Hilary Duff Lands in Pool of Paparazzi

Once again the public's insatiable appetite for "stars as they are" causes apparent anguish in Tinseltown. This time, paparazzi trail former Nickelodeon powder puff, Hilary Duff.

But is everything as it seems?

The hunt for Duff as she jaunts about el Lay is a nagging head scratcher. Her career marinates in tabloid style sections, yet a gaggle of camera people jostle to document a rather blase ensemble. Run of the mill oversized undershirt pulled over black body suit topped with matching go-go boots, a definite fashion whatever. The in your face presence of multiple photogs seems oddly out of place for a routine trip to the mall.

Is anyone else thinking what's wrong with this picture? Seriously, how did that many lenses pinpoint Duff's location? Better yet, why?

Maybe they've planted imperceptible trailing devices on celebrity vehicles broadcasting locations over a secret short wave radio channel. Much like amateur crime busters monitoring police scanners, the paparazzi decide when to send out the dogs. On the day they trailed Duff, it was a slow one for broadcasts.

On the other hand, Duff's father is once again in the news, this time to report his arrest and incarceration in a Texas jail. Good photo opp? Unlikely.

Perhaps boyfriend Mike Comrie is really a mole, working behind the scenes as a double agent texting photogs known locations in exchange for cold hard cash.

Could the anguished Duff be her own tip off? Stars have been known to "leak" their location to tabloids, hoping to increase public exposure. Duff is currently shooting the Mark Polish film Stay Cool, along with Josh Holloway, Winona Ryder, and Chevy Chase. Word from the top may be to get out the buzz.

In that case, they have our attention.

We're Not in Monopoly Any More

Gawkers and rubberneckers have a field day. Queen's bishop calls for paparazzi moratorium.

Ellen DeGeneres to Wed, Jackson Browne Seeing Red, and Lindsay Sharing Bed

You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Another edition of The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

McCain and the RNC finally went too far. Musician Jackson Browne is the latest aggrieved celebrity with a beef against the Senator from Arizona. Browne joins an ever expanding list of celebrities with copyright infringement claims against McCain and the Republican Party, including Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Paris Hilton, ABBA, and John Mellencamp. Ohio RNC chairman Robert Bennett pulled the ad after Browne filed suit in L.A. U.S. District Court.

Contrary to persistent rumors, Madonna is not adopting another child. Or maybe she is. We're so confused. Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg has been known to issue misleading news in the past.

Ben Stiller continues to battle backlash against his latest film Tropic Thunder. But not for the reasons most people suspect. Apparently, Stiller is an equal opportunity offender, placing Caucasian actor Robert Downey, Jr. in black face, and repeatedly using the "r" word to refer to developmentally challenged children.

BET debuts a cross between Keith Olbermann and Bill Maher with a black perspective this Friday at 11 p.m. Entertainment news program The Truth With Jeff Johnson is the latest entry in the political entertainment genre.

It's wedding bells for DeGeneres and de Rossi. Popular talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and fiance Portia de Rossi plan to wed in a same-sex ceremony this weekend.

Get a chance to see what life looks like through the eyes of a famous celebrity. A-list stars donated their eyeglasses for an eBay charity auction benefiting Sightsavers International. Bidding ends on August 24th. Money from the auction will fund the work of the international blindness charity in 33 countries across Africa, Asia and the Caribbean to prevent and cure blindness and support people who are permanently blind or visually impaired. Former spectacle owners include Sir Michael Caine, designer Bruce Oldfield, George Michael, and Ewan McGregor.

Elizabeth Edwards is reportedly anguished over husband John's admitted affair with a campaign aide. Edwards was "unprepared for the amount of disgust and how swiftly everything else he had done in his career would be wiped away, and ... really reeling from that and afraid what it will do to their legacy as a couple and what their children will inherit." Maybe Edwards should have considered the scum sucking fallout before hopping into bed with a flooze.

Check out the "Celebs to Watch Out For" list. Paparazzi, you've been warned.

It's official. Lindsay Lohan confirms sharing a bed with lover Samantha Ronson. Lohan hasn't been with a man since the two started dating. Reportedly Sam has a real calming effect on the former wild child and the two are inseparable. Any relationship helping Lindsay tone down her hard partying ways is a big plus in my eyes.

