Teams would be judged on branding, their original variety pack, and their overall presentation.

The women picked Hope as their PM even though she admitted she didn’t know how to cook and wasn’t a red meat eater. So why did she lie to The Donald, claiming she was a steak eater? I don’t know if this will come back to haunt her in later episodes, but I think she should have come clean. Who cares if she eats meat or cheese? Do you think it makes a big enough difference to lie?

The men chose Gary as PM. The Donald said Gary was either potentially a genius or a moron and he hadn’t figured out which one. In a judicious exercise of restraint, Lil Jon said he had it figured out, but wouldn’t say.

Gary appointed Meat as chef even though Meat said he couldn’t cook. Neither Lil Jon nor John volunteered their cooking skills for the team. In the meeting with company executives, Gary asked questions that didn’t have apparent relevance to the task. He also went off on a tangent, creating a Father’s Day theme featuring a son and dad flying a kite with little connection to steaks. The whole team quickly became frustrated. Meat and Gary had a total disconnect. When Ivanka arrived on the scene, all three of Gary’s teammates complained about him. Gary said his teammates didn’t respect him.

"I feel like I walked into a group therapy session," moaned Ivanka.

The women fared much better, although Star immediately commandeered the task by assigning jobs. She also led the meeting with company executives. No one, except Marlee, seemed able to get a word in edgewise. This did not sit well with Nene. Hope asked LaToya to be the chef because it was the easiest job of the task. LaToya became visibly upset when Hope changed her steak demonstration to burgers. Nene preemptively ridiculed LaToya, imagining how LaToya would later complain about this to The Donald. In reality, it was Nene doing the complaining. LaToya started a fire while prepping the food for the presentation. This further upset Nene.

Close to presentation time, Gary realized their menu was wrong. John, who was responsible for coordinating the menu, nearly bit Gary’s head off. He complained about Gary calling him "boy" — which Gary denied — then refused an apology, even though Gary seemed sincere. Meat was upset that they didn’t rehearse the demonstration.

During their presentation, Gary tried to work his magic, but fell short. He decided to pick winners from the audience to eat their prepared meals, but company executives thought this was awkward. They also couldn’t understand why John and Lil Jon contributed almost nothing to the demonstration. And they hated Gary’s Father’s Day theme, especially the part about the kite. The only thing they did seem to like was Meat's performance as chef. Funny, since Meat complained that he couldn't cook.

The women’s presentation was very good, with some exceptions. The audience couldn’t understand everything LaToya said because she spoke too softly. Neither Nene nor Marlee said "Omaha Steaks" in their presentation and the women ended their presentation by shouting "Omaha!" This did not sit well with company executives. "I wish they would say ‘Omaha Steaks’," whispered one to the other. They also didn’t like that the food was pre-prepared.

In the boardroom, all of the men complained about Gary. John called Gary’s management style "a catastrophic collapse of time management." Meat chimed in that he was upset about not rehearsing.

"The menu was printed wrong and was the wrong menu," Meat further complained, blaming Gary for the mistakes. The Donald made Gary recite his Father’s Day theme then called it "overly complicated." The team saw that as an opening to gang up on Gary. Lil Jon said Gary was in outer space.

"Gary is not always on earth here with us. We were so frustrated. I didn’t have anything to do."

Hope praised the women and would not rat out Star for commandeering the team. Star said she would be proud to have Hope as her daughter and thought she did very well. Marlee also praised Hope. LaToya said she thought the team really jelled and thought of Star and Hope as her friends. Nene, however, couldn't hold back when asked about Hope. For that, The Donald labeled her negative. He then told the women they had won.

Star tried to comfort Nene in the waiting room, saying she had her back and didn’t think she was being unfairly negative. I thought this was incredibly kind, given the way Nene had spoken about Star earlier. Nene complained that Star was always preparing the graphic materials, thinking this would keep her safe. In fact, Star is very talented with graphics. Why shouldn’t the team utilize her for her strengths?

Back in the boardroom, Meat was so down on Gary he lost his ability to communicate. John and Gary got into another argument over the "boy" incident, John saying it was disrespectful and Gary saying he called John "ka-boy," a reference to the Dallas cowboys.

"That means you’re calling me a liar," John nearly spat back at Gary.

"I called you ka-boy," Gary insisted. The Donald saw the dispute as a non-starter.

Gary sealed his own fate when he wouldn’t bring any of his teammates back to the boardroom. The Donald couldn’t get over Meat’s frustration.

"Then, Meat Loaf, I’m going to make you very happy," The Donald said with barely a pause. "Gary, you’re very talented. You’re very unique. You’re an amazing guy. And Gary, you’re fired." Da-dum. Everyone on the team thanked The Donald. Gary cleared out as his teammates chose to stay in the boardroom.

Driving away in the town car, Gary said he was at peace with The Donald’s decision and blamed his teammates for getting him fired. Then he turned philosophical.

"I could turn a thunderstorm and a tornado into a rainbow, and I’m flying over the rainbow tonight," said Gary. "Who knows, it could be true."

Indeed. I expect to see Gary flying an ethereal kite somewhere off in space this very moment. He always brought a lot of humor to the show. Call him genius, a moron, or anything in between, the truth is, there probably never will be another Celebrity Apprentice contestant quite as entertaining as Gary. I, for one, will miss him terribly.


Read My Other Season 4 Reviews:

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Meat Loaf Meltdown

Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

David Letterman Calls Donald Trump a Jackass

In last night’s monologue, David Letterman criticized Donald Trump for demanding Barack Obama’s birth certificate. He then said The Donald’s parentage derived from "jack" and "ass."

I didn’t write down the joke verbatim, but it was something to that effect. Hee-haw.


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Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

With each team now down to five players, the time had come to separate the wheat from the chafe. The men have been whittled down to their strongest members: Mark, Gary, John, Meat, and Lil Jon. The women, on the other hand, could stand to lose some weak links.

LaToya, aware of her precarious spot on the team, decided to step up as PM. Mark volunteered to be PM for the men. That leaves Hope as the only player not to act as PM. A sure sign of weakness, unwillingness to lead, or sheer incompetence? She’ll have to become PM soon if she wants a spot in the final.

From the outset, the men were gunning for Gary’s dismissal. "We’ve all said that we may walk off if he doesn’t get fired," Meat privately confided to the camera. Mark said they couldn’t carry Gary any more. Gary seemed oblivious to the growing animosity.

The teams were tasked with creating a 10 by 10 ft. glass box to showcase Australian Gold sunscreen and body lotion. They would be judged on creativity, product integration, and branding. The winner would receive $20K from Trump and another $20K from Australian Gold. Nowhere close to the amount of money raised last week, but still a nice chunk of change for charity.

LaToya assigned jobs to everyone but herself. Immediately, Nene and Star complained about LaToya's lack of organization. Truthfully, no one knew what they were supposed to do. Nene offered an idea for the concept which LaToya nixed. In their meeting with company executives, the owners stressed family fun and the company logo, a surfing koala bear named Sidney. LaToya then cobbled together a "fun in the sun" theme with little detail. Assigned to props and costumes, Marlee complained she didn’t know what to buy. Playmate of the Year Hope volunteered to paint her body gold and strut around in a bikini. Inexplicably, LaToya said no.

