Did Knut the Polar Bear Die from Overexposure?

He entered the world to international acclaim, but where are all the "oooohers" and "aaaaahers" now?

On March 19, 2011, Knut, the irresistibly cute and cuddly polar bear, staggered and drowned in his cage at The Berlin Zoo, never to be heard from again. That’s right. As onlookers watched (and filmed) in horror, darling Knut, barely 4-years old, bit the big one.




This is the same furball whose birth made callous news people blubber and fawn like adoring grandparents. No one could get enough of Knut. His adorable little smushy face graced the cover of every newspaper and popular magazines. Heck, his first video may still be going viral.

At least now Zsa Zsa Gabor can sleep easy. With Knut’s death, the bubbe-meise of celebrities dying in threes has come to fruition. First Jane Russell, then Dame Elizabeth Taylor, and now chick-magnet Knut. To be fair, Taylor completed the trilogy, but news of Knut’s death traveled slowly. I doubt Gabor realizes Taylor’s death actually bought her a reprieve.

A neurologist who studied Knut’s brain scans claims he died from an epileptic fit. I wonder if something more sinister is to blame. Neglect? Abuse? Failure to keep his magnetic mug in front of the cameras? I can’t remember the last time I watched a video of the fluffy charmer.

Perhaps to some degree we are all to blame for Knut’s untimely demise. The poor wretch died the same way he was born – on film – but what about those brief years in between? Who was filming then? As he aged from the height of "Knut-Mania" to the dirty brown punching bag of female cage mates, zoo attendance waned. And so it seems did interest in Knut.

Some have speculated it was the stress of stardom that did him in. Maybe, like so many child stars who turn from darling to dull right before our eyes and lose their careers in the process, Knut was a has-been who saw the handwriting on the wall. Maybe the poor dear simply decided to go out on his own terms, turning in circles and plopping into the abyss.

Hopefully, Knut is now in a better place, a place where cameras roll day and night and he is the bright shining star never fading from glory.

Then again, the limelight is never as glamorous as it seems.


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Miley Cyrus Sweet 16 Hampers Team Tee Fashion

Will somebody famous please pick a fight with me so The Spewker can print team t-shirts and rake in the bucks? An emerging fashion line is cashing in on celebrity feuds and we want in.

Someone is getting rich off this drivel. I mean, look at the lousy design on that tee. A 10-year old could have printed it. We just want our share.

First there was Team Aniston v. Team Jolie. Then, came Team Paris v. Team Nicole.
Less than two months ago, Kevin Jonas stepped out with Team Demi and Selena. Must have something to do with those song lyrics. Still waiting to see Team Miley and Mandy on some famous torso.

Now it may never happen.

If you're not familiar with the Disney Bermuda Triangle, it's only because you're over age thirty and have bigger fish to fry. Like, say, keeping up your mortgage payments and holding down a job.

Team Miley and Mandy recently celebrated a Miley milestone with a Sweet 16 blowout to benefit Youth Service America. No big deal that her actual birthday is November 23rd. About 5,000 of her closest fans forked over $250 a piece to party at Disneyland and watch Miley perform.

Wholesome Hollywood turned out in droves. Including supposed rival Demi Lovato. Team tee lovers are crying foul.

For the most part, these tiffs are more show than real, but that doesn't stop the public from buying into the hype. Message boards can't get enough of the play by play.

Noticeably MIA from Miley's big day? The Jonai and frenemy Selena Gomez. Maybe these team tees have a longer shelf life than I imagined.

In that case, The Spewker welcome all slings and arrows, the more famous the better.

Charlize Theron Sued for Dripping in Competitor Jewels

Carefully orchestrated product placement isn't insidious enough for some retailers. Now, New Age entrepreneurs quietly pay high-priced celebrities to subliminally hawk their wares.

Mmmmm, doesn't Nicole Kidman's perfume smell divine? Product placement.

And that to-die-for Charlize Theron bling? Product placement too.

Or is it?

No, says Swiss jeweler and watchmaker Raymond Weil. Weil paid Theron a cool $3 mill to model his luxury watches and baubles. He also bought the right to her name and image. Just one niggly detail in this 18-month sweetheart deal. An exclusivity requirement, as in "Don't wear my competitor's rocks while you're under contract or you'll live to regret it."

