Prince William Unrecognizable, Powell's Endorsement Undeniable, Lohan's Tan Unreliable and Mo' Gossip

It was a night of douchebag debauchery for the future King of England. Not on William Wales' end, mind you, but the idiot bodyguards who supposedly kept him from fraternizing with Queen Xtina. At some point, His Highness was recognized and given court before setting out with Prince Harry on a week long South African motorbike race for charity. I don't know who snapped this romantic memento of the Prince's glitterati rendezvous sans hubby Jordan Bratman, but that's the most photogenic Christine Aguilera has looked in months.

Actor Alan Cumming recalls washing away his disappointment over 2004 election night result with handstands and trannies. Today, he fears possible revolution in the event of a similar outcome this November.

Respected GOP stalwart Colin Powell finally announced his endorsement for president and it's .... Democrat Barack Obama. Surprise! Meanwhile, the McCain Campaign somehow persuaded CNN to scrub its report of the Palin family's involvement in the Alaskan Independence Party. Media censorship knows no boundaries.

Like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle," claimed Guy Ritchie in describing love-making with soon to be ex-wife Madonna. Ritchie blamed the material girl's obsession with exercise and Kabbalah for sex life interruptus, some draughts lasting as long as 18 months.

Foo Fighters front man David Grohl too chicken to dedicate song Everlong to Sarah Palin? That's the rumor being floated after the band protested the McCain Campaign's use of song My Hero. Grohl appeared at a private video gamer event where he almost segued from a Palin reference to a dedication, then quickly substituted "... the Republicans" as recipients of his affection.

Fake tan malfunction alert. Calling all hosers. Can't explain why this non-news item made today's cut. Must be the lure of Lindsay Lohan's naked two-toned legs, although from the looks of strategically placed stocking holes, the cover-up doesn't seem nearly as garish.

Echoing Alec Baldwin's empty threat to leave the U.S. in the event of a George Bush presidency, Tina Fey claims she'll leave the planet if the McCain-Palin ticket wins the election. Exactly how the 30 Rock star plans to handle the unthinkable is between her and doppelganger Palin.

Gordon Brown is Upside Down and Other Celebolitic Shorts

This site isn't the only one mixing up politics and celebrities. A sampling of mutant celebolitic spawn to tickle your funny bone.

The UK's Prime Minister isn't scoring brownie points for his "Government of All the Talents." This is the second time we've observed the media taking Gordon Brown to task for hobnobbing with the stars. Sour grapes from the trade unions perhaps, although what politician in their right mind would eschew glitterati in favor of commoners?

Tennis champs Venus and Serena Williams are two celebrities who won't be endorsing a presidential candidate, though both seem excited by Barack Obama's candidacy. The pairs' Jehovah's Witness beliefs discourage voting and prohibit involvement in political affairs. Oh, those crazy mixed-up Witnesses, don't they care who throws out the first ball at the U.S. Open?

Here's a blogger who supports celebrity political involvement, reasoning celebrities pique teen curiosity in political causes. Maybe. But wouldn't they be just as likely to watch MTV? Activism comes from more than just celebrity fanaticism. On the other hand, following a politically active celebrity exposes teens to news they might not otherwise stumble upon. That's a step in the right direction even if the teen in question eventually becomes a moral degenerate drinking beer all night in their parents' living room.

When John Mayer isn't busy cheating on Jen in a fantasy dream, he's busy playing cat and mouse with the paparazzi. Mayer must fancy himself the "Jerry" in this developing sideline but with one notable exception. The mouse in Tom and Jerry didn't hang with an uber-famous girlfriend. And Mayer has a notable reputation as a "Tom."

Glory be, someone has written an entire book on this topic! And I thought we were the ones who invented it. Looks like our fledgling book project was all for naught. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Barristers for Prince Philip May Not Mind

Can I write this without getting sued?

Prince Philip is a hairless twit and amazingly out of touch with The Queen's people who by their own misguided sense of loyalty allow the Duke of "Headforturds" to remain stodgy and blithering.

Just in case, I mean that other Prince Philip.