Meanwhile, the men quickly latched on to Mark’s suggestion of a pirate theme that would showcase the product as buried treasure. John wasn’t sure a pirate motif fit the brand and Gary didn’t like the concept. In their meeting with company executives, the executives spoke again about family fun, emphasizing "treasure those moments with family." That convinced Meat the pirate theme was a winner. One owner began talking about teenage boys using the product. Gary interjected, "Gives you a sexual feeling" and the room seemed to go dead. The men were mortified by executives’ reactions. Again, Gary seemed clueless.

Mark, Meat, and John worked hard on fabricating their box and producing promotional literature. Mark sent Lil Jon and Gary to buy props and costumes. Privately, Jon said he was assigned to babysit Gary. The two of them picked out great costumes, but passed on the koala bear because Jon didn’t think it resembled Sidney. Gary became bored as they waited for the costume store to load their truck. He sang a made-up pirate song, danced the robot, and smoked a cigar.

"I’m cray-zee, but smartly cray-zee," Gary rapped out loud. Jon, looking like he might keel over, called Gary his kryptonite.

The women fared well with props and costumes. Marlee made sure they rented the koala bear costume. "A no-brainer," she said, referencing the meeting with company executives. Nene volunteered to wear the costume for the task. A budding friendship between Marlee and Nene blossomed. I wonder if it had anything to do with their rhyming names.

As expected, LaToya’s style of management didn’t sit well with her team. She didn’t tell the women they had to help construct the glass box. By that time, the women were tired and had no idea what LaToya wanted. Even Ivanka thought the beach theme was unoriginal. That sparked LaToya, at the eleventh hour, to add a snow theme to the presentation. Hope thought the idea was half-baked. Nene, already frustrated by being ordered to construct a beach from 6,000 pounds of sand, thought LaToya was acting kooky. LaToya didn’t fare much better with Star. Star wanted her to be practical about the budget. LaToya wanted to spend money the team didn’t have.

"I’m the project manager," proclaimed LaToya. "What I say goes." All right then. Figure out a way to get the money from thin air and you can spend as much as you like.

Miraculously, LaToya made everything come together for the presentation. While safe and unoriginal, the women’s glass box looked nice and drew a sizeable crowd. However, when Don, Jr. came to check on the women, Nene made sure to tell him LaToya did a lousy job. She said the implementation of the task was very chaotic and that nobody knew what they were supposed to do. Privately, Nene confided to the camera, "If we win, that means the guys sucked." LaToya told Don, Jr. she felt ostracized by her own team.

The men collectively worried about Gary. "There’s a huge concern about what Gary’s going to do," Mark privately confided. "Gary’s a wild card. You never know what Gary’s gonna do. Gary can be a real liability in a public relations campaign."

As it turns out, the men were right to worry. Their presentation was fabulous, with gold "wenches" in tiny bikinis, a motley crew of pirate actors, and an addicting pirate chant (penned by John). But when company executives arrived, Gary corralled them for the pitch, keeping them away from the rest of the team. He even went so far as to push Mark away. Gary also offered to act as company spokesperson "for a reduced fee, of course."

Gary’s nonsense was offending, but it was not the reason company executives chose the women over the men. The women’s presentation had its faults – not putting Hope in a bikini and covering up Nene with a koala costume – but they also had a concept embodying the brand and a real life company mascot. In contrast, the men only put Sidney on banners. The men also created a concept that did not resonate with company executives. They didn't think the pirate theme represented their brand.

Going into the boardroom, Mark said if his team lost, it would probably be him going home. "I would have to take full responsibility," Mark said, "because it was my concept." The Donald did not look pleased.

The Donald also looked surprised when Nene complained about LaToya’s management style and countered that LaToya was quite impressive. Marlee tried to be diplomatic in commenting on LaToya’s style. Although Nene remained firm about the chaos swirling around LaToya, The Donald was not convinced. LaToya complained that Nene didn’t like her. "It’s nothing personal, just business," Nene professed, another nod to the show. If they keep plugging the show's theme, do the celebrities earn more money for charity?

After The Donald announced the women had won, he told Nene to apologize to LaToya. Instead, while nestled in the waiting room, Nene ripped LaToya to shreds.

"You tried to make it look like I didn’t like you," she screamed at LaToya. "If you want to say anything about me, you say I’m real. If you didn’t like it, go in the bathroom and hide."

"Nene is all mouth and height," LaToya countered. "And she uses that to her advantage. Nene is a big bully."

Nene continued criticizing LaToya, saying she did all the work while LaToya stood there "like Casper the Ghost." Then it got ugly personal. "You fooled a lot of people with this but you have not fooled me," Nene yelled as LaToya cowered in the corner. "The only reason you made it this far is because of your last name. You faked it for 50 years. You’re very old. And you need to play your age and not 12. You’re an old lady."

Well that’s certainly laying it on the line.

In the boardroom, Meat tried to save Mark’s hide by ratting on Gary. He told The Donald about Gary’s "sexual" comment in the planning stages and about corralling company executives at the presentation. John and Lil Jon also ganged up on Gary.

"I now have a doubt in my mind that I didn’t have before this task that his dysfunctional ways were part of his makeup," John told The Donald. "Gary said last week that he likes to keep people off-balance. He is very focused in this boardroom, but outside the boardroom, he’s all over the place." That prompted Mark to take Gary back to the boardroom rather than fall on the sword for the team.

Out in the lobby, Gary wanted to know why the team was against him. Mark told Gary to "take a swim in Lake You and see what you find." Gary admitted to being 66-years old and having two out of body experiences. "I’m a lot further along than you," he reminded Mark. I have no idea what this exchange accomplished.

In their boardroom showdown, Gary denied making inappropriate remarks to company executives. He denied keeping them to himself at the presentation. And he also denied pitching himself as their next spokesperson. I don’t know if Gary seriously believed what he told The Donald or if his lies are part of a strategy to make it to the final.

In the end, however, it came down to Mark admitting full responsibility for the concept and the concept accounting for their loss. Mark could have shifted blame to Meat for reinforcing his idea, but instead left Meat totally out of the picture. The Donald said he did not like firing exceptional people, but Mark had to go. He also reprimanded Gary on his way out, saying he had a long way to go.

"You better shape up," he admonished Gary. "There are too many complaints and they cannot all be wrong. Watch your face and your hands, and watch your mouth."

Easier said than done. It is now clear that Gary has a strategy for staying in the game: keep his teammates in turmoil while denying all to The Donald. It‘s unlikely Gary can continue playing the buffoon without getting sacked. Promos for next week show him back in the PM saddle. I firmly anticipate a mutiny on the Bounty.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Dionne Warwick Makes Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Meat Loaf Meltdown

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Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Meat Loaf Meltdown Targets Gary Busey

Article first published as Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Meat Loaf Meltdown Targets Gary Busey on Blogcritics.