Weight loss stories sell magazines. Just ask actress Jennifer Love Hewitt. After admonishing the tabloids for shining the spotlight on her cellulite, she encouraged women to be proud of their own bodies whatever shape or size. Now the star of Ghost Whisperer announces dropping 18 pounds in 10 weeks. "I am in a pretty good workout regimen that I like, so it inspired me to keep it up," Hewitt told US Magazine. Her trainer claims she didn't drop the weight to look good in a dress but failed to offer any other plausible motivation.

Paparazzi Spawn Celebrity Baby Picture Industry

The sale of celebrity baby pictures is big business. Ever escalating, now topping out at $10 million to $15 million, the first look at Brangelina twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline is beginning to raise eyebrows. The newborns will make their public debut in a future issue of People with a second "exclusive" layout to follow in OK!.

Despite earmarking proceeds from the shoot to charity, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are under fire. Some question obscenely high amounts paid for celebrity baby pictures. Others call the arrangement exploitation.

Frivolous waste of resources equal to the GNP of Myanmar or shrewd use of public insatiability for celebrity photographs?

Parodoxically, the inexplicable desire for a glimpse into the lives of celebrities fuels distaste for the paparazzi. The streets of Hollywood and Manhattan are full of professional and amateur photographers attempting to earn a livelihood or turn a quick buck. It's gotten so bad, surfers attacked a TMZ crew off the coast of Malibu. Politicians contemplate new legislation. Even fans have taken up the cause.

I've posted before about paparazzi encounters of the third kind. Some of the following scenes are surreal.

At some point, unless Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie intend to raise their children in a vaccum, they must venture outside the gates of their fortified compound. Not surprisingly, paparazzi have already staked out camera angles for their anticipated departure. Money talks. Those first photographs are worth a pretty penny no matter who takes them.

Better People and OK! magazines who will donate the proceeds to charity than money grubbing paparazzi who cavalierly disregard the consequences of ignoble intrusion.

Gordon Brown is Upside Down and Other Celebolitic Shorts

This site isn't the only one mixing up politics and celebrities. A sampling of mutant celebolitic spawn to tickle your funny bone.

The UK's Prime Minister isn't scoring brownie points for his "Government of All the Talents." This is the second time we've observed the media taking Gordon Brown to task for hobnobbing with the stars. Sour grapes from the trade unions perhaps, although what politician in their right mind would eschew glitterati in favor of commoners?

Tennis champs Venus and Serena Williams are two celebrities who won't be endorsing a presidential candidate, though both seem excited by Barack Obama's candidacy. The pairs' Jehovah's Witness beliefs discourage voting and prohibit involvement in political affairs. Oh, those crazy mixed-up Witnesses, don't they care who throws out the first ball at the U.S. Open?

Here's a blogger who supports celebrity political involvement, reasoning celebrities pique teen curiosity in political causes. Maybe. But wouldn't they be just as likely to watch MTV? Activism comes from more than just celebrity fanaticism. On the other hand, following a politically active celebrity exposes teens to news they might not otherwise stumble upon. That's a step in the right direction even if the teen in question eventually becomes a moral degenerate drinking beer all night in their parents' living room.

When John Mayer isn't busy cheating on Jen in a fantasy dream, he's busy playing cat and mouse with the paparazzi. Mayer must fancy himself the "Jerry" in this developing sideline but with one notable exception. The mouse in Tom and Jerry didn't hang with an uber-famous girlfriend. And Mayer has a notable reputation as a "Tom."

Glory be, someone has written an entire book on this topic! And I thought we were the ones who invented it. Looks like our fledgling book project was all for naught. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Jamie Lynn Chews Out Paparazzi

Jamie Lynn reportedly kicked out her baby daddy and had choice words for the paps.

So what if this parody is the closest we'll ever get to a Jamie Lynn Spears interview? The stress of raising a baby without a wedding ring must be getting to the poor dear. How else to explain throwing fiance Casey out of the house after snooping around for (and finding) contact information for other women on his cell phone and computer?

Jamie Lynn and Casey are back together ... for now. But I wouldn't be surprised if their OK Magazine spread had anything to do with it. A clause in their contract probably requires the diaper duty duo to look blissfully happy ... at least until the issue clears newsstands.