Print ads and candids from the red carpet later showed Theron dripping in rival gems.

Weil must have felt awfully foolish. He sued Theron in U.S. District Court for breach of contract, claiming she donned a Christian Dior watch, Montblanc jewelry and Cartier jewels while under contract. He also alleged that Chopard paid her six figures to model their high-end baubles during the exclusivity period.

Theron must be one foxy conniving diva to attempt a fast one like that. Can't blame her for liking fashion, but also can't understand why she would defy a paltry detail about exclusivity. Certainly, she understood the fine print when she signed on to become a walking billboard.

Maybe she thought the terms of her deal didn't apply to Academy Award winners.

Sorry to break the news to Theron, but cushy seven figure jobs do come with a price. This one's was to play the part of a sell-out. And even that was too much for m'lady.

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama Supporters to Steal This Video

Gwyneth Paltrow is putting her weight, what little of it there is, firmly behind the Democrats by urging those abroad to request overseas ballot.

Clearly, Paltrow is endorsing presumptive nominee Barack Obama, although Vote From Abroad.org does not require Democrat affiliation as a prerequisite for obtaining a ballot.

Presumably, any registered overseas voter can request an absentee ballot, increasing the likelihood that Paltrow's video will do nothing more than create a wash. Republican counter-voting is a likely possibility of publication. I'm sure there are more.

What exactly will the Democrats gain through promotion of the video? A good feeling inside? Reaffirmed self-esteem? A chance to lose by thin margins?

Speaking of pain with no gain, Paltrow is taking a beating on a different front these days. The Director of Respect for Animals, Mark Glover, made mincemeat of her decision to promote Italian designer Tod's new collection. Poor little rich girl appeared in the designer's new advertising campaign totally pimped out in fox fur and fur lined-boots.

"Gwyneth Paltrow should be ashamed," laments Glover. "I can only assume that Paltrow either is ignorant of the facts or lacks human decency and compassion."

I've got my money on the former. Any day from now, Paltrow will issue a sketchy press release suggesting the designer constructed her particular garments from recyclable plastic. That or she was too busy saving her marriage to be concerned with the piddly details.

Wouldn't be surprised in the least if a rabid protester drenches her overseas ballot in pigs' blood before she gets a chance to make it count.

Costner and Grammar Allegedly Pilfered 'Swing Vote' Outside Three Mile Zone

Looking for all the hot "celebrity justice" stories? Well, keep on surfing.

We can barely get the jump on behemoth TMZ.com. Yesterday, all the gavel bangers worth knocking about literally flooded their homepage, including the gruesome knifing of an ex-girlfriend by some bit player in The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Lately, before I can catch a whiff of any celebrity mauling, assault, DUI, carjacking, civil suit, you name it, TMZ has already left the building. It's gotten so bad, I'm beginning to wonder whether this tiny division of celebrity politics is worth my time.

But then news of a copyright infringement suit against Kelsey Grammar, Kevin Costner, Jason Richman, The Walt Disney Company, Walt Disney Pictures, and Touchstone Pictures, et al. wafts my way and once again, all is right with the world.

Not for the muckety-mucks, natch. I'm just giddy over finding a lawsuit that isn't spread-eagle on the TMZ homepage.

Bradley Blakeman, a former aide to President Bush, claims he gave Grammar a screenplay entitled Go November. Somehow, Kevin Costner and his daughter stole elements of said screenplay to create their latest release, Swing Vote.

I don't know how Blakeman intends to show his screenplay's chain of command from Grammar to Costner, but you can't blame a guy for trying. I'd be outraged too if bits and pieces of this blog ended up on another website packaged as something slightly different (yet oh so familiar) and ... oh ... well ...

Never mind.

[Scum sucking Source]

Rolling Stone Perks Francis Bean

Saw this bite-sized nugget at Celebrity Smack and started feeling a prickly tingling in the back of neck.

For starters, Cobain Jr.'s stark blue eye peering out from wavy brunette locks is unnerving, like the little bugger might suddenly decide to reach out from the computer screen and rip my soul clean out of my body. Remember The Ring and Ring Two? Scary.

Don't mean to detract from this news story (if you could call it that). I'm just saying that lipid blue eyeball in a meadow of dark black mascara creeps me out.