This episode of "Celebrity Apprentice" saw the most money ever raised in a single task, or for that matter, an entire season, including past seasons of "The Apprentice." A testament to the current cast’s star wattage, the episode will also be remembered for its "Meat Loaf Meltdown," a bizarre tirade directed at Gary and periodically hawked in the promos.

The crazy castigation was well worth the wait. Without skipping too far ahead, I think every other word out of Meat’s mouth was either the f-word or the s-word, although with all the incessant bleeping, it was hard to tell. It played more like an episode of "Late Night with Craig Ferguson" than a Trump production. All the while, I couldn’t help thinking what on earth is wrong with Busey? How can he absorb such abuse without reacting, nay, while simultaneously trying to pacify an imploding cruise missile ready to tear his fool head off?

As it turns out, Gary was smart to choose the high road, but more about that in a moment.

In the opening sequence, Team A.S.A.P. appeared to be falling apart. Sensitive Nene, still reeling from Dionne’s parting shot ("You’re a coward," Dionne nearly spat as she headed to the elevator), argued with Star while Richard stood eavesdropping nearby. John called the women "palpably sad." Three-weeks-in-a-row losses must be bad for morale, he surmised.

Before we could linger on the women, Trump ordered everyone back to the boardroom. The teams would create original works of art and seven New Era baseball caps to sell in their own art galleries. Whoever raised the most money would win. Contestants were encouraged to solicit from friends and family. Marlee, with connections to philanthropists, volunteered as PM for the women. John, the ostensible King of Nashville with country music connections out the wazoo, volunteered as PM for the men.

When the teams went shopping for art supplies, Meat confessed a dislike for Gary relating to his "attitude of entitlement." Huh? I must have missed something in the editing. Gary thought he could count on Meat to help buy art supplies, but that’s it. Otherwise, he pretty much kept to his own little world spouting off stupid acronyms:

ART: arrive at truth. FUN: finally understanding nothing. FORGIVE: Finding ourselves really giving individuals valuable energy. Who, except Gary, could engage in such nonsense and think himself pithy?

Back in the studio, Meat misplaced his bag of supplies. That’s when all hell broke loose. He accused Gary of stealing his paint, lashing out in a tone akin to Shrek’s roar. Gary insisted the paint on his desk belonged to him, but sponges in his space triggered a cuckoo reaction in Meat.

"I am the last person you ever want to @#!@ with," Meat screamed at the top of his lungs, eyes squinting into tiny slits. He also threatened to put Gary in the hospital. I love how Meat’s shirt label hung off his neck the whole time, like some kind of wild homeless guy. I wonder if he reacts as badly when his socks come out one short from the dryer. Uh, anger management classes, anyone? Been there, done that, according to Meat. Yikes.

Making the tirade even more bizarre, John found Meat’s supplies in a corner. I’ll bet that’s when 'ol Meat wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. He later admitted he was mortified by his crazy outburst and apologized profusely to Gary. By then, things had calmed down and Gary readily accepted with no hard feelings. Gary thought the nasty incident made their friendship stronger. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade. Gary feeds off of double rainbows.

The pressure was on to get money from friends and family. Jose and Richard privately admitted they had no one to solicit. Around that same time, Jose received bad news about his father’s health and decided to leave the competition. The Donald pledged $25K to Jose’s charity, The Baseball Assistance Team, and wished him well. Not one to shy away from negativity, Richard said Jose may have dropped out because he had no one to solicit. Sadly, Jose’s father reportedly passed away this past March.

In contrast, the women rallied around Marlee, who hit the ground running by soliciting big contributions. Marlee clarified at the outset she expected everyone to bring in large donations. LaToya made up some lame excuse about her family living too far away to contribute in time. Puh-leeze. With modern technology, the money could have been wired any number of ways. However, LaToya made up for her lack of soliciting by donating a one-of-a-kind designer shirt signed by brother Michael. The shirt later sold for $99K, and would have brought in more had the women’s credit card machine accepted amounts over $100K.

The women didn’t leave their studio on time and got stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Meanwhile, the men quickly set up their gallery with time to spare. They went to spy on the women less than an hour before opening and found their gallery empty. That’s when Lil Jon and Mark decided to shoot a video. Scrambling to get their artwork up, the women did a pretty nice job of making their space presentable. Upon opening, they received a slow trickle of patrons, but eventually, the flow of potential customers increased.

The Donald sent a judge to pick the best baseball cap design. LaToya won, receiving $25k for her charity, AIDs Project Los Angeles. John called in all kinds of favors from country music friends, receiving $470K for a bedazzled autographed guitar. For her part, Marlee made three sales of $99K each.

In the boardroom, The Donald was so impressed with the total haul, he allowed both teams to decide whether the losing team could keep their money. Surprisingly, Marlee and John both agreed. The men raised $626,908 for John’s charity, St. Jude’s Research Hospital, and the women raised $986K for Marlee’s charity, The Starkey Hearing Foundation. Marlee did not seem upset about her decision. The Donald also kicked in $14K of his own money, bringing Marlee’s total to a cool million.

Then, The Donald did something unprecedented. He let the women decided whether someone from the men’s team should be fired, as they had already lost Jose. The women went for the jugular, agreeing somebody had to go. "It’s just business," said Marlee, echoing the show's central theme.

The Donald let the women stay in the boardroom to voice opinions about who should be fired. When his teammates said Gary was the most unfocused, Marlee intervened on Gary’s behalf. Luckily for Gary, and probably because he did not react to Meat’s meltdown, The Donald decided to fire Richard. Richard raised the least money of anyone on his team and was definitely the weakest link in that area. One would think he would fight to stay, but dumbfounded Richard sat there patiently waiting for a turn to speak. It never came. The Donald talked throughout his decision-making process. If Richard wanted to defend himself, he should have piped up and interrupted.

Lesson learned: Sitting patiently and quietly in the boardroom when it’s your head on the chopping block is not a wise course of action.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Dionne Warwick Makes A Cowardly Exit From Boardroom

Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus

Donald Trump Oprah Makeover Possibilities Threaten Presidential Candidacy (Photos)

Does he or doesn't he... only his hairdresser knows for sure...

... want to run for President, that is.

In a pre-election year longing to crown a Republican front-runner, the 2012 campaign is off to a tepid start. Some 2008 also-rans have already stuck toes in the water waiting to see how many fish will take the bait. Judging from the lack of thrashing and hysterical chomping, I'd say it's time to buy better worms.

What better bait than accusing the incumbent President of lying about his birth certificate and of failing to credit Bill Ayers with writing "Dreams of My Father"? The new challenger enters from left field. Talk about starting a feeding frenzy, the media is lapping it up. It seems like every day he comes out swinging, using fighting words to ratchet up the ante.

China is kicking our patooties. Obama is a fraud. Our Constitution is being attacked from within. Blah, blah, blah, stop blaming Bush.

Who has the cajones to so blatantly bait the media?