Post Oscar Celebrity Legal Briefs

With the glow of Oscars fading in the west, it's reality check time. Oh yes, even the stars have their share of legal woes. Submitted for your approval, a sampling of today's civil matters in the world of entertainment

In the "Here We Go Again" department, Pamela Anderson is seeking an annulment from husband number "I can't keep track anymore" Rick Salomon. Can't imagine why the Baywatch babe is claiming fraud, although what did she expect getting married on a whim?

Jessica Seinfeld's ex, Eric Nederlander, is a two-time loser. He's agreed to vacate the "hate nest" of wife number two just weeks after the birth of their first child. Apparently, Number Two's training as a child psychologist was all for naught.

The sad saga of Britney Spears will remain in state court. An attorney claiming to represent the embattled pop princess tried to move the case to federal court by alleging violation of her constitutional rights. By the time all the lawyers are done picking apart this pie, there may not be much fame and fortune left for her to squander.

The Maccas have been told to clear their calendars for March 17th. That's when a British judge is tenatively scheduled to award Heather Mills a financial settlement in the couple's hotly contested divorce. Sir Paul had hoped to keep the lid on the details, but refused to buckle to m'lady's demands. A public airing of their dirty laundry will likely occur when the judge issues his final ruling.

After having his day in court on charges of defamation, paparazzo Jamie Fawcett was ordered to pay legal fees to the Sun-Herald. A jury found the newspaper liable for defamation, however, the paper called Nicole Kidman as a witness and successfully established it had only reported the truth.
A bank is foreclosing Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. The King of Pop has until March 19th to pay off an overdue balance of about $25M.

Rambo wants revenge. Anthony Pellicano, the private investigator scheduled to go on trial for illegally wiretapping the phones of celebrities, intercepted Sylvester Stallone's private calls in February 2002. Although settled, the interceptions occurred about the same time Stallone sued his former business manager over losses related to the Planet Hollywood restaurant chain.

Alfred Beardsley, the memorabilia dealer caught up in the O.J. Simpson snafu, filed suit against Thomas Riccio, the mastermind behind the Simpson TMZ video. Beardsley is claiming unspecified damages for invasion of privacy, fraud, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and unjust enrichment. In September, 2007, Simpson and friends raided Beardsley's Las Vegas hotel room and seized several items Simpson claimed as his own. Criminal charges remain pending.

The John Ritter wrongful death trial is now in its fourth week. The beloved actor's survivors are suing a cardiologist and radiologist for $67M. Many tearfully testified about Ritter's sudden demise, including then co-star Katey Sagal, son Jason Ritter, and personal assistant Jessica Pilch-Samuel.

Countering a copyright case filed by video game maker Capcom, producers of the Dawn of the Dead films are fighting back. MKR President and chief shareholder Richard Rubinstein believes Capcom's Dead Rising video game is a knock-off of key plot elements in the popular movie franchise.

Producer's of America's Hot Musician, the non-profit organization American Youth Symphony, filed suit against Canadian all-female metal band "Kittie" for $5M. Countering show related threats of legal retaliation, the producers hit back claiming tortious interference with business practices, fraud and libel.

THIS JUST IN:
R.I.P. William F. Buckley, sage political commentator, dead at the age of 82.

Premiere Hollywood Event Showcases Talent of Johnny Grant, Dead at Age 84

Another end of an era. Glitterati across America are in mourning over the death of the unofficial Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant. He was 84 years old.

Grant was unmarried. He did not leave behind any children. Some might say the entire town of Hollywood was his family. Grant was a human dynamo, a relic of a bygone time. Show business pulsed through his veins. He transformed a moribound event no one would attend into a world famous bells and whistle ceremony known as the Hollywood Walk of Fame. An actor himself, Grant may hold the record for hosting the most public events as master of ceremonies. He loved the spotlight, people, and hobnobbing with the powers that be. Johnny Grant was civic minded as well as patriotic. In the tradition of Bob Hope, he traveled overseas to encourage and entertain our troops.

I did not know Johnny Grant, nor did we ever meet in person. I'm sure he was the kind of guy I would have liked from the getgo. Last summer, I came across the hands and feet ceremony for Ocean's 13. Very early on in the video, an obnoxious paparazzo screams directions at Brad Pitt. Pitts's churlish reaction was not well received and event monitors quickly snuffed out a fire. Still, the harassment continued. Tensions started to mount. Johnny never missed a beat, not even when the front of his podium fell apart. He kept the crowd calm, put the paparazzi in their place, ad libbed when it was needed, and moved the ceremony along. Despite the common behavior of certain cameramen, the event remained quite classy.