Rumors are circulating about candy-eyed 15-year old Francis Bean Cobain flaunting her celebrity pedigree at Rolling Stone magazine. Someone with an axe to grind says the daughter of heavy metal rocker Courtney Love and the late Kurt Cobain isn't doing her share of drudge work despite having landed a coveted summer intern position.

According to Page Six, insiders say "she doesn't get coffee for anyone . . . calls in sick all the time and wears funny outfits."

Oh, the horror. Rock 'n roll royalty who basically doesn't need a job acts like she owns the place and gets funky. I'm with the Smacker on this one, those outfits would have to be pretty darn outrageous to register with the granddaddy of music mags. If some sniveling co-worker can't deal with the obvious favoritism, that's their problem.

Boo-hoo-hoo. Cobain either doesn't show up or is sitting around swapping hooplah with the natives, making them feel good about working in tiny cubicles while elevating her own status in the music biz. Big deal. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Did it ever occur to anyone that FrannyB is doing Rolling Stone a favor by hanging around? Having a direct pipeline into behind-the-scenes antics of Courtney Love and cohorts has got to be worth a pretty penny, doncha think? No wonder their reps deny any impropriety, claiming "She's a great girl, and we're thrilled to have her."

I would too if the arrangement might lead to a juicy magazine story. Although ... well ... first I'd make the kid buy some Ray-Bans.

Will Smith Drops Open Marriage Bomb in Revealing Interview

Is Will Smith's mind-blowing revelation in Reveal magazine already old news? In a word, yes, as confirmed by at least one other commentator:

Isn't this old? I coulda sworn I heard this a couple of years back and they had to explain that. Anyways its very, very sad. sounds like monique's dumbass when she said the same thing.

The commentator is referring, of course, to Smith's confessed open marriage policy with wife Jada, an arrangement seemingly more controversial than gay marriage because by definition a marriage built on outside hook ups is antithetical to the basic foundations of marriage and marriage ideology.

I didn't hear anything about this back in 2005, maybe because I was getting my news from the mainstream. But if comments on these articles are any indication, there's a morality war raging across the country with little fanfare in the media.

Hey, whatever two people do in the privacy of their own home is up to them. The part I'm against is the sucking in of third parties who are either way in over their heads or scary kinky. That opens the opportunity for mind games to start kicking in, and before you know it you and your significant "others" have created an unhealthy environment for young children, friends, and even other relatives.

If this juicy piece of gossip is any indication, the Smith kids are going to need plenty of therapy:

I was wondering why Will was so close to Tom Cruise (the midget, who was the "boy toy" for that gay billionaire, Geffin, when, Tom was young of course), going so far to kiss him at a premier or two and you always hear about Will visiting Cruise, ha, ha. I always thought Will was a 'little' too comfortable/friendly with his male co-stars.

But, whatever floats your boat, as long as he doesn't bring home aids or Hep 'C' to Jada! She acts like and dresses like a little dyke anyway, so, she probably is a switch hitter anyway, too.

Lets face it, they are a loose couple and play around....

I know I know, what's the harm if everyone's on board? Well, relationships are hard enough to navigate without the added pressure of a complicit spouse. At least when you're living together, everyone pretty much knows where they stand. The long-term open relationships of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell or Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins immediately come to mind. Couples like that often say what holds them together is knowing they have the choice to leave. When you have that kind of mindset, why bother with a piece of paper?

Marriage with benefits defiles the institution of marriage, affecting those who are too weak and vulnerable to resist its destructive tendencies. I'm not saying Will and Jada aren't happy, they probably are like peas and carrots.

I'm just wondering whether the people closest to them will eventually emerge unscathed.

Man Rips Off Adolph Hitler's Head

Someone has a big problem with diabolical dead guys. The newest Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum had barely opened in Berlin when some deranged fool targeted Adolph Hitler's waxy numbskull for a field maneuver.

The 41-year old German man knocked Hitler's block clean off. Actually, he ripped Adolph's noggin clean off the body. Tore it right off. Hey, it's wax, not an actual person. What do you expect?

Well for one thing, I expect Madame Tussaud and her crew of cronies to have more sensitivity about undesirable historical figures. The wax edifice was in bad taste and shouldn't have been part of the opening display. It's also illegal in Germany to glorify Hitler or to display Nazi symbols or art. Go explain that to the judge.

