Celebrities Rally to Get Out the Vote: A Guide to Election 2008

Celebrity endorsements for president. Do we really care? Probably not.

What scares me about this video is knowing the names of everyone by sight. Okay, maybe one or two escape memory, but recognizing Giovanni Ribisi was a little scary. Yup, I spend too much time immersed in celebrity gossip. But I can't will myself away. Too much fun. Those who know and love me (and even those who don't) might as well get used to it.

With all the criticism -- good and bad -- about celebrities impacting the 2008 election, a star-studded cast put themselves on the line to debate an issue of vital national importance.

Getting YOU to the polls.

Think it doesn't matter? Uhm, no.

Even in non-battle ground states everyone, especially college students, have a duty and obligation to vote. If anything matters in this election, increasing voter participation and preventing voter fraud tops the list. It's our country and we can take it back, one citizen at a time. But we all must do our part.

In that spirit, I'm doing mine. An easy state by state voter guide appears below. Eligibility requirements, deadlines, and online registration links, they're all there for anyone who gives a flying fig.

Now it's your turn. No excuses. Register. NOW. Because in some places (*cough* Mississippi *ptuii*) the deadline is tomorrow!

Then vote on November 4th. Early.

Most states will allow everyone in line at poll closing time to vote. And if you get turned away, demand to see the precinct captain. Plop a provisional ballot in the captain's lap and take a cell phone picture. You can always file a complaint with the election board if your state results become a point of contention.

Remember Election 2000!

Never again.


Alabama

Alaska

Arizona

Arkansas

California

Colorado

Connecticut [Bill of Rights]

Delaware

D.C.

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii [Register Here]

Idaho

Illinois

Indiana

Iowa

Kansas

Kentucky [Deadline] [Register]

Louisiana [Deadline]

Maine [Register]

Maryland

Massachusetts

Michigan [Register]

Minnesota

Mississippi [Deadline] [Register]

Missouri [Register]

Montana [Deadline]

Nebraska [Register]

Nevada

New Hampshire

New Jersey

New Mexico [Register]

New York

North Carolina

North Dakota [No Deadline]

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania [Deadline and Registration]

Rhode Island [Deadline] [Register]

South Carolina

South Dakota [Register]

Tennessee [Deadline] [Register]

Texas [Deadline]

Utah [Deadline]

Vermont

Virginia [Deadline] [Register]

Washington

West Virginia [Deadline] [Register]

Wisconsin

Wyoming [Deadline]



Register from anywhere in the U.S.

Additional Resource

Jennifer Aniston Stars in Dee Plump-Up

Vat to do ven da hol' vorld votches vit bated breath?

As da fling vit John Mayer vas ending, dis vas dee question plaguing "unlucky een love" Jennifer Aniston.


Solution?

"Ve are goinck to plump... (clap) ...YOU UP!"

Just days before Aniston's publicist announced the end of her summer fling with John Mayer, Star Magazine snapped a puffy cupids bow peppering her pout. Preparation for the inevitable crush of media, no doubt. What better way to compensate for looks of pity and mocking text messages than with an eye-shocking fakeover?

Makeover? Pshaw! So yesterday. Only pure unadulterated collagen injections will do for the heart-broken pouts of Hollywood.

Saving face must be Aniston's primary concern in the ensuing media frenzy. Circling the wagons, confidant spinmeisters set the record straight over who did the dumping.

It was 'Jen who decided to move on,' says an unreported source. 'She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. ... Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.'

Whew. That takes a load off my mind. So glad the infidelity precipitating her decision wasn't Mayer's way of taking the easy way out.

But, hey, bursting Aniston's healing bubble wouldn't be cool. Not while she's so obviously tender and vulnerable. Taking solace in being the dumper rather than the dumpee is a far better way of coping than going under the knife.

Why bother when so much of her is already plastic?

[Source]

Relationships 101 Refresher Course for Jennifer Aniston

Whoopsie. We warned Jen not to push too hard. Look at the mess they've made. Time to bring in the vampires. Sure hope she can get her money back on all the place cards and party favors.

Because it's over, folks. Finis. Au revoir. Move along. T'ain't noth'n mo' to see. And no rubber-necking neither.

Not like anyone couldn't see this one coming a mile away.

Love and politics generally don't mix, but this is one time gentle genuflecting could have made a significant difference. Clearly, Jen and John started off very hot and heavy, steamy one might say. For a while, it looked like Aniston might have finally hooked her big fish and started reeling him in.

One minute they looked so cute together, then snap. They're done.

What happened?

Hey, I'm no insider, but I've seen this play before. So many times in fact, I could recite it in my sleep. Boy goes ga-ga. Boy pursues girl. Girl not sure. Girl plays hard to get. Boy plays harder. Boy woos girl. Girl falls in deep. Voila. There they are. Just the two of them. Both in deep. Both feeling the love. Both making the connection. Why would boy pull out?

I have my theories.