I kept thinking to myself, Hollywood doesn't have a mayor. Who is this odd little man and why is he with all those glitzy Tinseltown superstars? He doesn't seem very glitzy himself. Yet anyone can see from this video that Grant evoked tenderness and respect from the highest echelons. I've never seen a man off the street so revered. Now, in his passing, I realize Johnny Grant was no ordinary man.

Go in peace and tranquility, little mayor of a town who will forever remember you as a man of great stature. May your embedded star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame serve as a beacon of light for all who dream of riches and immortalty.

As he once thought about Mickey Rooney, if Johnny can do it, anyone can.

Jennifer Aniston Photographed Sunbathing in the Nude

Sex sells. Ask anyone. Given the choice between the purity of content and the almighty dollar, what is a blogger to do?

In a perfect world, my answer would be, "Why, purity of content, certainly." This is, after all, a world we want our children to inherit, right? On the other hand, a person has to eat. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. These are real choices each of us must grapple with every day.

Lately, Jennifer Aniston has been stirring up the paps, but for all the wrong reasons. Gossip is undulating everywhere about her fall-out with BFFs Courtney Cox and David Arquette. If you must know, the problem supposedly started with some immature flap. The Arquettes were unable to visit Jen on her current movie location, so she became angry and now they hate each other. To really soap up this spew, someone threw in a rumor about an overly concerned Brad Pitt. As if. Angelina Jolie has a tight leash on that dog. But, honestly, I can't imagine the Friends hotties having a row about something so petty. Must be more to the story.

Looks like there is. Jennifer Aniston, of all people, has become a pap victim. That much is true. Caught sunbathing topless. Unless the photos are doctored, and they don't appear to be, the ladies are out in all their glory for the whole world to view, comment, and whatever else over-sexed humans do behind closed doors. Oh, and make no mistake about it, people will comment. Jen is one of the few ladies in Hollywood who decided to stay au naturale. Here, for what it's worth, is my own conjecture about her tiff with the Arquettes:

Jen became distressed when she could not stop the nudie photos from being plastered all over the Internet. Publication in the dirty tabloids is likely to follow, meaning, the photos will be on every news stand, unless she can get an injunction. Not sure if she knows how, Jen immediately contacts her BFFs for support, telling them to drop everything and fly out to her current movie location. No can do, replies the Arquettes. They have their own commercial commitments. Besides, it's the holidays. They don't want to miss all the good parties and family get togethers. So, Jen is left to fend for herself, miserably alone and devastated. She won't be able to face the media scrutiny alone. She lashes out at her two true friends. Someone on the set gets wind of it and spills.

Okay. Someone who cares needs to drop everything to be with this girl. Rachel Green is no longer the mysterious fantasy of every young boy's dreams.

Eh? What's the big deal? All the big stars eventually do Playboy, right? Not.

I had to think long and hard about whether The Spewker should link to this papanazzi garbage. On the one hand, this is a family oriented blog. On the other hand, sex sells. Just imagine the spike in traffic ... why ... for a tiny new blog like this, the outcome could be huge!

Oh, okay, enough with the double entendres. It's easy enough to find your own links if you want to see what Jennifer Aniston looks like topless. Just stop and ask yourself one simple question. Will you take the time and trouble to do so? Your honest answer may surprise you.

Especially if you want to leave the world a better place for our children.

Nobody Cares on October 23, 2007

I can't get my work done, my kid had an operation, the rented video is busted, and the downstairs toilet is not only stuffed up, but the flushing handle doesn't work.

Nobody cares.

Likewise, nobody cares about these culled tidbits from around the blogosphere:
1. J.Lo is preggers. Duh. Do we really need an announcement [ more...]?

2. After transmorgifying her image from this to this, we all know Tara Reid is just a washed up has been in bimbo's clothing. Everybody knows they're fake, dahling. Why bother with surgery when you have such a pretty face[ more...]?

3. Speaking of face, Britney changed some features of her own face the other day, then covered up to avoid the ever present paparazzi. Don't worry, Britney's mom, this too shall pass. [more...].

4. Eddie Izzard and Keifer Sutherland. Separated at birth? You be the judge [ more...].

5. Kim Kardashian continues to hang out in all the right places. After all, it was the woman's birthday. But why the body obsession? The more I read and see about Kim's tush and tiddies, the more I want to hurl. [ more...].

