Dissecting Angelina Jolie Politics Won't Secure Seat at the Lunch Table

Oh those MSNBC celebrity puff pieces. Wherever would The Spewker be without them?

It's a news broadcast. It's a gossip tabloid. No silly, it's two, two, two "this-country-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbag" moments in one.

Yes, I feel like a "celebretard" following the political nuances of actress and UN Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie. Doesn't everybody?

So, she's an independent who hasn't endorsed a presidential candidate. So what? Will it matter to the middle class when she decides whose political platform best serves starving children in Africa? Do working poor care about the world refugee crisis when they can't pay their own heating bills?

Could Bob Costas be any more of an insensitive neanderthal peppering President Bush with questions while possible Olympic swimming history unfolds?

I love how Keith Olberman uses VH-1's Paul Tompkins as political sounding board. Like the Hannity & Colmes of Politicelebritopia, this spot plays like a mathlete dissecting the cool clique's perceived shortcomings, jealous of all the fawning attention paid Jolie, emasculating her baby daddy as "press agent," and whining about her making him feel bad.

A pathetic longing for a seat at the Jolie-Pitt-Clooney lunch table disguised as investigative reporting. As if.

Paparazzi Spawn Celebrity Baby Picture Industry

The sale of celebrity baby pictures is big business. Ever escalating, now topping out at $10 million to $15 million, the first look at Brangelina twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline is beginning to raise eyebrows. The newborns will make their public debut in a future issue of People with a second "exclusive" layout to follow in OK!.

Despite earmarking proceeds from the shoot to charity, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are under fire. Some question obscenely high amounts paid for celebrity baby pictures. Others call the arrangement exploitation.

Frivolous waste of resources equal to the GNP of Myanmar or shrewd use of public insatiability for celebrity photographs?

Parodoxically, the inexplicable desire for a glimpse into the lives of celebrities fuels distaste for the paparazzi. The streets of Hollywood and Manhattan are full of professional and amateur photographers attempting to earn a livelihood or turn a quick buck. It's gotten so bad, surfers attacked a TMZ crew off the coast of Malibu. Politicians contemplate new legislation. Even fans have taken up the cause.

I've posted before about paparazzi encounters of the third kind. Some of the following scenes are surreal.

At some point, unless Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie intend to raise their children in a vaccum, they must venture outside the gates of their fortified compound. Not surprisingly, paparazzi have already staked out camera angles for their anticipated departure. Money talks. Those first photographs are worth a pretty penny no matter who takes them.

Better People and OK! magazines who will donate the proceeds to charity than money grubbing paparazzi who cavalierly disregard the consequences of ignoble intrusion.

Politicelebritopia Round-Up for October 11, 2007

The line separating politicians and celebrities so often becomes blurred. As they cross into each others' realms, mongrel spawn are born. Round-up from this past week includes:

1. John Edwards’s fundraising woes may not be the only thorn in the side of his campaign. Readers are furiously kicking down a storm at The HuffPo...[more]

2. Blue bloods can’t relate to the face of St. John. This big name celeb is about to have more time to indulge in pet political causes...[more]

3. A fictional Norwegian reporter lobbed pretty provocative interview questions at NY City Councilman James Oddo. His tirade now plays to critical acclaim on YouTube...[more]

(warning: video contains graphic language, viewer discretion advised)

4. A how to guide about halting the Hillary Express is a crash course for presidential hopefuls in future Democratic debates. John Dickerson of Slate provides thoughtful insight...[more]

5. And, in what can only be charitably referred to as a publicity stunt, the Bush administration goes to bat for a confessed rapist and murderer. I think the American people are being punked. Did I mention the guy is an illegal Mexican immigrant?...[more]

That concludes this week's issue of Bastard Child. Tune in again next week for more mongrel spawn from around the globe.