While they're at it, why not do a wax figure of a Cossack charging on horse back? Throughout history, pograms also helped decimate the Jewish population, although on a much smaller scale than Hitler and the Third Reich.

On the other hand, vigilante head ripping, even from a wax figure, is just plain nutty and rightfully punishable by fine and/or jail time. At best, it's destruction of private property. At worst, attempted symbolic annihilation. Either way, the guy's a little off, although I applaud his ability to take matters into his own hands. That big glob of goo must have been heavy.

Maybe he needed the head for his own neck. Next time, buddy, be more discreet about your foibles.

Nancy Sinatra Walks Those Boots Down to Capitol Hill

Remember the days when aspiring musicians and record studio bigwigs begged and bribed radio disc jockeys to promote certain songs on the airwaves?

Everyone fantasized about befriending Wolfman Jack, DJ extraordinaire, immortalized in Harrison Ford's film debut, American Graffiti. DJs like the Wolfman used to sit high and mighty, not because their bosses paid such exorbitant salaries (traditionally they did not), but because of extravagant entertainment perks associated with their positions of power.

As with most good things, those days have outlived their useful lifespan. The music industry as a whole has become more techno savvy in the way it reaches the public, using the Internet for its music promotion. Once online music sampling became a firmly entrenched public listening habit, the resulting backlash against DJs and radio stations became inevitable. Just as eBooks have to some degree sidestepped the publishing industry, today's musicians and record labels can now sidestep the DJs.

This week on Capitol Hill looked more like a golden oldies concert than private citizens convening before lawmakers. Hendogg from The Sugarhill Gang and Frank Sinatra's little 69-year old girl Nancy testified before a House Judiciary Subcommittee in support of The Performance Rights Act, a bill currently pending before both the House and Senate. Its counterpart, The Local Radio Freedom Act has its share of supporters on the other side.

I'll try to boil down the gist of the bill so that even a Yahweh doomsday cultist could understand. Radio stations have always paid a fee to songwriters and composers for the privilege to play their songs while musicians and record labels received bupkus. The privilege of having their music played was somehow deemed enough.

But the times, they are a'changin'. The Performance Rights Act would do away with this lingering inequity, leveling the playing field between radio, Internet download sites, satellite music stations, and cable music channels. Under the bill's provisions, radio stations would pay a flat yearly fee to compensate performers and record studios for their intellectual property. Some believe such compensation is way overdue.

Don't think broadcasters simply turned over and played dead. On the flip side, they lamented radio industry struggles, claiming financial burdens of the record industry aren't their problem. They also claimed performers are conferred benefits of air time in exchange for music play, and that Congress shouldn't rely on foreign law to decide the outcome because those laws are not analogous.

Sure hope Nancy got her collagen enhanced lips out of the way when those broadcasters came out swinging. Has anyone else noticed it's no longer her boots that do the walk'n?

Anyway, I'm with the performance artists on this one. If radio stations don't want to pay, they have no right to play. So what if changes in the law sink their business models? Create a new format, for crying out loud. The free market will eventually decide where people go to discover new music. Actors wouldn't dream of playing a part without entitlement to residuals. Why should performance artists suffer from an outdated form of corporate welfare?

FYI, in the interests of full disclosure, I'm still carrying stock in Sirius Radio. Never once did its piss poor performance influence my opinion for a fair outcome in this matter.

Miley Cyrus New Picture Sleaze Screams Scandal

Sleazy photographs of the world's richest teenager are causing a universal rise in testosterone.

Miley Cyrus, aka the "Oops I Did It Again Girl," must think she's a Victoria's Secret model. This girl cannot keep her pants on. And those come hither eyes. Talk about kids trying to grow up too fast and parents not giving a damn.

Methinks Miss Hannah Montana has serious mouse issues, like she's taunting the network to can her sexy hide. Meanwhile, Disney executives will have to strategize more damage control, just in case a scandal like the one rocking U.K. Channel 4 rears its ugly head.

Personally, I think Miley needs to put her clothes back on and hire the best shrink money can buy. Other leaked photographs offer a not so pretty behind the scenes look at a scandal in waiting.

Here's a drawing Billy Ray supposedly made of Miley when she was just a tween, apparently practicing her now refined come hither look.