Well that's a wrap. And nobody cares.

Britney Spears Outing Makes Neighborhood "Unsafe"

What a spectacle! Suffice it to say, my life is a bed of roses compared to this celeb's. I cannot imagine how Britney continues to cope, or for that matter, even function. After feasting my eyes on this papafrenzi outing, knowing full well her recent custody litigation set backs, is it any wonder this woman is drugged out and estranged?



Thank goodness Jamie Lynn didn't take "No" for an answer. I heard she and big bro were turned away last week at the manse after trying to stage an intervention. Perhaps Ms. Herownworstenemy is now willing to accept a helping hand, what with the myriad of problems threatening to destroy both her and her career. Judging by this video, if Britney hasn't yet hit rock bottom, she's pretty darn close.

Is Brit turning tony Malibu into trailer park trash? Probably. But have a heart, wicked neighbor, so bold to scold about the safety of your precious neighborhood or lack thereof. Where is your compassion? Your less fortunate neighbor is suffering a very public meltdown. Her parents are unable to deal. Even The Donald's unsolicited offer of assistance languishes unheard.

The unbelievable part of this whole surreal saga is the magnitude of paparazzi trailing Britney's every move. She breaks a fingernail and it's news. Like a merciless tsunami refusing to recede, the constant crush of bodies must be overwhelming and exhausting. As I've previously noted in support of yet another overexposed embattled tart, life in the flash bulbs isn't a walk in the park. Fame comes with a heavy price.

Say what you will, but I have gobs of empathy for those less capable of navigating the fray. I never thought I would say this, but

"Leave Britney alone!"

If anyone is more deserving of scorn, it's the gaggle of vermin marring a sunny California morning with their incessant flashes and clicks. The popping and whirring noises alone would drive me insane. Is it really so difficult to sidestep these bottomfeeders? I must conclude Ms. Malibu Hag lacks a certain amount of coordination and civility. You know the type. Prefers a stationary bike to more challenging activity and hates to send or receive holiday cards. Bah. Humbug.

Can't help but note the irony of Ms. Hag's public tantrum. As boomeranging slings and arrows rained down upon her $3.5 million beachfront noggin (which these days only buys something akin to a shack), she unwittingly brought the papanazzi to Britney's defense. It's a sad day in Tinseltown when one's biggest protectors are the same people making life so unberable. Then again, nothing in el Lay surprises me. Not even when a morning stroll about town deteriorates into fodder for tabloids.

Ratings Spike for Larry King Live

I have nothing against Larry King Live. On second thought, the image of Larry liplocked with the late great Marlon Brando vaguely reminds me of naked Borat and the fat man. Ech. Yech. Ptoo.

Number one cable ratings. Not too shabby, Paris. Perhaps Barbara Walters was wrong to pass on your jailhouse release ramble. On second thought...

Kudos to Bill McCuddy, Fox News entertainment reporter, for giving me my LMAOMoment of the day. He succinctly dubbed the interview "Punxatawney Paris." The news gophers flash their cameras and everyone goes home. Kinda like this who cares event .

Then again, I would have hung around to dance the Pennsylvania Polka .

You Know Who Released from Jail

Do I have to name names? By now everyone in the Northern Hemisphere and select parts of Europe know that Paris is no longer under siege. Hoo-ah!

I'm ashamed to admit my own participation in this guilty little pleasure. She's blonde. She's hot. She's eye-candy. Seemingly clueless. She's fluff. There's internet pictures of her with no underwear (I swear, I only looked for a second, then became completely flabbergasted and moved on, honestly, I did).

Why are we all so fascinated?

I can't help feeling slightly sorry for this woman. Contrary to popular belief, "richyoungandbeautiful" is not the end all be all. Paparazzi and intrusive fans pester her wherever she goes. I'll bet she can't even walk into a grocery store without people gaping and snapping their cell phones (then again, she can send Jeeves out to buy a quart of milk, no?). And what about Sarah Silverman's diatribe at the 2007 MTV Awards?I don't know when it became fashionable to skewer down and out celebutauntes perched in your own audience, but the sheer humiliation must have been unbearable. I surely would have burst into tears and run for cover. Snarky Jack Nicholson and Eva Mendes couldn't have made life any easier.

The simple life? No thank you. The grass is just fine over here.

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