None other than The Donald, as in Donald Trump, as in Stirring-Up-The-Pot-For-Free-Publicity-Is-Only-An-Outrageous-Sound-Bite-Away Trump. The wheeling-dealing, self-promoting, self-indulgent multi-bazillionaire is, supposedly, seriously considering a run for the presidency. He and his syncophants probably figure if Ronald Reagan could successfully make the transition from Hollywood to Washington so can The Donald. They may be forgetting that Reagan successfully governed the State of California before entering the national arena. Running a real estate empire and firing C-List celebrities on TV are certainly impressive, but not equivalent to running America. This is where the big kids play.

Is Trump ready for national service? Or would his tendency to create controversy taint the civility of the Oval Office?

At least one person thinks Trump could use a makeover, particularly when it comes to his "double combover." President Obama supporter and Queen of Talk Oprah Winfrey has offered to restyle The Donald's tresses on her farewell show. No word on whether his camp will accept, but with the entire free world watching Oprah wave a tearful goodbye, how could they refuse? It would be either the publicity coupe of the century or a political boondoggle. No matter. As the saying goes, there's no such thing as bad publicity.

In Trump's case, however, his hair could be the exception. Just imagine the possibilities:

Justin Hartley Trump

Nicolas Cage Trump

Michael Bolton Trump

David Beckham Cornrows Trump

David Beckham Fauxhawk Trump

Jude Law Trump

Anderson Cooper Trump

GI Joe Trump

Bad Catskills Combover and Dye Job Trump

Ridiculously High Forehead Trump

Look, I know these artistic renderings are horrible. That's because they weren't shopped. You try matching Trump's complexion to a man with attractive hair. It's darn near impossible.

I sure hope Oprah has an easier time transforming Trump into presidential material.


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Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Article first published as TV Open Thread: Celebrity Apprentice Recap - Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom on Blogcritics.

This week, the women’s team began the task with fairly low morale. Having lost two weeks in a row, the team was down to only seven members. A well-stocked team could let lightweights LaToya, Dionne, and Hope slide, but clearly the women had their work cut out for them before they stepped out of the gate.

The teams were tasked with creating a 30-second commercial showcasing the ACN videophone. ACN executives stressed the importance of creating an emotional connection rather than focusing on function. The women, led by Nene, immediately centered on family, creating a spot where a young girl in France communicated with loving parents in America. Academy Award Winner Marlee took the role of the mother, while Grammy Winner Dionne stepped up as French host mother. The women made an excellent video.

However, ACN sales reps would select the best video, not company executives. The men saw this as an opportunity to "think outside the box" and roll the dice. They created an edgy concept called "Tommy Gets Engaged," a gag that "went for the gay angle" by casting a make-up-laden Jose in the role of Tommy’s fiancé.

"It’s either gonna go over real big when we deliver the punch line or it’s gonna go down badly," said PM Lil Jon. "Gay Jose" was their punch line, the fiancé presented at the end. On the other end of the videophone, Gary played a doddering grandfather clad only in black socks and bathrobe. During filming, he accidentally flashed "Big Wednesday" to the camera. Cut! Edit.

For the fourth week in a row, almost everyone on Team Backbone accused Gary of being difficult to manage. "Gary lives in his own world and has no consideration for other people’s space," complained Meat. Jon did his best to manage the distraction. "Just relax," Jon kept saying to Gary. "I am relaxed," Gary shot back. "Okay, then sit down," ordered Jon. Judging by the promotion for next week’s show, Gary better watch his back.

Same goes for LaToya. Supposedly due to LASIC surgery, LaToya suffered bouts of blurry vision. Nene assigned her the role of timekeeper then complained her 11-year old could handle such an easy job. LaToya was taken aback and defended her work for the team. LaToya is clearly a drag on the team, despite the praise heaped upon her last week.

Nene also complained about Dionne, saying she left the task too early. While the rest of Team A.S.A.P. patiently hung around in the editing room, Dionne hugged Nene goodbye. "Oh, you’re leaving?" Nene asked as she hugged her back. "Well, bye. Thank you," she said as Dionne exited.

"My body said, girlfriend, it’s time for you to lay down. And being that I am the matriarch of the group, I felt I deserved a little bit of a reprieve," Dionne crowed privately to the camera. Oh brother, did that ever come back to bite her in the patooty.

Yes, the men gambled on their concept, hoping executives wouldn’t be too offended, and won the task in a 53-47 vote. Everyone on Team Backbone praised Jon’s leadership abilities and cheered his $40K win for The United Methodist Children’s Home. The women also praised Nene as PM. It wasn’t that her team failed – the vote was very close – rather, the men’s big gamble paid off.

But even before a victor was announced the women were at each other’s throats. At one point, Nene cried.

"What is going on with the women’s team? It’s the third week in a row you’ve lost. There has to be a reason for it. Who is your weakest player? Who could your team do without?" demanded The Donald.

It took a while for the claws to come out, but eventually, Nene and Hope pointed the finger at Dionne, while Star and Marlee fingered LaToya. After their very public feuding, I’m surprised Nene didn’t dump on Star. Then Dionne did something stupid. Just like Niki the week before, she essentially accepted the blame for her team’s loss and agreed that she should be fired.

"I seem to be the one who has no problem saying what I have to say and that may be a bit intimidating," speculated Dionne. "It seems that everyone wants to get rid of Dionne," she continued, referring to herself in third person. "If that’s the way you feel, it’s cool." The men, watching from the waiting room, were stunned.

It took prodding from Star and The Donald to get Dionne to change her tune. Star blamed the team’s repeated losses on women who won’t stay and fight for their charities. The Donald agreed that Dionne was basically quitting.

"I can go forward," protested Dionne, "I don’t want to go, but everyone wants me gone."

"Not true," countered Ivanka. "There are people on the team who want LaToya fired."

But The Donald would not let Dionne off the hook. "It’s too late. You did the wrong thing," he admonished, "Dionne, you’re fired." Once all the women were out of the boardroom, he turned to Don, Jr. and Ivanka, saying, "She looked me in the eye and challenged me to fire her. No one gets away with that."

Lesson learned. Do not accept blame unless you’re prepared to be fired. Dionne acted like a whimpering fool, trying to go out as a class act, then changing her mind midway, trying to claw her way back in. It doesn’t work that way in Trump Nation. No one who agrees to be fired walks out of the boardroom unscathed.

Dionne had the nerve to call Nene a coward, but the one with the big yellow stripe running down her back was Dionne as she walked to the elevator.


Read My Other Season 4 Reviews:

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under the Bus

Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus in Celebrity Apprentice Season 4

This article was first published as TV Open Thread: Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus in Celebrity Apprentice Season 4 on Blogcritics.

The Celebrity Apprentice is back with a cast more akin to It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World than Barnum and Bailey's three-ring circus. Actually, Season 4 of the star-studded reality romp plays more like a hybrid of the two with a pinch of Rocky Horror Picture Show thrown in for good measure.