And here she stands apart from her siblings in a picture with Billy Ray practically screaming for attention. Hey, it's great to have your own TV show, fashion line, instant fan recognition, and money to burn, but a little TLC never hurt anyone.

Update: The Vanity Fair photos stoking the rumor mill are controversial but reflect artistic content. Cyrus appears to take pleasure in circulating sleazier photos with no socially redeeming content whatsoever.

Scarlett Johansson Opens Cannes of Worms

Scarlett Johansson needs to stick a pin in it. Her head must be the size of a watermelon. Seriously, she of luscious lips blew a good thing big time. Must have thought old Woodykins, was paying the freight.

Scarjo's hotel, transportation, and makeup demands so enraged the French Branch of Warner Brothers Films, executives left her in New York rather than fly her to Cannes. Too bad because the crowd adored her latest Woody Allen film, Vicky Christina Barcelona. Co-stars Penelope Cruz and Rebecca Hall basked in a ten minute standing ovation alone. Afterwards, they and the Woodman partied like there was no tomorrow.

No one missed Johansson, according to one prominent New York socialite. Ouch. That's gotta sting.

[Source]

Nude Underage Model Scandal

First Miley Cyrus went bare bones in Vanity Fair. Now the heat is on RUSSH magazine for titillating nude photos featuring 16-year old New Zealand model, Zippora Seven. In two separate photo shoots the teen is shown topless first on the back of a horse, then cavorting in a bubble bath with a "passed-out" underage male model and some champagne bottles.

The Australian Classification Board is investigating the Sydney, Australia publication for violation of The Classification Act. The law prohibits the depiction of nudity or sexual activity of people under the age of 18.

Fans of the magazine don't seem to mind this type of photography, but I sure do. Underage models are too young and impressionable (sometimes even at age 18) to understand or appreciate how posing in their birthday suits can negatively affect their careers and personal lives.

Models can become type-cast for this type of work, possibly shutting them out of top jobs in the fashion industry. The photos will follow them for the rest of their careers. There's also a certain degree of personal fallout. Parents, relatives, and close friends sometimes lose respect for models who pose in the nude. This type of photography also promotes child pornography. When a model is this young, their bodies may not be fully developed, giving perverts access to otherwise prohibited material.

Plain and simple, photo spreads of nude or partially nude jail bait is exploitation. I'd throw the book at the magazine as well as the lousy modeling agency who cavalierly admitted the photo shoot went too far. In The Daily Telegraph report, agent Priscilla Leighton-Clarke admits,

"It's wrong that our girl has appeared in a magazine exposing her breasts when she's so young."

Damn straight.

[Source and photo]

Salacious Celebrity Gossip Cracks Corn and I Don't Care

In like a lion, out like a lamb. Oh wait, that folksy attribute refers to March, not April. Where does the time go? Already it's May and temperatures in the Land of Pleasant Living still fluctuate between 80 and 40. I don't know if it's sweater or T-shirt weather when I tumble out of bed.

So too goes the celebrity gossip mill. This one's now an item with this one, and this one had too much to drink with that one, and, oh look over there, isn't that one's dress positively hideous?

For crying out loud, I know this stuff brings traffic to rumor peddlers and sells newsprint to the masses, but just once I'd like to search the blogosphere and read something other than fluffer-nutter, apparently, the nuttier the better.

I must not be searching hard enough. Get a load of the blather bouncing my way this morning.

JenJohn is hot and we've got the exclusive. "John Mayer is crazy about Jennifer Aniston."

Okay, so they're banging each other. Big deal. Ugh. Are those real tattoos down his left arm? Jen's toned and tanned body is too good for this boy toy Lothario. But, hey, if she's having a good time, more power to her. I just love the way the tabloids are so quick to brand their romp in the hay as a coupling. JenJohn? Why not AniMayer? You know, "animator," as in making up this whole "they're in love" garbage. New lust is more like it. I give Jen and John's "new love" three months top, if that.

The top cover teaser, "Star's divorce shocker"? Probably something about Al liking threesomes.

Mariah Carey flashing a big pink rock from admirer Nick Cannon can only mean they're engaged. They are engaged, aren't they? Neither one of them will say.