Some men are natural players. They're simply not commitment material. Oh, they may come around some day, like when they look in the mirror and see something smelly and wrinkly staring back. That's when they start thinking about family and legacy, and who's going to take care of them when they're sick and tasting like grandpa. But until then, it's all hands on deck. Fast and loose. Strike while the iron is hot. They tomcat around because they can, because they're personable and attractive. They're born lady killers. Inside, these men are trouble. Toy with them if you will, ladies, but don't think about getting a ring. Just whisper, "where is this going" and they're flying out the door. This type of man is fabulous arm candy, an ego booster, and a great escape into guilty pleasures, but not much more.

Next.

Some men need a certain kind of woman. They may not be exactly sure who that woman is, like a know it when they see it type of thing, but at least they have good intentions. These are the kind of men who need to lose a woman to know what they're missing. I hate to give this secret away because the truth is I could write a book and probably make a million dollars, but what the hey. Who has time to write a book? I barely have time to blog. So, here it is. The secret. For all the millions of women out there desperately trying to find the man of their dreams...

Move on.

You heard me. Get packing.

When a man and a woman are both in deep and bells are ringing and everything is so smooth the woman can't wait to make mooney eyes over coffee, that's the time to enjoy. Revel. Don't think about a future. Because the minute a woman starts talking rings and commitment, that's the minute this type of man starts planning his escape. He's not sure, he starts to feel boxed in, he wants more time, and before anyone can say "Gyllenspoon" three times fast, he's out of there. Maybe not literally but figuratively, leaving the woman alone and pruney in a big pool of love without a towel.

The only way to keep the bells ringing in that kind of relationship is to live in the moment. At some point, someone will envision a future together and want to talk about it. If it's the man, great. That's the way it should be. Women shouldn't have to chase after men. It just isn't the natural order of the universe.

A woman who isn't holding the cards in a relationship holds nothing. So, if it's the woman who first starts envisioning the future, starts dreaming about it and throwing out less than subtle hints to no avail, it's time for that woman to move on. Make plans. Get out the Rolodex. Oh, still be nice and occasionally take the man's phone calls, but get out. Date other people. Stop showing up at his concerts, that sort of thing.

If it's meant to be, he'll come running after, ready to talk turkey. That's when the woman should move in for the kill. Get a ring and set a date. If not, just keep moving on. Brush him off. Eventually the love will fade. And it won't be half as painful.

Sorry, but I know what I'm talking about, Sure, some women are with men who don't fall into either of the above two categories. Don't think other categories don't exist. Let's just say if a woman is with such a man, she's already holding all the cards in that relationship.

'Nuff said.

But getting back to Jennifer Aniston. This boring lecture in Relationships 101 was actually meant for her benefit. Not that I ever expect her to read it. Just working through my own relationship issues here.

Like getting someone besides me to say something.

Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing. Would you care to respond?

Gordon Brown is Upside Down and Other Celebolitic Shorts

This site isn't the only one mixing up politics and celebrities. A sampling of mutant celebolitic spawn to tickle your funny bone.

The UK's Prime Minister isn't scoring brownie points for his "Government of All the Talents." This is the second time we've observed the media taking Gordon Brown to task for hobnobbing with the stars. Sour grapes from the trade unions perhaps, although what politician in their right mind would eschew glitterati in favor of commoners?

Tennis champs Venus and Serena Williams are two celebrities who won't be endorsing a presidential candidate, though both seem excited by Barack Obama's candidacy. The pairs' Jehovah's Witness beliefs discourage voting and prohibit involvement in political affairs. Oh, those crazy mixed-up Witnesses, don't they care who throws out the first ball at the U.S. Open?

Here's a blogger who supports celebrity political involvement, reasoning celebrities pique teen curiosity in political causes. Maybe. But wouldn't they be just as likely to watch MTV? Activism comes from more than just celebrity fanaticism. On the other hand, following a politically active celebrity exposes teens to news they might not otherwise stumble upon. That's a step in the right direction even if the teen in question eventually becomes a moral degenerate drinking beer all night in their parents' living room.

When John Mayer isn't busy cheating on Jen in a fantasy dream, he's busy playing cat and mouse with the paparazzi. Mayer must fancy himself the "Jerry" in this developing sideline but with one notable exception. The mouse in Tom and Jerry didn't hang with an uber-famous girlfriend. And Mayer has a notable reputation as a "Tom."

Glory be, someone has written an entire book on this topic! And I thought we were the ones who invented it. Looks like our fledgling book project was all for naught. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Katie Holmes Goes Molly and Mo' Gossip

To beef up the profile of our virtual Hollywood correspondent Moan Quivers, we're starting a new Monday morning weekend wrap of tacky gossip and related oddities. No relation to celebrity politics whatsoever. Moani needs more to do around here.

Oh, oh, I'm so excited. I finally get my own regular weekly feature. This is such a step up from that tired pink bot. Thanks, peoples! I'll try not to let you down.