Following in the career-enhancing footsteps of such reality fare as Dancing With the Stars and American Idol, this season boasts more than its share of name celebrities. There's Oscar Winner Marlee Matlin (complete with her own sign language interpreter), Oscar nominee Gary Busey, Grammy winners Dionne Warwick and Meat Loaf, former teen idol David Cassidy, and supermodel Niki Taylor. Add Playboy centerfold Hope Dworaczyk, country crooner John Rich, rapper Lil Jon, author and baseball slugger Jose Canseco, Michael Jackson's sister LaToya Jackson, former host of The View and current attorney Star Jones, reality housewife Nene Leakes, Harry Hamlin spouse Lisa Rinna, Survivor heavyweight and tax evader Richard Hatch, and Sugar Ray vocalist Mark McGrath to the mix for a season chock full of star power. The higher star wattage may have something to do with celebrities such as Bret Michaels, Piers Morgan, Joan and Melissa Rivers, Curtis Stone, Holly Robinson Peete, and Sharon Osborne enjoying upticks in their careers, all of whom appeared in seasons past. I'm just happy to see so many familiar faces on a show I have followed since its debut.

Sunday night's installment opened with a recap of the week before. The men and women were divided into two teams, Team Backbone and Team A.S.A.P., respectively. After the men lost the selling pizzas task, David Cassidy got the boot for rubbing Project Manager (PM) Richard Hatch the wrong way. He also wimped-out in the boardroom. Jose made no bones about wanting to punch Richard in the face, but refrained from making a scene in front of The Donald. Meanwhile, having raised over $169,000 -- the most money ever raised on a first challenge -- A.S.A.P. PM Star had the honor of transfering the gargantuan sum to her favorite charity, The American Heart Association.

The two teams briefly trash talked in the waiting room, then regrouped for their next task. Each received orders to create and write a children's book to be performed for four and five-year-olds. Judging the task would be children's book publisher Margery Cuyler and children's book author and former contestant Holly Robinson Peete.

Meat happily agreedy to act as PM for the men while pouty Lisa reluctantly accepted the reins for the women. Later in the show, she admitted she wasn't comfortable in the role, saying almost anyone on her team would have done a better job. "Does that signify weakness," questioned Don Jr. in the boardroom. "No," replied Lisa, "I just wanted to wait longer." Poor stupid Lisa didn't realize there are no brownie points for honesty. At least she had the sense to recognize a sorry lack of team support. Nene basically confirmed as much, privately confessing they chose Lisa because they knew she couldn't handle it and wanted her out of the competition early.

Fits and starts in the creative process hampered each team. Jose tossled with John over semantics in their story rhyme, arguing certain words didn't apply. Cursing ensued after Meat sent Gary and Jose to the wrong theater location, not once but twice. At one point, Jose looked as if his head might spontaneously burst into flames, but thankfully that didn't happen. When the men went to pick out costumes, Gary flew off on some ridiculous tangent, taking a shine to some prisoner costume rather than appropriate little boy clothes for his character. John had difficulty focusing Gary and the men started to run out of time.

But that was peanuts compared to the women. As Lisa desparately tried to formulate a concept, LaToya privately called her "discombobulated." Marlee wrote on a piece of paper: "Tell me what to do." Clearly, Lisa's team was not on her side. Dionne quickly hijacked the creative process, nixing Marlee's idea for a deaf lion and claiming deafness might sadden the children. Privately, Marlee called Dionne ignorant and publicly took offense. A frustrated Lisa declared the lion would not be deaf, leaving Marlee very unhappy. Marlee also thought their concept, a happy lion who needs to learn how to roar, had been done before, in fact, way overdone. For the record, Niki criticized the story lesson of "just be yourself" as too complicated for four and five-year olds. As expected, nobody cared.

Lisa delegated the task of creating the book to Star and Nene, a mistake if there ever was. Star refused to give final approval for the cover and ordered Lisa to leave rehearsal to complete it. Adding insult to inury, Star wanted cover credit for writing the story. Dionne piped in that she also wanted credit for creating the concept, to which Star readily agreed. Unfortunately, Lisa would have none of it. Story credit would go to Team A.S.A.P. or no one at all. "I'm the captain," Lisa privately complained, "we're on the Titanic and we're going down." Within the group, the fighting raged. LaToya almost cried while Hope showed support for Lisa. Sadly, it was not enough.

Everyone needs "to behave," chastised Lisa as Dionne took offense. She laid into Lisa who in turn dug in her heels. "Bring it on," taunted Lisa privately, "but I will not be brought down by a bunch of bitches. No way." Back in the group, Dionne sighed, "What's next" as jaws visibly dropped at the spectacle. "We're done," pouted Lisa. And they were.

"It was as if Lisa wanted plausible deniability," fumed Star. "When you try to take down the queen, make sure you kill her." Star the self-appointed queen? I'd like to see her and Dionne duke it out.

Overall, both performances went well, although both had noticeable defects. "I know my ABC's and my one-two-threes" the men rapped as children and parents happily clapped along. For their part, the women mesmerized the audience with sign language and cute animal costumes. Privately, Nene bragged she was the best animal in show even though her part lasted all of two seconds.

The judges liked the men's rhyming, but didn't like Jose and Meat's performances. They thought the women's theme was a little too complicated for four and five-year-olds and the font in their book too small to read. "I shouldn't have to squint," Holly complained to The Donald. She and Margery unanimously chose the men's team to win. "You're gonna make me cry," sniffed Meat as the winner was announced in the boardroom. The Donald promised to publish the men's book, saying money from sales would also go to Meat's charity, Painted Turtle, a camp for sick children.

Left alone in the boardroom, the women ganged up on Lisa, save Marlee who soundly denounced Dionne and Hope who sat mute. "She intimidates me as a person and people tell me she's a legend..." Marlee began, referring to Dionne. "Don't you know she's a legend" interrupted The Donald? "Well, I'm deaf," Marlee replied. Touche.

Marlee added that she was demeaned by Dionne. The Donald seemed unfazed. As expected, Lisa chose Star and Dionne to come back to the boardroom to see who would get the ax. Watching the ordeal from the waiting room, Lil Jon couldn't get his fill. "Catfight!" he cried out when The Donald snapped, "Turn off your TV." Let the clawing begin.

But it was not meant to be. Lisa basically crumbled under a constant barrage of criticism from Star. She said Lisa led from a position of fear rather than one of knowledge. "I did the best I could under the circumstances," countered Lisa. "I crumbled under the pressure of the whole team wanting me to take over as PM and you threw me under the f------ bus."

The Donald was flacidly unimpressed. "Lisa, you're the PM, but I'm just not seeing a lot of fight in you," he said. Lisa countered that she didn't want to fight the intense negative energy of her team. Dionne, showing her claws, said she would fight much harder as the PM. "Don't you see what they're doing," asked The Donald? "Star is playing you a little bit as a child. Same thing Dionne. Can't you see that?" Star quickly chimed in, "She's not fighting completely crazy because at her core she knows she failed as PM."