Despite reports of nuptials?, I say the big coy signifies something entirely different than the games celebs play. Already, these rumors are being shot down. Mariah and Nick are not Jay-Z and B, nor J.Lo and Mr. J.Lo, they're not even Brangelina (I hear she's nesting in France, preparing for the big birth). Just last week, I read a piece about Carey's desire to remain solo, now suddenly everyone is whispering about an "engagement/marriage?" to Nick Cannon.

To hot meat 12 years her junior? Get real. Nick's looking like a sick puppy dog. Trying to "buy" affection with bling is as old as Helen of Troy. Besides, it's second hand bling. Carey standing around flashing her pink hunka ice all giddy and coy, lapping up the attention for all it's worth is making everyone nuts.

Restoring sanity: Mimi is just banking the publicity for a rainy day, like a scrapbook to cherish if she ever lands back on the skids.

Rotund looking ill-dressed Eva Mendes may be with child. Just look at that bulge. Maybe she'll read this and do a cartwheel to confirm.

I adore this blog, but their intern's blind item is so sightless, it begs to be flamed. Geez, just look at your own side by side comparison pix showing Eva on an exercise jog with her trainer (cropped to ensure focus). In one photo, yeah, there's some puff, while in the other, nary a bump to be had. So, maybe Mendes had a little too much to drink the night before, or she's dealing with some bad PMS. Juicy dirt this is not.

Obviously, the intern has no first-hand knowledge of pregnancy, otherwise she'd realize the dead giveaway isn't the middle part of the torso. It's the top. As in "perky swell like crazy."

Might I recommend a crash course in baby bump spotting with the jokers over at FlyNet? Nice scoop catching Jessica Simpson BFF, Cacee Cobb, while out and about in el Lay. No doubt to prevent a lawsuit, these two wild and crazy guys wonder aloud whether she might actually be with child. Someone must have tipped them off. So much better than a blind item.

Indeed, gentlemen, this one looks so preggers it hurts to blog. Odds are 2 to 1 and I'm not even a gambler..

So, for what it's worth, there you have my pitiful assessment of the celebrity gossipsphere. Give me Mary Hart officiating at a wedding staged with the Made of Honor premiere any day. Is this even legal? Oh, the joys of trend spotting. The next big thing in people who want to marry but can't afford to hire their own band. Just remember. You heard it here first.

Update: Apparently, in the span of about two hours, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon went from flirting, to dating, to being engaged, to reportedly getting hitched, supposedly without a prenup. At least not the last time I checked. This story changes facts faster than SJP changes wardrobe in SATC: The Movie. Congratulations to the happy (giving this one year, tops) couple.

And just for the record, why no pc fire storm when Mrs. Cannon describes her new hubby as "articulate and literate?"

Self-Parodying Journalist Slobber Features Neil Patrick Harris

So, Neil Patrick Harris triumphs with a pithy turn in the stoner adventure, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. But how can anyone call his no-basis-in-reality debauched former child star portrayal an Oscar worthy self-parody?

"To the delight of fans and critics alike, he reprises his turn as Neil Patrick Harris, a doped-up, egomaniacal, prostitute-loving, unicorn-riding narcissist wielding his own personalized branding iron,"

heralds Donna Freydkin's puff piece in USAToday.

Ohhhhh....I get it....since he's gay in real life (not that there's anything wrong with that) and his partying days are behind him, his film alter-ego does curvaceous hookers and copious amounts of illegal substances. According to the article, Harris has nothing in common with his "overblown movie persona, aside from the...quick wit." Quick-witted doper. Now there's a study in contrasts.

Last time I looked, "self-parody" connoted imitation of one's own characteristics. Much as Harris wink-winks in this video, his turn in last weekend's number two film is no self-parody. I mean, as long as we're at it, let's call Kal Penn's Kumar character a self-parody too. In real life, the guy is educated, politically-minded, and well-spoken.

I can't stand fawning bj slants kissing up to the rich and famous. The slobber on this one has me scrambling for an umbrella. Just get a load of the way Harris makes nice with the Britney Spears guest spot on his precious sitcom, How I Met Your Mother.

"We were so conscious when she arrived to treat her well, but not ridiculously special," Harris says. "We wanted her to feel like a guest on our show. We wanted her to feel comfortable so she could do the work. And she did."

This garbage makes my stomach turn. Harris already complained big time about the guest spot cheapening the show. That's the kind of tarty tidbit I want to read whenever he tries to skim over the brouhaha simmering beneath.