IT'S MOAN QUIVERS !! Wow. I'm getting slightly misty-eyed. Play it, Bruno!

No, wait. That was my other gig. Ah-hem, moving on.

These Aussie guys are party animals. Haimish and Andy, get it? You'd have to be really old. These two aren't. Feeling a tad kindred spirit with young Andy, if that is indeed his real name.

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom continue to deny rumors of a break-up. Kissy-kissy. Next time don't be so public when cozying up to the grease.

Peek-a-boo Nahla Ariela Aubrey (aka Halle Berry's daughter). Oh, show her blink'n face already! That kid's gonna be driving a car before we get a good gawk at her.

Britney Spears would be meshuganeh to poo-poo her parents now. She looks better at this Generation Rescue gala than she has in years. Brit's back in the recording studio and taking a stab at a comeback. Now if she would drop that hideous paparazzo and date some normal people, I might have to stalk other places for dirt.

Daisy, sweetheart, no doubt you are the inspiration for this incredibly funny SNL skit. Dave, darling, there are better scraps in the dumpster.

I feel like I'm reading a spy novel. "The departure began at 3:50 a.m. .... minibus with darkened windows ... sudden spray of light ... very quickly organizing themselves inside ... 'Pouf!' they were gone." No wonder the French reported the birth of Brangelina's twins as a major American news event.

Katie Holmes has been channeling her inner Molly Ringwald. TomKat must be on the prowl for Hilary Swank roles.

Ooooo. Kelly Osbourne engaged? Doooo tell!

Dumkopf. If you hadn't pressured him to marry you in the first place you'd still be together. Sarah pines for George. Duh.

Speaking of pressure, if Jennifer Aniston knows what's good for her, she'll stop swooning all mooney-eyed. Dog Norman has taken an intense disliking to new beau, John Mayer, for good reason, I'm sure.

One of our favorite producer/directors Brett Ratner will be working with his Rush Hour trois star Chris Tucker again. The two plan to bring a big tell all Sinatra biopic to the big screen.

Brenda's back. Shannen Doherty will return for multiple guest spots on the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off, 90210. That muffled sound you hear is Aaron Spelling turning over in his grave.

So... ya think they should expand this spot to a daily?

Jennifer Aniston Photographed Sunbathing in the Nude

Sex sells. Ask anyone. Given the choice between the purity of content and the almighty dollar, what is a blogger to do?

In a perfect world, my answer would be, "Why, purity of content, certainly." This is, after all, a world we want our children to inherit, right? On the other hand, a person has to eat. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. These are real choices each of us must grapple with every day.

Lately, Jennifer Aniston has been stirring up the paps, but for all the wrong reasons. Gossip is undulating everywhere about her fall-out with BFFs Courtney Cox and David Arquette. If you must know, the problem supposedly started with some immature flap. The Arquettes were unable to visit Jen on her current movie location, so she became angry and now they hate each other. To really soap up this spew, someone threw in a rumor about an overly concerned Brad Pitt. As if. Angelina Jolie has a tight leash on that dog. But, honestly, I can't imagine the Friends hotties having a row about something so petty. Must be more to the story.

Looks like there is. Jennifer Aniston, of all people, has become a pap victim. That much is true. Caught sunbathing topless. Unless the photos are doctored, and they don't appear to be, the ladies are out in all their glory for the whole world to view, comment, and whatever else over-sexed humans do behind closed doors. Oh, and make no mistake about it, people will comment. Jen is one of the few ladies in Hollywood who decided to stay au naturale. Here, for what it's worth, is my own conjecture about her tiff with the Arquettes:

Jen became distressed when she could not stop the nudie photos from being plastered all over the Internet. Publication in the dirty tabloids is likely to follow, meaning, the photos will be on every news stand, unless she can get an injunction. Not sure if she knows how, Jen immediately contacts her BFFs for support, telling them to drop everything and fly out to her current movie location. No can do, replies the Arquettes. They have their own commercial commitments. Besides, it's the holidays. They don't want to miss all the good parties and family get togethers. So, Jen is left to fend for herself, miserably alone and devastated. She won't be able to face the media scrutiny alone. She lashes out at her two true friends. Someone on the set gets wind of it and spills.

Okay. Someone who cares needs to drop everything to be with this girl. Rachel Green is no longer the mysterious fantasy of every young boy's dreams.

Eh? What's the big deal? All the big stars eventually do Playboy, right? Not.

I had to think long and hard about whether The Spewker should link to this papanazzi garbage. On the one hand, this is a family oriented blog. On the other hand, sex sells. Just imagine the spike in traffic ... why ... for a tiny new blog like this, the outcome could be huge!

Oh, okay, enough with the double entendres. It's easy enough to find your own links if you want to see what Jennifer Aniston looks like topless. Just stop and ask yourself one simple question. Will you take the time and trouble to do so? Your honest answer may surprise you.

Especially if you want to leave the world a better place for our children.