Fighting completely crazy? Man, I'd pay good money to see that.

In the end, as always, The Donald had the final say: "We're all giving you points, Lisa but you're really having a hard time with it. Look Lisa, you were the PM, your team lost, everyone thought you should go, and I have to say Lisa, you're fired." Boom. Skinny Lisa dejectedly walked out in her leopard-print dress, hands behind her back in defeat.

Fired for not having any fight, the usual black town car whisked Lisa away. She said it was an honor to work for Trump, then added, "I put myself out there and they threw me under the bus. Do I think he made the right decision? No. Are you f----- kidding me?"

Sorry, but with thousands of charitable dollars up for grabs, possible endorsement deals and a comeback in the balance, I'd say this is no laughing matter. And adding the f-word to otherwise meaningless rants does not a leader make.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Niki Taylor Thrown Under Bus
Meatloaf Meltdown
Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

The Celebrity Apprentice Rumored to Hire Heather Mills

Looking like he just swallowed a rotten egg, Donald Trump squelched rumors about O.J. Simpson and The Celebrity Apprentice. He then let a giant cat out of the bag. Sir Paul McCartney's evil ex, Heather Mills, is in talks to join the show.



WTG, Donald! When it comes to villains, Heather is about as evil as it gets.

Piers Morgan is the Celebrity Apprentice

It's very gratifying to offer live blogging and have so many different locations appear in real time on our Live Feed. Heartfelt thanks to everyone who took a break from their busy Thursday night schedules to join Moan Quivers, virtual Hollywood correspondent, as she reported live from the red carpet.

Donald Trump and his progeny deserve a pat on the back for setting up and pulling off a live two hour show. This type of television is always risky. To their credit, the finale was an enjoyable romp showcasing major celebrities like the Duchess of York and Simon Cowell.

But the promos fell overboard, especially in light of the final delivery.

"Good v. Evil."

"U.S. v. U.K."

"Piers v. Omarosa."

"Trace v. The Backstreet Boys, a/k/a The BSB."

"Wheat grass juice and black fingernail polish v. Marlboro Man sensibilities."

To be fair, in some respects, the live finale lived up to the hype which is good because I don't think I could stomach another "pass the baton" sort of show, you know, that feeble attempt to rebrand with Martha Stewart going nowhere fast. The finale's taped segments about the two charities were terrific. And that's the meat of this celebrity version of the show, really, helping worthwhile causes. Trump's last minute money raising ideas, the texting and online auction, were delicious icing on the cake. Hopefully, the finale's success will translate into larger ratings for a second celebrity season.

But give me a break, everyone knows the show is loosely scripted, at least in part. The celebrities are superfluous fluff to attract an audience. With all the promos and build-up to the finale, couldn't they have peppered Ms. Manigault-Stallworth with better lines as a parting shot to Piers? Her drivel about not liking the unpopular winner because he didn't floss was a true waste of wind. Even Trump noticeably winced and chastised her for ending the show with something downright stupid.

Look, in the interests of fair disclousre, I'm not a fan of Omarosa. Not many people are. She's had her fifteen minutes as far as I'm concerned and hasn't done much with them since. If you're producing a show called The Celebrity Apprentice, then you have to expect your audience wants to see a battle between real celebrities. Obviously, the Trump organization has a soft spot in its heart for the woman it earnestly tried to launch into fame, but enough is enough. Let's hope the franchise doesn't repeat this mistake in season two.

If it's villains they're looking for, why not throw a bone to contentious down-and-out bona fide celebrities like Rosie O'Donnell? Talk about a show with the potential for big ratings. Now there's something worth tuning in for.

Live Blogging Live Two Hour Finale of The Celebrity Apprentice

Come one. Come all. For the conclusion of tonight's live Celebrity Apprentice two-hour episode, our virtual Hollywood correspondent, Moan Quivers, will be live blogging the show right here on this site. No tweets.

Join us at 8:55 p.m. EST this evening (approximately five and a half hours from now) as Moan gives a blow-by-blow report with commentary of the riveting face-off between bloated Brit Piers Morgan, and Marlboro Man crooner Trace Adkins. Promos have also promised a cameo appearance of Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (a/k/a Stinkaroma) in the final boardroom.

It's U.S. v. U.K. Refresh this article as Moan provides the inside scoop.





8:56 p.m. Settling in with the big screen TV, a glass of diet root beer with ice, and the laptop. Moan Quivers here. Snarky commentary with a smidgen of reporting thrown in for good measure. It's the live two-hour season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice. Everyone here predicts Piers Morgan, the pompous British patootey, will emerge victorious.

The only thing is, we can't quite figure out what that means. Prestige? Money for charity? A trophy from The Donald? We're all about to find out.

9:05 p.m. - "We started with 14 celebrities and we're down to 2," says The Donald. Children, Donald, Jr. and Ivanka, weigh in with their two cents about who might win. Over a million dollars has been raised for the charities. The Donald says he is looking forward to the big fight. Pre-recorded portions of their battle now play. The live audience cheers as the walls of the board room are raised to reveal their presence.

9:08 p.m. - Trace Adkins is here to raise money for severe food allergies. Piers is raising money for "Intrepid Fallen Heroes." The Donald characterizes the fight as "Good v. evil, U.K. v. U.S."

On Trace's team is Lennox Lewis and Marilu Henner. Piers Morgan's team consists of Stephen Baldwin and Carol Alt. The Backstreet Boys will perform. But one of them wants wheat grass before the show. Trace acts like this is some kind of drug. He sniffs his nose at him and rolls his eyeballs.

Oh come on, Marlboro Man, wheat grass. It's good for you. Ever been to the health food store?

9:11 p.m. Off to commercial. Self-help yourself with Larry. An advertisement to quit your job and do what you like. Kind of like what I did when I took this virtual Hollywood correspondent's job. Having a blast but working for peanuts. What could be better?

9:12 p.m. And we're back. Text "Trump" to 30101 and help the charities for Trace and Piers. You'll donate a dollar to text and help raise money. Nice touch.

9:16 p.m. Piers is calling on favors. He contacts Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Fergie, Duchess of York for a prize or to bid for a prize. He's calling people he knows and people he doesn't really know at all. If I got a call for him, I'd probably laugh and hang up.

Aw, in the luxury van, Stephen compliments Piers for his fund raising skills. And Piers apologizes to Stevie B. if he has offended him. Yuk. It's bad enough these two lingered in a long handshake. It looked like, for a minute, Piers might lean over and kiss Baldwin like he did with Trace in the boardroom the episode Stinkaroma was fired. Thank goodness it didn't happen.

But now Trace is griping about the black fingernail polish he has to buy for one of the Backstreet boys. I never realized Trace was so out of it. I happen to love black fingernails, on men or women. Grow up!

9:20 p.m. Stevie B. has no friends. Of the 50 tickets Piers has to sell or give away, Baldwin is only able to bring in 5 people. Somehow, I can see why people stay away. Stevie B. may have an engaging smile, but that big gold cross on his chest, I know he's a minister and everything, but very ostentatious. Still, what about Piers's friends? Did they all drop off the face of the earth? And Carol? What? Not one of them knows anybody who can buy a ticket? Oy. This must be staged.