Instead, we get sanitized reporting tied up neat and tidy in a bow. For whose benefit? Readers? Or reporters who self-parody reporters of news?

Maybe BarneyCam Should Do Upskirts and Nipple Slips

Celebrity upskirts and nipple slips are all the rage. Everywhere I turn, another blog article or video is out there exploiting famous embarrassment. With so many cameras trained on their every move, you'd think wary celebs would be more careful not to expose their naughty bits.

Nipslips and upskirts must be the inspiration behind Beavercam. I laughed myself silly at the intrepid buck-toothed rodent strapping a webcam to his furry head while trolling Hollywood Boulevard. Having just viewed the riotous DVD of Alvin and the Chipmunks, I see a real future for The Beav.

And then I got to thinking, which came first, BeaverCam or BarneyCam?

Barney, that lovable lolling canine of Dubya and Laura Bush, is the ostensible star of holiday themed webisodes created on behalf of our Executive Branch. I first learned about Barney's star power when White House insider David Almacy spoke at the morning plenary of GW University's 2008 Politics Online Conference.

Let's just say I've been waiting for the right opportunity to set the record straight about these webisodes and though this may not be it, I'm taking my shot.

According to David, BarneyCam was born by strapping a camcorder onto the President's pet and allowing him to romp around the White House grounds. Staffers wanted to provide information about the Executive Branch and limited access to the President on Whitehouse.gov and saw the videos as a way to attract the public. The pilot episode received over 8 million hits.

After reading my article about the Conference, David got the impression that President Bush was dying to be part of BarneyCam, sort of muscling his way in on Barney's success. He wanted me to know that wasn't the case. According to David, the President is and always has been the focus of these episodes.

The first time President Bush joined the cast, he made a joke about the number of viewers, something about whether his episode would get as many hits as the pilot. As I stated in my article, the President's webisode had low viewing stats, not because he was unpopular, but because the White House allowed other sites to embed the video.

Here's the feedback I received from David:

You are correct about the first [Barneycam focusing only on Barney] - I was referring to every one since. There wasn't a specific episode just focusing on the President and the shift occurred starting in 2005 as the Internet grew. The conversation I had with him about the 8 million [viewers] was not a separate meeting but rather just before we taped his part for that year's BarneyCam.

Phew! I am so glad to get that weighty matter off my chest, especially in an article about upskirts, nipple slips, and links to the President's daughter.

Jenny Craig Tells Spokesperson Kirstie Alley to Take a Hike

Celebrity News and GossipCelebrity Gossip Blogs

Weight loss conglomerate, Jenny Craig, recently dumped Cheers breakout and Scientology devotee Kirstie Alley from its popular ad campaign. No, the people at Jenny Craig have more tact than to tell the dazzling starlet to go take a hike. Of course, the rumor mill has been working overdrive hinting weight gain is to blame.

I'm all for Kirstie packing on the pounds. Couldn't get enough of Fat Actress, the comeback vehicle Showtime predictably yanked from its lineup as she began the incredible shrink. Episodes spun around deep fried corn dogs and Kid Rock made my mouth water. Out of work guest stars and invented storylines were over the top funny too. Never knew who or what might get skewered next.

For a short time, Kirstie made me believe an overweight actress could still find fulfillment in Tinseltown. But, like the Fat Actress storylines, the myth didn't hold water. Everyone knows el Lay is a mecca for the cult of gaunt. With this latest pink slip, however, Kirstie gets a second chance to show the rest of the world what she's made of. I'm hoping that includes deep fried corn dogs.

Jane Fonda Banters C-Word on Live TV

WTF? Did Jane Fonda think she would get away with this? Just because she's descended from Hollywood royalty, married a kajillionaire, walked away with a cool $40M, and has a rabble-rouser reputation doesn't mean she's getting a pass. The show was live, forcing the network to issue an apology and Meredith Vieira's mouth to contort in a prune faced grimace.

Heath Ledger Drug Video A Bright Line for Gossipetiquette

While my family and I were off sunning ourselves in the luxuriously warm Southern Hemisphere, the stunning news of Oscar nominated actor Heath Ledger's death was the one bit of celebrity gossip our snobby intellectual friends failed to greet with a pensive "Who?" Even our normally blase eighteen year old was blown away by the shocking real life ending.

Although I'm so past the expiration date of jumping on this bandwagon, the controversy lingers. Show the drug laden video; no, no, showing it would be reprehensible and disgusting (see comments). I'm inclined to agree with the latter. Then I began thinking (much to the chagrin of nearby family members detesting the smell of gingko biloba in the morning), at what point does tabloid gossip cross the line of anything goes into the netherworld of the verbotten?

Certainly, nothing is off limits for besieged Britney. That mixed-up not-a-woman-not-a-girl is so hounded by the press, any day now I half expect Congress to pass a celebrity privacy law forbidding paps to camp within a mile of private residences. Let 'em randomly find their prey on the streets like everyone else. Do we really need another senseless waste of life to do what's right?

If I had to propose any kind of gossipetiquette here, I'd say the beacon of star power is inversely proportionate to the appropriateness of tabloid scandal. Which essentially means, the less talented and/or critically acclaimed they come, the more leeway and/or tolerance for smutty gossip. A tribute of sorts to the respect and admiration Heath Ledger commanded in el Lay.

R.I.P., Heath.

Britney Spears Outing Makes Neighborhood "Unsafe"

What a spectacle! Suffice it to say, my life is a bed of roses compared to this celeb's. I cannot imagine how Britney continues to cope, or for that matter, even function. After feasting my eyes on this papafrenzi outing, knowing full well her recent custody litigation set backs, is it any wonder this woman is drugged out and estranged?



Thank goodness Jamie Lynn didn't take "No" for an answer. I heard she and big bro were turned away last week at the manse after trying to stage an intervention. Perhaps Ms. Herownworstenemy is now willing to accept a helping hand, what with the myriad of problems threatening to destroy both her and her career. Judging by this video, if Britney hasn't yet hit rock bottom, she's pretty darn close.

Is Brit turning tony Malibu into trailer park trash? Probably. But have a heart, wicked neighbor, so bold to scold about the safety of your precious neighborhood or lack thereof. Where is your compassion? Your less fortunate neighbor is suffering a very public meltdown. Her parents are unable to deal. Even The Donald's unsolicited offer of assistance languishes unheard.

The unbelievable part of this whole surreal saga is the magnitude of paparazzi trailing Britney's every move. She breaks a fingernail and it's news. Like a merciless tsunami refusing to recede, the constant crush of bodies must be overwhelming and exhausting. As I've previously noted in support of yet another overexposed embattled tart, life in the flash bulbs isn't a walk in the park. Fame comes with a heavy price.

Say what you will, but I have gobs of empathy for those less capable of navigating the fray. I never thought I would say this, but

"Leave Britney alone!"

If anyone is more deserving of scorn, it's the gaggle of vermin marring a sunny California morning with their incessant flashes and clicks. The popping and whirring noises alone would drive me insane. Is it really so difficult to sidestep these bottomfeeders? I must conclude Ms. Malibu Hag lacks a certain amount of coordination and civility. You know the type. Prefers a stationary bike to more challenging activity and hates to send or receive holiday cards. Bah. Humbug.

Can't help but note the irony of Ms. Hag's public tantrum. As boomeranging slings and arrows rained down upon her $3.5 million beachfront noggin (which these days only buys something akin to a shack), she unwittingly brought the papanazzi to Britney's defense. It's a sad day in Tinseltown when one's biggest protectors are the same people making life so unberable. Then again, nothing in el Lay surprises me. Not even when a morning stroll about town deteriorates into fodder for tabloids.

Christian Groups Angry Over Kathy Griffin Remarks

Did plastic surgery enhanced Kathy Griffin really say, "Suck it Jesus, this is my god now," then kiss her new Emmy and walk off the stage? Apparently, this did in fact happen last Saturday at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

The national news media didn't give this outburst too much attention and network execs plan to edit her comments out of the upcoming Primetime Emmys. I suppose the driveby news media thought if they didn't report it, it would just go away like it never happened.

Well, they'd better think again. As of today, word of her malapropism is being broadcast from all the right wing talk radio stations. I'd say by some time tomorrow, after the deluge of e-mails, her agents are going to strongly suggest a public apology.

Did Kathy go too far this time? Why should the politically correct police exempt Christians from their purge?



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