On to commercial.

9:23 p.m. And they're back. Before the last cut to commercial, they showed the boardroom. There was Stinky. All done up in a flashing pink suit. This time, she actually looked tasteful. Surprising. In all the other episodes, she looked like a common slut.

Remaining cool under pressure is crucial in business and in life, says the Donald. Roll the tape of past episodes.

9:27 p.m. Well, I called that one wrong. They're rolling tape of Trace under pressure for this final event. Trace says the pressure was due to the lack of time and need for more of it.

Aw, here's Trace's two little girls and his wife. Came out of nowhere. Wow! They are really pretty. Especially the 6-year old with the food allergy. The one he's trying to win money for. Just love their little fake chinchilla jackets. Do they have another one in size 12?

9:32 p.m. "Loaded celebrities means lots of money." This is Piers's mantra and the one he's teaching to the wait staff. Get everyone drunk. It's crucial.

The red carpet is out and people are starting to arrive. One of the "BSB" has "twisted his little knee," says Trace. He's still trying to find wheat grass juice and he needs to get something for the little BSB's knee. Trace says working with them has given himself more appreciation for himself. "Don't get me started on the BSB," Trace admonishes as the audience breaks out in loud applause.

"I've performed when my stomach was doubled over, had to go to the hospital, and they cut out 18 inches of my colon. But the BSB (Back Street Boys) won't perform because one of them doesn't have their wheat grass juice! Give me a break." Okay. Okay, Marlboro Man, we get it. You're a trooper. The BSB are not. Or maybe they're staging all of this for the show to get your gander up. Just stay cool. It will all be okay.

On to commercial.

9:36 p.m. And they're back.

Ticket sales. Auction sales. And overall, let's just see how they do. These are the criteria on which Piers and Trace will be judged. Trace is responsible for the band, the decorations, and party atmosphere. Piers is responsible for the auction.

Dean Samms, Eddie Montgomery, Ronnie Milsap, Trace's hommies are here. Nice. The Grand 'Ol Oprey and private people came from all over to show support and give Trace money. $5,000.00. $10,000.00. Trace may pull this off afterall.

9:42 p.m. Trace's item for the Super Bowl item sells for $18K. Once in a lifetime chance to enjoy royal tea with Fergie, Piers's item, sells for $100K - to the boss of Cantor Fitzgerald, who is standing there with members of the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. A dinner with Trace Adkins sells for $6K to Ivanka, who loves Trace. A night with the Osbourne's and if over $50K, Ozzy will fly his band anywhere in the country to play - Piers's item - sells to the same Cantor Fitzgerald guy for $100K.

Now how do the pompous Brit and this nice Jewish boy go together? Personally, even though I usually love the British accent, every time Piers opens his mouth, I want to stuff a rag in it.

9:45 p.m. Somehow, some way, Simon Cowell is involved in the series finale event. They say he's going to bid big for the auction. And he's in the back pocket of Piers. Oh, the British. They'll do anything to make the cowboy look bad. But don't discount the money they stuck in the cowboy's pocket.

Ha! They just cut to the green room with all the fired contestants and Stinkaroma was the only one sitting there stuffing her face with food. That's right Omarosa, stuff yourself now. It's the last expensive food you're going to see for a while.

9:49 p.m. Lunch with Ivanka bid for $20K. Ooo - item for Piers - but....

Here's Simon. Appearing by phone from London - bidding $100K - he takes it away. Trace finds the whole thing distasteful. Can't blame him. That bloated pompous Brit, he's so full of himself. He's tooting his own horn about how good he is at fund raising. Can I kick him? I'd like to kick him in the pants.

The Backstreet Boys performance turns out to be pretty good. Even without the wheat grass juice. I still say the whole thing was a ruse. Dig the black fingernails.

9:53 p.m. Mmmmmm, as I sit here through the many commercials, I'm thinking that the decorations looked a little sparse. Who was in charge of that? Marilu? If I remember correctly, Lennox raced her through that. So, Trace's team may get graded down on the look of the party.

It wasn't that packed either. Plenty of room for people to mill about. Why didn't the celebs try selling tickets to normal people? They could have packed that place! What? The little people couldn't mingle with the "beautiful" people. Does anyone else find that offensive?

9:55 p.m. Howard Lutnick and other partners of Cantor Fitzgerald will be matching all text donations tonight in an amount up to $250K - split between both charities. Call people! Call! This is a good way to give money and be part of the show.

Erin Burnett and Jim Kramer were just introduced. I have no idea who they are. Not. Isn't one of them with that Mad Money show?

10:04 p.m. And they're back. In the boardroom. Ivanka mentions how Piers choosing Stevie B. for his team was risky since they didn't work so well together and Baldwin specifically asked not to work with him any more. The Donald mentions how Lennox jumped ship to go work with Trace. Piers mentions that makes total sense since Lennox is a laid back sort.

Oh - I'm not so sure about that. They should probably stick Piers in the ring with Lennox. He acts so tuff. I give him about 30 seconds with Lennox.

$64K v. $364K - for the auction items, Piers wins.

$38K v. $12K - for the ticket sales, Trace wins.

Simon and The Donald are friends. I think so much money came in from Simon, not because of Piers, but because Simon likes The Donald, and that Simon wanted to donate the money to charity. Piers always wants to make it all about him. This guy is the guru of self-promotion.

Okay. Okay. And now Piers and Trace are resenting one another. Gag. Piers wants Trace to take it back that he was somehow belittling Trace's donors. OMG! If looks could kill, I think Trace just gave Piers the death blow. Is it over now? Can we all go home?

10:07 p.m. Welcome back. Live. To the season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice.

10:10 p.m. Who was responsible for the food?" queries the Donald, "because I didn't see any."

"That was deliberate," said Piers. "To get everyone tipsy so that they would bid more at the auction."

Baldwin denigrates Piers for shaking money out of people by getting them drunk. Piers fires back.

"He's not the only Christian in the room. He doesn't have a monopoly on Christianity," laments Piers. The Donald makes fun of Piers for sweating and sweating a lot. The audience laps it up.

10:15 p.m. The Donald calls on Trace for his take on the "good v. evil" and the "good, the bad, and the ugly" theme of the show. "Who's the ugly?" baits The Donald. Luckily, no one points to any of the women. Lennox volunteers as the ugly, but he's soooooo wrong. Lennox is actually very hot. And a good dresser.

Trace says that there have been times when Piers treated people in a questionable manner. For that reason, he's the better person to be the Celebrity Apprentice.

Piers defends himself by saying that he's playing a business game, not a popularity game. Piers says he's done the best by raising more money. He's in it for the money. He's in it for making the event the best. I suppose Piers is not so bad after all. He is, after all, doing this for charity. How can you not like someone who goes to all these lengths for charity?

"This is tough," says The Donald. "This is the toughest thing I've had to do in a long time. Get Piers and Trace ready! I'm ready to choose."

Eh....the whole thing is a crock. Celebrity apprentice? What's the apprentice part? I'm all for raising money for charity, but call the show for what it is. A way to strut lesser known and non-celebrities (Stinkaroma), and raise a lot of money for charity. Also to keep The Donald in the public eye. That's all. Nothing more.

10:17 p.m. Nice guy, Trace Adkins, enters the room. The audience goes wild.

Ruthless intelligence, and vicious guy, Piers Morgan, come on down! The audience boos.

10:20 p.m. The Donald starts off by asking Trace what he thinks about Piers. Trace doesn't like him or think very much of him. Piers compliments Trace and says he thinks he's a great guy.

"I'm an evil and obnoxious disgusting Brit," says Piers. "I don't mind."

Now The Donald brings out the fired celebrities. When Baldwin walks out the audience boos. Ha!

10:27 p.m. Everyone is there in the live boardroom except Gene Simmons who is shooting a movie. Then The Donald calls out Stinkaroma. OMG. She stands there like she's a super hero. She has this sparkling pink lipstick to match her outfit. I think she looks like a candy cane with mold.

Now The Donald asks Lennox what he thinks about Piers and Trace. Lennox equivocates. He thinks they're both good. But in the end, he gives kudos to Piers. Maybe it's true. Nice guys finish last.

Carol Alt is going head to head with The Donald. I agree with her. She should have been one of the final celebrities. Clearly, she has more respect for Piers.

"Stevie B. wasn't doing so well, and now he's a big star when he walks down the street," says The Donald. I was wrong. The Donald is and remains the guru of self-promotion.

Everyone is asked to raise their hand. Who do they like better? The votes go majority for Trace. So Trace is Mr. Popularity. But, let's face it. This wasn't a popularity contest. It was a contest to do the best in raising money. And as much as people dislike him, I think they have to admit that Piers did the best job.

Piers should win. But they still have to hear from Gene who is filming a movie in Japan. Stay tuned.

10:36 p.m. Wow. They are still skating outside in New York. Cut back to the live boardroom.

What is Gene Simmons's sign? "Dollar sign, baby," he replies. They are going through Gene's outtakes. Love that snake tongue.

And now here is Gene from Tokyo, Japan. Gene speaks Japanese, but it sounds like he just said some praise for Hamas....mmmm...no...couldn't be. Jeff Hazlett, an executive from Kodak is here too. Jeff says Gene was wrong about the task he lost, the one for Kodak. Kodak doubled its sales with the promotion from the winning team, Hydra. Gene is a shrewd businessman, but not shrewd enough. He lost early in the game. Why does his opinion matter?

"A tug of the heart, that's what Trace Adkins embodies, that 'aw shucks' source of demeanor," says Gene. Who does Gene pick? Trace, of course. Is this really about Mom, apple pie, and the American flag? Or are we talking about the person who was better raising money for charity? Clearly, it was not Trace. Sorry, Mom.

10:42 p.m. Nice touch. They did a piece on Trace's charity. Food allergies. Seeing his little girl in an oxygen mask, aw, I wanna cry. Give him the money already! Stop pulling on everyone's heart strings!

And now Trace is performing a country song. Wow! Nice thick baritone. Beautiful sound. I had never heard him sing before. He's really amazing!

Oh for goodness sakes, we all know the show wants to give the money to Trace, so just do it! Besides, Piers's charity already got some money - mostly because Piers is such an amazing fund raiser. Trace's charity has gotten nothing up until now. Really, the nice guy has not been able to pull off a win.

So, just give the money to the little girl in the fake chinchilla coat and let's all call it a day, shall we?

Oh. Wait. Go to iTunes now to download "You're Gonna Miss This" and all the money raised will go to Trace's charity. The offer is good for two weeks. I guess if The Donald ends up picking the bloated disgusting Brit, this will be Trace's booby prize.

10:50 p.m. And now they are giving equal time to Piers's charity. The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. Shane and Matthew have no legs and Matthew is blind. They're fallen heroes. I agree. Never thought I would see a bloated Brit advocating for American soldiers. Maybe I shouldn't apologize to Mom after all. If Piers wins, the American flag wins too. Fallen heroes from America. The flag flies in the background. And now some of the fallen soldiers are here on the live show. How can you not feel sorry for people who give limbs and lives to protect our freedoms?

The audience gives them a standing ovation. Rightfully so.

Okay, Piers should get the money. But right now, he's going home with a special coin from the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Center. Looked like a poker marker. I Wonder if he can gamble it at the craps table in Trump's Atlantic City casino.

An auction on nbc.com slash something having to do with the Celebrity Apprentice will go to The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. So, even if Trace wins, you can help raise money for the charity by spending your little heart out. Go consume, all you consumers. Consume for charity!

10:52 p.m. Oy vey! I am so torn. Chichilla coat little girl whose Daddy hasn't raised any money at all for her charity or soldiers who are blind with no legs who have already gotten money from a successful fund raiser. Who should win? Who?

Split it! Go ahead, The Donald, do a split. It's only fair!

10:58 p.m. The Donald is throwing in $250K of his own money for the winner's charity. So cool.

Trace says he is all for Piers's charity. But contrast that for the food allergy network. He represents 3 million fathers. They want that money. The fund will help save their children's lives. That's why they should win. Cry me a river. If it was solely up to me, they'd have the money already. Poor swollen throated little angels. Give those people the money!

Piers says this was not a good guy competition, it was a business competition with a premium for raising money for charity. He won 9 out of the 11 challenges given to him. He raised over $500M and had one of the biggest slaughters in the history of show. Killed everyone on all the business challenges. He believes he has integrity and doesn't think it should be called into question.

"But you were not loved, "says The Donald. "Does that mean anything to you?"

"No," said Piers. "You're not loved either." Touche.

Ivanka says that Piers lacks tact and that he's distracted. So, that's why she supports Trace.

Donald, Jr. says the use of the roladex is what allowed Piers to win. Down to the wire. Last minute here. The Donald rushes everyone along.

11:00 p.m. As predicted. Piers is The Celebrity Apprentice. Whoops erupt in the audience. Confetti falls. In the end, The Donald could not ignore his fund raising prowess. Not much time left for the wrap party. Wondering how The Donald managed to squander so much time in a live two-hour show. He should have reserved more time for the end. Not all of the fired celebrities had a chance to voice their choice for the winner. I'm feeling a little gyped here.

The Donald bids everyone a fond farewell and says they will be back next season. "We're going to be here for a long time," says The Donald. Yeah. Right. He hopes. Before they came up with this concept for a celebrity show, The Apprentice was done. Dead in the water. Was that crane accident in any way related to a project that was run by one of the other apprentices chosen on the show?

Keep bringing in the hot celebrities and I would say The Donald is right, actually, about future shows. This could be like Dancing With the Stars and continue into perpetuity.

It's been a blast live blogging this, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. And I'll be back for next season as well. Stay tuned.